Sunday's Sermon - To Those who Have

Psalm 1

Matthew 13:10-17

Luke 19: 12-26

               “To those who have, much will be given and to those who have not, even what they have will be taken away.”  This seems like such a cruel statement.  Why would God do this?  Take away from those who have not and give only to those who already have?  I do not believe that this is a statement about what God does.  Those sentences that say things like “God helps those who…” and “God loves those who…” fail to see the amazing grace of God that extends to everyone.  So what then is this about? 

Statements such as “to those who have, much will be given and to those who have not, even what they have will be taken away” are unfortunately very accurate description of the world today.  And I think when Jesus is making these statements, he is pointing out the backwardness of human societies.  Look around you.  The truth is that those who have have a very easy time getting more.  And those who have not have a very hard time getting even their basic needs met.  We know that the rich are getting richer while the poor in our country are getting poorer.  We know this, we hear about it. We probably are unaware of exactly how much this is true, but the medium family income has significantly dropped versus the cost of living over the last few years, the bottom 90% of the people in this country, the bottom 90% have only 23% of the nation’s wealth.  That means the top 10% own 77% of the wealth in this country.  And that gap continues to grow.  The top .1% in this country own 25% of the country’s wealth. This is a significant change in the last few years.  The gap is growing.  And frankly, we probably experience it in our own lives. The more you have to invest, the higher interest you can make on what you invest. The more properties you own, the more likely you can own “one more”.  If you have a lot of money, you get a lower percentage on loans.  The more money you put down on a house, the lower your loan interest percentage.  The faster you are able to pay off a loan, the lower the percentage of interest you need to pay.  It should be the opposite – those who need the loans the most should get a lower percentage so they are more able to actually pay it back, but that’s not how it works. 

I’ve found myself thinking about this in terms of those who have been traumatized by the fire.  Money has been pouring out to help those who’ve lost their homes in the fires.  One website said 1.4 million dollars had been donated just through them.  Another site I saw was a Red Cross website that actually said, “we have as much money as we can handle to help these folk.  If you still want to give money, send it through another organization.  Ironically, the other organization said the same thing in reverse, “we have enough.  Please send it to Red Cross…”  The outpouring around this has been amazing, and a truly wonderful sign of the caring that people can give.  People should step up and they have.  But I have found myself wondering, if we are able to raise this much money in this short a time for the victims of the fires, why are we not able to raise the same amount for those who struggle every day, before the fires and after the fires, to obtain enough to eat?  With the amount of money that has come forward to help those in the fires, we could actually wipe out homelessness in CA and more.  Why are we not doing that?  Why are we not able to eradicate homelessness for the children in our country?  While 40% of the homeless population in the United States are children, the poverty level in our country for all children is 22%.  22% of the children in the United States, which is a higher percentage than in any other industrialized country, are so poor they have trouble finding enough to eat.  22%.  Why can we not raise the same amount of money and give towards programs that target families struggling to get back on their feet as we are for those who’ve lost their homes in these fires?  I think one reason is that poverty is seen as a chronic problem whereas the fire burning houses is seen as a one-time problem.  But also, people become afraid that those who are poor will somehow “misuse” the money given to them whereas we tend to trust those who are “just like us”, people who have homes.  We can sympathize more easily with those who have lost their homes to a fire than those who are on the street because they never had homes in the first place.  We have come to believe that the poor are untrustworthy.  Truthfully, most of us at some level blame the poor for their own poverty, and we treat them as such.  I doubt any of us would hesitate when out to eat with a friend to offer to pay for their meal.  And yet, how hard is it to buy a meal for a person on the street who really needs it? And again, the biblical phrase comes to mind once more:  “To those who have, more will be given, but to those who have little, even what they have will be taken away.”

               I admit, I became especially aware of the reality of the “for those who have more will be given and for those who have not even what they have will be taken away” when we were struggling to find a house out here.  Without an address and without proof of residency I couldn’t even register the kids for school.  I found myself thinking about this many times during the weeks that we were, in essence, homeless.  We blame the poor for their own poverty.  And yet, how do we expect those kids who’ve been raise in homeless situations and therefore can’t even register to go to school to somehow raise themselves out of that poverty?  How, without food or resources or a network of support or education, is that even POSSIBLE?  When we consider that 22% of the children in our country are living in poverty, we also have to recognize that these 22% of our children are uneducated if they are educated at all.

               An example of a different kind.  I have a good friend who struggles with clinical depression.  There are times when she is so down that she cannot get out of bed.  It is during those hard times that she is least likely to get the support she needs from her friends.  She has a harder time reaching out during those times.  But additionally, when she is depressed her friends get tired and depressed being around her.  With mental illness too we tend to blame the victims, not recognizing their need or the ways we could support and help them through it.

               When we look at the international situation, the refugees, those most in need around the world are the ones who again have the hardest time getting what they need.  People and countries become afraid of what the presence of these strangers will do to us, to me, to you and I and they close their doors to those in need.

Where is the Good News in that?                             

Well, as I said before, the God that I know is not a God who makes the poor poorer and the rich richer.  The God I meet in scripture, through Jesus and through those around me is a God who points out this reality in order to change it.  The God I know does not go away, leaving us to use our resources however we will, nor does this God celebrate or even condone the fact that to those who have more is given and to those who have not even what they have is taken away.

  Instead the God I know is a God of love.  The God I meet in Jesus is one who gives and gives, especially to those who lack and are poor. This God does not ask if you are worthy or trustworthy.  This is a God of grace who continues to give and love despite the fact that ALL of us fall short, and ALL of us have areas in which we “have not” or are lacking. The God Jesus talks about never leaves, but is with us always, guiding, holding, comforting us along our paths.  And the God of the Gospels is selfless, even to the point of risking and experiencing death because of us.  And even then that same God’s love does not stop but grows to the point at which it overcomes even death and returns again and again with open arms still full of love, hope, and grace.  The God we worship and trust is the God who invites us and calls us to become a part of creating God’s reign on earth.

And this is where the gospel stories returns.  Because in order to be a part of bringing heaven to earth, we do have to be willing to listen, even when the words are hard, to hear the truth in the parables and stories Jesus shares with us.  In order to be a piece of God’s kingdom, we have to trust God, depend on God, use what we have been given to serve in gratitude the God who gave us everything!  God’s kingdom is here and now.  But we are called to be part of ushering that in. 

When we choose, like the slave with the one talent in Luke’s story, to see God as greedy and punishing, we exclude ourselves from the life God offers us. Fearing that we will lose all, we take no risks.  We imprison ourselves when we choose not to see God’s light, God’s miracles, God’s beauteous renewing of creation every day.

The slaves with the ten pounds and five pounds saw and believed in a master who was loving and good.  They risked because they trusted.  And in return, they found the love they expected, they were met by a generous master, and they shared in God’s kingdom.  The slave with the one talent didn’t just have less.  He chose to see and believe in a harsh master and in fear he lost everything.

As loving and merciful as God is, this is a choice we make.  Do we choose to hide and protect what we have, believing in an angry, jealous, harsh God?  Or do we see the God of love who has given us everything we have and out of gratitude do we then help bring about the kingdom of God for ourselves and those around us?  Do we offer those in need the things they need, giving more to those who have not than those who have?  From a place of trust and faith then we can risk offering a homeless person food, we can stop and say a kind word to someone who is alone, we can take a few minutes to listen to someone’s story.  Out of our abundance, we can be part of creating a world of abundance, even out of nothing.

That’s not to say it’s easy.  From those who have, much is expected.  We who have are expected to give more in order to fully be part of God’s kingdom.  It is also not to say that bad things won’t happen.  God is not a magic fairy whom you can pray to and expect to have your wishes granted.  God is generous, but God doesn’t stop the world from playing out, often with bad things.  But God is present with us, holding us, loving us in the midst of those challenging times and situations.  And God calls us to be part of creating the kingdom on earth with the resources and gifts we have: God calls us, invites us to be part of this no matter what is going on in our lives.

A young boy and his grandmother were walking along the sea shore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea.  The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged God to return her beloved grandson.  Amazingly, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand before her.  The grandmother looked the boy over carefully.  He was fine.  But still she stared up angrily towards the heavens.  “When we came,” she snapped indignantly, “he had a hat!”

Which God do we see?  The God who saved the child?  Or the God who did not rescue the boy’s hat?  Which world do we choose to be a part of?  A world in which everyone else is out to get us and we just have to hold on and take care of our own?  Or a world in which, when we share and give and love, God gives back ten fold?  God invites us to be part of God’s new and glorious creation.  God hopes for us to trust, and love and live and be joyful.  God calls us to be God’s heaven on earth and to share it with others.

We pray, God, that a little at a time, you would lead us to risk and enter the kingdom which you have prepared for us and which is, by your great grace and love, all around us, all the time. Amen.

Challenges and Gifts

Okay, I promised my Facebook connections a "revised" perspective today on the challenges we've been facing in our move out here.  I have to admit, it is so easy to get caught up in the stress and struggles of living out of a suitcase, moving to stay with different friends and family and then moving again, while waiting for our house to close and then be fixed up "a little" so we can at least flush the toilets, take a shower, not have wood-rotten boards drop on heads, not look through holes in walls, and lock the doors. There are many other even bigger projects that will also need to happen and my awareness of that fact is also stressful as I wonder how long (and how much money!) it will take to really make the house feel like "home", especially for my children who were pretty despairing at the condition of the house when they were finally able to see it.  It is easy to worry about the fact that I will be paying two mortgages for who knows how long (since no one appears even slightly interested in our house in Ohio), and it appears I will need to home-school my high-schooler, which means losing her "advanced standing" placement at school, etc. Beginning a new job in a new community is always a challenge all in itself. And I've been disappointed to discover that the gossip mill in the larger Presbytery (because even pastors, apparently, cannot always resist the attraction of gossip: Ugh!!)  has taken the story of my family's struggles and enlarged and morphed it into something unrecognizable and even more horrific than what actually happened, and that as a result, what I hoped would be a "new start" for my kids and myself has in fact thrown us back into the hell we experienced 4 1/2 years ago as if it were a brand new thing (which, since it's unrecognizable, it is a new thing). Additionally, because of that seeming need to create, expand and somehow "touch" drama, a couple friendships that I counted on are strained, and connections I had every expectation of having for my kids cannot be renewed in a couple cases.  In other words, things are hard. Still. Again.

I am aware, though, of the need once again to choose perspective.  I talk about framing all the time. How we frame the events of our lives is so incredibly important. I also have the words of my dear friend, Anneke, who did not grow up here in the US constantly going through my head, "Americans expect life to be easy, and they think the purpose of life is to be happy. And because of that, the normal events of each day are way too hard and upsetting for many Americans and they let those events make them unhappy.  People in other countries don't have those expectations.  And as a result, they are much happier because they appreciate and are grateful for the things that go well and that DO come easily as unexpected gifts.  And they take the things that are hard as just par for the course, and they don't let those things get them down."  And I also keep thinking about the wonderful book "The Beethoven Factor" by Paul Pearsall which talks about how some people respond to trauma by becoming victims, others respond by becoming survivors and still others thrive through their traumas, grow and become deeper, more real, more full human beings.  Those who thrive still feel down at times, but they don't let themselves be defeated or become bitter, cynical or opt out of life because of their past.  They live in the present fully, wholly and with increasing commitment.  They laugh hard, cry hard, play hard, and pray hard.

So, with all of that in mind, I am striving with all the stress and questions and disappointments to change my perspective once again.  Living in different houses is an adventure.  Right now, all four of us are camped out in a single room at a friend's house.  It's kind of fun, to be honest, to all sleep in the same room and have cable TV (something we don't usually have), and watch movies together and be in the same place at night.  I often would wake up in our old house when I would hear a noise, worried about the kids and how they were.  But being in the same room, I know how they are at any minute. We are meeting a wonderful new community of people, who are awesome and loving and supportive. The number of people who have responded to my 'cry for help' post on Facebook about Eldest's schooling has touched and moved me. The number of people who have offered us a place to stay for the night has also been a real gift. While there have been disappointments with folk, there has also been a continuing amazing community of care here for me and the kids. My experience at DMV was so much easier than I expected (Go figure!! the one place I expected things to be hard wasn't. Thanks be to God!). My kids are getting to spend a lot of time with grandparents, which has been good for them - to remember the importance of family and to depend on those loving relationships to see them through. The blue sky and sun have been incredible.  Driving through these hills once again just fills me with a sense of God's amazing hand at work in continued creation.  The sunsets have been beyond compare.  Connecting with friends and community has meant so much to me. And the benefit of Eldest being home schooled is that I will have a lot of special time with a very special girl for another year. She will soon be growing away from me. That is the normal path of teenagers and I expect it.  A little more special time with her will be a gift. It's all about perspective. And staying in the moment.  Each moment.  Each day.  I am thankful for the gifts of this day.  And I hope to learn from the challenges and to grow through them once more.  Gratitude helps a lot.

So for today I am grateful for friends, family, church community, sunshine, warmth, chocolate (of course!), opportunities to learn and grow, my relationship with a loving God, and of course, my three lovely children,

Another week full of opportunities to look for God

       Well, it's been another week full of opportunities to practice what I preach.  Will I see the negative?  Or will I look for God and see the good?  I talk a great deal about how we frame what we experience and I deeply believe that it makes all the difference in the world.  Do we feel like the world is just handing us bad things?  Are we being beaten up?  Or are the challenges that come our way opportunities to grow, learn, and maybe get out of ourselves and focus more on what God wants for and from us, what God calls us to do that would serve God and God's people?  Will life make us bitter and cynical, or will we thrive through the challenges and become better and more whole?
     My somewhat edited and reduced complaint list for this week:  The brand new washer died, the refrigerator died, the cat died, my good friend and helpmate, David, continues to be really sick (over a month now that he has been out of commission), there continue to be the usual struggles at work, we did not have the turn-out for my dream Academy for Dramatic Arts that I'd hoped for (mostly due to problems with our advertising efforts), I simply have not had the time I need to take care of some really necessary issues (like getting the car smog checked), my feet keep cramping up, the car got stuck in the snow in the drive way and I could not get it out....  Again, I am giving you the limited list.
     In light of all that has happened this week alone, it is tempting to move into a "woe is me" attitude.  It is really tempting to rail against God and the Universe for continuing to throw punches my way.  And there is room for that in our faith.  If we look at the psalms, there are a lot of laments, or prayers, hymns and invitations to speak our pain, our frustration, even our anger at God.  There is room and invitation to be the ego-centric people that we are for a few minutes and to yell along with the psalmist, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest." (Psalm 22).  There is room for that.  And I think if we skip this step, the next steps are not very genuine.  So we get to feel our pain, frustration, anger and ego-centrism for a minute.  To lament, to complain, to cry out.
       But the thing is, we don't get to stay there.  Or rather, we are invited to move on from this place because it doesn't help us to stay here.  For me the next steps include a few things.
        First, can I still see the good even in all of what is going on?  Well, of course there is good in the midst of pain. There is ALWAYS good to be found if we just look for it.  The washer was still under warranty.  The fridge had been a pain in the neck for quite a while and now hopefully that is done.  My cat was with us for 18 years which is an amazing time to spend with a pet as affectionate and loving and wonderful as Sabbath was to us.  That's something to celebrate.  When my car got stuck in the driveway, the snow-plow guy just happened along at exactly the right time and was able to help me out.  The refrigerator delivery guy came early enough that I was able to get to my work meeting on time after all.  We had a snow day on Monday which meant I didn't have to worry about meeting a bus while taking one of the other children to her lesson.  And I've had some really important, good, quality time with my kids lately, remembering who we are together as a family, even if I am the only adult in this family.  Our Academy for Dramatic Arts may not have started off with a bang, but it started and can only grow and get better from here on out.    
        Second, what lessons can I learn from all of this?  Well, the biggest is to keep my eyes open for the good and to keep celebrating it.  Another is patience.  A third is to be grateful for what I have because you never know when it won't be there.  At the same time, to not become attached to "things" because they fail us every time.  To be deeply grateful for the good in people, both strangers and friends, who step in and help.  That is a lesson that truly can't be learned deeply enough.  Another is to remember to reach out to people for emotional support as well as practical support.  And finally, a big lesson that I have not achieved learning yet is to step out of ourselves and to remember the big picture that we are not called to focus on our own issues but called to help others.  When we can do that, focusing on others, it usually helps us feel better about our own problems, too.  Which then leads to...
        Third, where is God leading me to help others through all of this?  Well, for one thing, I would like to remind all of you who are in happy, healthy partnerships of what an amazing gift it is to have someone with you to help you on a daily basis.  This is something that is so easy to take for granted. I did when I had that.  But I see now what an amazing, incredible gift it is to have a partner to meet the refrigerator guy when you have to be at work, or a partner to take one kid to their lesson while the other kid needs someone to meet their bus as they come home from school, or a partner to just give you a break when everything is overwhelming, to give you a hug and tell you you are loved even when it feels like you can do nothing right, to rub your foot when it cramps up and help you decide when it is time to go to the doctor, to rock the car while you hit the gas to try to get it out of the snow, to help dig a hole and say a few words over the lost pet. These little things that are part of daily life are just simply a ton and a half more manageable when you have someone to help you, and when you face the hard times holding hands with someone else.  If you have a partner, please try to not take that gift for granted.  I never imagined myself without one.  I knew I was one of the lucky ones who would have a lifetime spent next to a person I loved deeply.  But that was not my reality.  Here I am, and the hole that is left, even after three years, is so big I wonder if it can truly ever be filled.  So what can I give others?  I hope that I can give you all a reminder of the gift that you have in your partner, even when you are going through hard times.  I also hope that as I learn serenity in the face of adversity, that I can model that and share that, too, with those around me.  I also am reminded that my struggles are small compared to some.  So, thinking about others as I face my challenges calls up in me compassion and a deeper desire to serve and help those whose struggles are even bigger.  I am thankful that I have a house during this cold winter, and a place for my kids to sleep, a refrigerator to keep our food from spoiling, pets to comfort us, and friends to turn to in need.  I hope that I can be more intentional about offering care to those who don't have those basic needs.
       That last step, of finding where God is leading us to serve others through all of our journey is a step I think often takes a while to discern, to discover and to put into practice, so I hope as the weeks go by, I will gain more insight.  In the mean time, I will continue to strive to see the good, learn from the challenges, put into the care of others the lessons I've learned, and not spend TOO much time in the lamenting... ;-)

It's what you choose to see...

       I have written before about re-framing, and once again find myself called to write about it again. I shared some hard realities in my sermon yesterday about our experiences visiting down at the prison.  The point of my sharing was to say that we often fail to see those who do not have the same privileges or rights that we are given.  We don't see their need, we don't see how we contribute to their suffering, we don't see how we use (or abuse) our privileges, we walk with a sense of entitlement and are unaware of it, unaware of how we place ourselves above others in unjust ways.  We are unaware...until we are put into a situation in which we are forced to open our eyes, forced to see things in a new way, forced to face those who simply do not have the privileges we take for granted, or when we are put in situations in which our own privileges are revoked for a time and our sense of entitlement does not get us the things we think we deserve (such as basic human respect).  That was the point I was trying to make yesterday.
       But I fear that I may, instead, just have given my hearers more reasons to worry about the difficulties we are facing each day.   So I'd like to put these things in perspective as well, and try to describe, once more, how I see events in my life, how I am choosing to look at or frame my life events, and how I therefore move through each day, with the hope that those who read this might also find ways to see their own struggles in a different light.
       Simply put, I see the struggles and challenges in my life as blessings - as opportunities to grow and learn and become closer to God and to God's people.  I've said this before.  It isn't something new.  And as amazing as that may be, it continues to be the truth.  The challenges are blessings, blessings for which I am, most of the time, grateful.
       As I've also said before, that doesn't mean there aren't limits.  Last week I hit one of those days when I thought I was at my limit.  My son continues to struggle, which means that all of us struggle; the situation with the prison is difficult, to say the least; being alone, single, and on my own to raise three children, one with special needs, while working more than full time and taking care of the house and new kittens (who are sick) and a car that keeps breaking down, etc, etc, etc can be, at moments, overwhelming.  There was a moment on Friday when I really thought I had reached that limit, after another incident with my son, there was a moment when I thought God had simply entrusted me with too much and that the struggles of life had finally reached the point to which I could not continue to endure them.
       BUT, I did go on.  With the help of God and God's people, I went on.  And so, while for that moment I felt overwhelmed and at my limit, that moment passed.  It passed with prayer, friendship and support.  And the gifts that have come from it, are coming from it, continue to come from it are numerous.
      To name a few:
      First, and the biggest blessing - Middle made a breakthrough after all of this and was finally able to tell his father, on the phone, how hurt and angry he is with him.  That is HUGE!!!!  It has been almost a year and a half since his daddy went away.  And Middle has been afraid to express his anger to the one person to whom it really should be directed.  He expresses it to everyone else, instead, which, as we know is dangerous (and ended up with him first being in the hospital and then being suspended!!).  Sometimes we really do need to "hit bottom" to change.  Middle hit that bottom, and was able to do something different, to take a new step, to move forward.  The rest of the weekend was so much better with him...my compassionate, sweet, caring boy was back.  The angry boy only appeared for a few minutes here and there, and when he did, the anger passed quickly.  I am grateful, grateful beyond words that he was able to say, to name, that he was angry, and why and with whom.
       Second, I have heard from dear friends and family these last few days whom I have not talked to in years who reached out to offer support and care through this crisis.  Friends and family who to me represent and show God's love to me.  Of course, my daily and weekly companions also reached out.  To all of them, I am so deeply grateful.  I hear God's voice in their voices, I see God's face in their faces, I know God's presence through their presence.  And for that I am incredibly grateful.
       Third, I am learning.  I continue to learn.  And this, too, I don't take as a small blessing in any way.  One of my life lessons continues to be to not judge.  Whenever I do judge, I end up in the place of the person I judged.  This isn't a fun lesson.  But it is a real lesson that I have to learn again and again.  I admit, before I had kids I had some judgments on the parents of difficult kids.  I did not take the time to see that kids go through intolerable stressors and that kids with special needs are sometimes born with those special needs, or have events that happen to them (sometimes even in-utero) that effect them so greatly..  I did not offer the compassion to understand that there really are "invisible disabilities" (such as ADHD, sensory integration disorder, Asperger's, depression, etc.) that we cannot see but that limit and affect children as much as a visible difference does. It isn't easy to have a special needs child.  But I choose to be grateful for the lessons it has taught me, and to use them to become a better pastor, parent and person.
      I have also learned a great deal about the prison system that again, I won't share here (at this point), but that I feel has deepened my vision, understanding and compassion.  I know what it is to be privileged now in a way I did not and could not understand before.  I also know what it is to be in a place where one has no power at all, and has to make choices between evils rather than choices between good things.  And this, too, deepens my ministry and care for others.  
     I have learned about myself through my life events.  Some things I learned were hard to learn.  For example, I didn't like learning that I have blind spots - even about things that go on in my own home.  I didn't like learning that what I thought I knew about individual people and the world could be wrong.  But there are also good things.  I have learned that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was.  That I can and do walk through these things and come out on the other side.  I let go of anger and pain so much more quickly now, I forgive so much more quickly now.  And I don't hold things in any more because there isn't room inside to do that.  I am learning to speak my truth directly and with love, to ask questions when I think I might have been slighted, rather than make assumptions.  Mostly, I am learning to see the good in the most difficult of situations.  I am learning to see God in the most difficult times and places and people.  And those are lessons one just can't learn without walking through the fires.
       I spent my weekend with people, connecting with people, praying, meditating, listening, journalling.  I spent my weekend connecting to God, self and others.  I am renewed to face, again, whatever challenges may come.  I can't say I look forward to them always, but I can say that I am grateful for the lessons I learn after they come.
       It's all how you frame it.  Am I living in a very painful, difficult time?  Or am I living in an exciting time of learning, growing, strengthening, and becoming more a person of love, compassion and hope?  I think it is mostly the latter.  I choose to see it as the latter.  I choose to look for God, to look for good, to look for love, and to celebrate that.

Reframing, Part II

So today I had the opportunity to practice what I preach...
Today was the first Friday (my day off) that the kids are back in school so I was really looking forward to this day.  I would have some alone time - something that I treasure and that is so very rare when one is a single parent of three children while at the same time working full + time in a church.  I couldn't wait for this day.  I had scheduled a massage, planned a walk with a good friend, planned an afternoon nap and was going to then take the new kittens for their first vet appointment.  But when I got in the car to go for my massage, the car wouldn't start.  So....here are two ways to tell this story - both are true, but again, the way the story is told makes all the difference.

Version One:  I really needed this day of rest, relaxation and rejuvenation.  Things have been hard and I desperately needed a day to not work so hard.  I needed some alone time.  I needed to write my sermon for Sunday.  In addition, my bank account has been very stressed this month between paying for the kids' lessons for the fall, all the equipment, vet bills, etc. that go along with three new kittens, school supplies, vacation bills due, expensive house repairs, etc.  I really could not afford to have the car fixed on top of everything else.  I just don't have the money.  So instead of spending the day resting, paying bills, getting the house cleaned, RESTING, working on my sermon, being good to me, I spent most of the day dealing with the car, and was rewarded for that with another bill.  A parishioner came over to do a repair I needed doing, but that too is another expense.  And in the midst of dealing with the car, I also left my wallet at home.  Since I had never been to this car place before, that was thoroughly embarrassing as I knew they would know nothing about my character or that I wasn't out to rob them.

Again, all of that is true.  But here is version two of the same events:
I wanted to leave early for my massage because it is in a place I had never been before.  It turned out this was an amazingly good thing, because when the car then wouldn't start, I had time to call my very good friend who just happened to be available and who is so very generous with her time and resources, who then drove out to my house, gave me her car for the day and walked herself home.  Of all the times for the car to break down, this one was by far the best, being my day off and so I had the day to rearrange and didn't have to be at meetings or taking kids to school (not my carpool day).  Also, as a result of my friend's amazing availability and generosity, I was not even late for the massage.  It was wonderful!  I then drove the car to my friend's house and she joined me in walking back home.  So despite the car situation, I still was able to have both my massage and my walk with my friend.  When I got home another friend was busy replacing closet doors in my house - a very needed repair, which he is willing to do on my schedule, despite the fact that he's had some medical things going on this week!  I called AAA, and they sent someone out to tow the car right away.  Once again, I was blessed by a person who got the battery going and recommended a local place to have the battery replaced for much cheaper than the dealer would have done.  I drove the car out and the place (Sylvester's in Berea) fixed it immediately.  It only cost $135 for both the battery and the installation, and the people there were really kind.  I had forgotten my wallet at home, having taken it out of my purse in order to find my AAA card when I went to call them.  But my amazing friend who had lent me her car earlier in the day was also willing to drive out to my house, pick up my wallet and bring it to me at the car place!!  I got home then in time to take the kittens to the vet.  And while alone time did not happen, I usually end up mildly depressed when I spend too much time alone anyway.  Amazing.  Not the day I expected, but a day filled with the blessings of nice people, helpful people, good friends, a massage, a walk, kittens, kittens, kittens, new closet doors, the smell of lavender (from the massage), and the day is not even finished yet!

Re-framing.  Telling the story differently.  Looking for good, looking for GOD in every moment.  We can choose to do that.  And I am working hard to do that more.  It is more than just seeing the glass half full.  It is envisioning the possibilities for the empty space in the glass.

For me, the possibilities in the glass are not so much "vodka" but more along the line of soda or sparkly water, but you get the idea.  It is not just seeing that something is "half".  It is seeing the joy in making it whole, the opportunities and possibilities present in a space that is not yet committed to anything else, the grace in being invited into a creative process of seeing where and what we can do with where we are and what we are given today, each day.  That is my goal for this day.  That is my hope for each day of my life.  That is a calling we have - to live in gratitude rather than in the darkness of despair.

Reframing - again

      I've been thinking more about how we frame the events in our lives.  This started with a sermon I preached for our Wednesday evening praise service last night.  It was on the story of the vineyard workers - all of whom were paid the same wages even though some only worked an hour while others worked the entire day.  The thing is, if the workers who had worked all day had been paid their wages without knowing that others were being paid the same for less work, they wouldn't have been unhappy.  They were only unhappy as they compared their lot to others.  This is the experience of most of us, I think.  When we look at those worse off, we feel our blessings.  When we look at those we believe to be better off, we feel life is "unfair."  It really depends on where we stand and what we choose to look at or focus on, and how we then "frame" our experience.
      I told this story last evening: when we lived in California, my daughter attended Head-Royce school.  Head-Royce is an outstanding, private school where the kids are not only taught extremely well in all subjects, but where strong and important values of caring for the world, the community and each other are taught.  The kids are taught that they have resources, are privileged and should, therefore, use those resources and that privilege to better the world.  Head-Royce is also extremely expensive to attend.  This year's tuition for a high school kid is $33,525 for the year. We could not have afforded to send her there but for the school's commitment to serve people of all types, including all economic classes and they gave Eldest almost a complete free ride (for which I continue to be extremely grateful!) based on our family's income.  We felt incredibly blessed, incredibly blessed by the quality of the education she was receiving there and by the amazing staff and faculty that were part of her life for those few years.
     However...as I'm sure you can imagine, most of the children attending came from extremely wealthy families.  Keep in mind that a family would usually send all of their children to the school - can you imagine a yearly tuition of over $100,000 to send three children to school?  Well, obviously many can.  Since that is far and above my annual salary, it doesn't really compute with me.  And while I stood in the place of gratitude that she was included in this community, there came a day when Eldest came home from school and said, "Why don't I have a huge, castle-like house to live in? Why don't I have my own pony?  Why aren't we going skiing in France over winter's break?  Why don't I have my own play castle in the backyard, complete with kitchenette and bathroom?  Why don't we have a nanny?  Why are my clothes hand-me-downs? ...etc., etc., etc..."  And I realized that while I was able to compare our situation to those in our neighborhood, in our town, in our community, Eldest was only able to compare herself to those in her daily community, which was these other families at school.
     I think about the challenging situation that our family went through.  So many people, then and now, say to me "You are amazing for continuing with the joy and energy that you still do!  It is incredible that you continue to walk and laugh and move forward and have your being intact in this way, that your faith is still so strong and that you are able to still dream and vision and...."  Well, okay.  They are comparing me to what they have gone through, or what they think "most people" in the United States don't experience.  But I tend to compare myself differently.  I still have all three of my children and they are all healthy, brilliant, beautiful, compassionate, good kids.  I have a beautiful house and neighborhood to live in.  I have work that is meaningful and enjoyable.  I am surrounded by a community, near and far, of absolutely wonderful, deep, faithful, loyal, honest, true and loving friends and family.  I have enough to eat.  Our standard of living has not been decreased by all we experienced.  And I have my faith - a faith in a God who is tangible and present and loving, all the time.  There are people who really suffer - people who live through wars, who suffer hunger, who have no work and don't know how they will care for their families, people who've lost children to horrible events.  My life is not like that.  I am blessed.
     It's all about how we choose to see, what we choose to focus on, and how we frame things.  I could focus on what we went through that was horrible.  Or I can focus on the amazing gifts that came from that time - strength, a deeper connection with God and with many other people, a sense of my own abilities in times of crisis to persevere, a deepened empathy with others who do suffer, experiences that I can write about that hopefully will help other people, and the list continues.
    My children sometimes say, "It's not fair...she got a bigger piece of pie than me."  Yes, we can focus on the fact that our piece of pie is smaller than someone else's.  We can also focus on the gift, the grace, that we have pie at all.  I also hear, "It's not fair!  I work hard and don't get nearly the reward of those other people who don't work nearly as hard as I do".  Yes, we can focus on that.  Or we can focus on the fact that we do have work and that the work we have brings in an income to support us.
     I have found myself re-framing my life experiences repeatedly.  How will I tell my story?  How will I describe the events in my life?  Will I talk about them as tragedies that I have endured?  Or will I talk about how close God was through the challenges in my life?  And how wonderful people were who stood with me, who listened, how gave me hugs and comfort - many of whom still continue to do that?  Will I focus on the friends I lost through the tragedies?  Or will I give thanks to God for the time we had together, and accept that some friendships only last a season or for a reason, while others last a life-time and that the ones that don't last still had value and contributed to my life?  Will I talk about myself as a victim?  Or will I talk about how I grew and was given gifts of understanding, insight, friends, faith, God's presence, that I probably would not have otherwise experienced and that now have made me stronger, better, more whole, more connected?
    It's not that we don't have feelings.  Feelings happen and they just are.  We experience grief, we experience loss, we experience being tired or overworked or overwhelmed, especially when difficult challenges arise.  But we can impact those feelings, or at least how long they last, by what we choose to see, to give our attention to, to make the focus of our lives.
     How do you tell your stories?  How do you allow those stories to define who you are?  We have a lot of choice about that.  Thanks be to God!

Be Careful What you Pray For - today's sermon

Luke 8:26-39
In today’s gospel reading I am struck with the reality once again that one person’s hopes, dreams, and wishes are sometimes in conflict with what others wish for, hope and dream.  In today’s story, Jesus listens and responds to four different parties’ wishes:  the man with the demons, the demons themselves, those who tended the swine, and the people of the region who then begged Jesus to leave.  And Jesus attended to each of those (again, even the demons – a point that is well worth thinking about) at each step of the way.  So for example, he responds to the man with the demons by sending them out, but the demons request not to be sent into the abyss.  So he sends the demons into the pigs because they ask to go there, but this obviously upsets the people whose job it is to tend the pigs, so then a further request is made for him to leave town, which he also does.  The man is cured, but the pigs are harmed.  The pigs go into the water, which then threatens the livelihoods of those who tend the pigs.  And eventually, Jesus is sent away out of fear because of his power.  Each request leads to a consequence, which leads to another request, and Jesus attends to them all.  Still, in the end, the man is cured, healing has happened, a miracle has occurred, and that which was really needed has come about.
And again, I’m struck by the deep reality of this situation.  Sometimes the things we want may seem to be best for us, but aren’t actually best for others, or even for ourselves necessarily.
In the movie Bruce Almighty, Bruce is given the opportunity to play God or be God for awhile.  And when he hears the huge or “ginormous” (as my kids would say) numbers of prayers coming his way constantly, he feels completely overwhelmed at first.  But one of the complaints that led to God giving Bruce a try at being God was that Bruce felt God didn’t respond well to prayers, didn’t respond to people’s needs and wants.  So Bruce felt it was important to do things differently than God had, and he decided that the easiest way and best way to attend to everyone’s prayers and wishes was just to say “yes” to them all.  Can you imagine the results that followed?  The chaos that ensued was outrageous, though my guess is that the destruction depicted was not nearly as much as it would have been in real life.  For example, many, many people prayed to win the lottery.  They all did, which meant that each person only won a few dollars.  This was followed by riots and rebellion.  Bruce had also pulled the moon closer to the earth and this caused all sorts of weather problems, which caused power failures and other issues.  Some people praying for one thing contradicted others praying for opposing wishes and the result was a complete mess.  Confusion, destruction, outrage –chaos.
I am also reminded of Mark Twain’s story “The War Prayer”.  The story takes place in a church during a time of war.  And the pastor is praying for their side to win the war.  Mark Twain says it like this:  “The burden of (the prayer’s) supplication was, that an ever-merciful and benignant Father of us all would watch over our noble young soldiers, and aid, comfort, and encourage them in their patriotic work; bless them, shield them in the day of battle and the hour of peril, bear them in His mighty hand, make them strong and confident, invincible in the bloody onset; help them crush the foe, grant to them and to their flag and country imperishable honor and glory…” He then ends the prayer with “Bless our arms, grant us the victory, O Lord and God, Father and Protector of our land and flag!”  But as he is saying this prayer, an old and oddly glowing stranger walks to the front of the room, nudges the pastor aside and Mark Twain continues the story in this way: The stranger said: “I come from the Throne — bearing a message from Almighty God!” The words smote the house with a shock; if the stranger perceived it he gave no attention. “He has heard the prayer of His servant your shepherd, and will grant it if such be your desire after I, His messenger, shall have explained to you its import — that is to say, its full import. For it is like unto many of the prayers of men, in that it asks for more than he who utters it is aware of — except he pause and think.  God’s servant and yours has prayed his prayer. Has he paused and taken thought? Is it one prayer? No, it is two — one uttered, and the other not. Both have reached the ear of Him who heareth all supplications, the spoken and the unspoken. Ponder this — keep it in mind. If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon your neighbor at the same time. If you pray for the blessing of rain on your crop which needs it, by that act you are possibly praying for a curse on some neighbor’s crop which may not need rain and can be injured by it.”  The stranger goes on to describe the reality that when we pray for victory for our own, we are praying for destruction of the other.  When we pray that our soldiers might fight and win with strength and might, we are praying that others might die and be destroyed in horrible ways.  When we pray to win, we are praying for others to lose.  When we pray for success, we are praying that others might fail.  It is a short story and I have a copy of it for all who might be interested in reading it, because it is a story worth reflecting on.  But the point is not about war prayers.  The point is much bigger than that.
  Do we think about all the ramifications of our prayers?  Do we think about our neighbors when we pray – all of our neighbors when we pray?  A couple weeks ago I shared with you the story of the televangelist who, during a hurricane about 20 years ago, took a group of folk down to the coast to prove the power of prayer.  These few people stood on the beach and prayed that the storm would not hit them.  The storm did, in fact, avoid them, but instead it hit a town full of people who were injured or killed.  Those who traveled to the coast proved that their prayers were answered.  At what cost did they pray them?  The people who stood on the shore to pray did not live there.  They flew there to show the power of prayer.  If in fact, those prayers were the reason the storm went north and hit the town instead, was their proving that prayer worked worth the cost to all of those injured people, families who lost loved ones and people who lost property?
The thing is, I actually don’t really believe that God cares so little for the consequences of our prayers that God only pays attention to what we say and not what others need or what is best for everyone.  Even in today’s story, the man with the demons was not asking Jesus to help him but Jesus chose to do it anyway.  I think God is wiser and more loving than to simply answer prayers regardless of consequences.  None the less, none the less, I think that we are called to think through our prayers, to think through the consequences of those requests, to have a bigger vision for the needs of the community, of the world, of our neighbors, and indeed for our enemies as well.  We are called to do that as part of our loving our neighbors as ourselves.  We are called to do that to help us to have a bigger vision of what others needs.  We are called to do that so that we may grow in compassion and love and deepen in our relationships with God.  And we are called to consider our prayers seriously, since unforeseen and negative consequences to others impact us as well.  We are also called to think through our requests in prayers because sometimes we, too, reap negative consequences of the things we wish for, hence the saying, “be careful what you wish for.”  We know from personal experience that sometimes the very things we want turn out not to be best for us.  Can you think of a time when you got what you wanted, only to discover it came with a cost?
I think about the movie Grumpy Old Men.  The Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau characters have been at each other ever since they were young men because they had both fallen in love with the same woman.  Jack Lemmon’s character won that particular battle, but ended up with a wife who was unfaithful and whom he eventually divorced.  Walter Matthau’s character could never forgive him, though in losing his wish for Meg, he ended up with a wonderful and very faithful wife instead.  And this story is real.  It is real in the sense that many people have shared with me stories of heartbreaks in which they prayed fervently for a loved one to continue to stay with them, only to find someone who was so much better a partner for them, someone they never would have found if their original prayers had been answered.
So where does this leave us?  Does it leave us afraid to pray for what we want?  Does it leave us trapped in the saying “be careful what you wish for” and therefore afraid to wish for anything?  No.  We are still called to be open and honest with God, to talk to God about our feelings and hopes, our fears and our heartbreaks.  But I do think we are encouraged to stay aware, even as we share our deepest desires, that God knows better than we do what is best for us, what is best for others, what is best for the world.  I think we are encouraged to listen for God’s guidance and leading in our prayers and strive to pray for those things God calls us to pray for.  And I always believe that ending our prayers with “yet not my will but yours be done” after we have had open and honest conversation is a good practice.  After all, Jesus modeled this for us in the garden of Gethsemane, as he first shared his hope that he might not have to die – honestly sharing his feelings, and then ended his prayer with “yet not my will but yours be done.”
In today’s story, each request had consequences that led to further requests.  But the good news is that God listens every time to those further requests.  God does care about what we want, what we ask for, and what we need, even when those are different things.  God listens to us, God responds to us, and God strives always to give us that which will bring the most healing and the most wholeness for everyone.  Amen.