"You are what you see." This is a quote that I was told came originally from Thick Nhat Hanh but as I tried to clarify this online, it seems many people have said this, and with good reason. Psychologists say that what we internalize through life, media or other parts of life can deeply affect who we are, what we believe, and how we function in this life time. I read an article in Psychology Today that named the deep effects on a person's psyche of watching too much negative news. Watching negative news can lessen our sense of joy, increase anxiety, and lead to deep depression. Similarly, there are numerous studies that show watching too much violent TV or engaging in violent video games encourages children and adults to act out that violence in their lives. Considering how much time people spend watching violent TV or playing violent video games, is the increasing rage and violence in our country surprising?
There is a common misperception that if you are feeling angry, you can dispel those feelings by acting out violence towards non-human targets (punching bags, pillows, shooting images through a video game). In fact, the opposite has been found to be true. Once you begin to act out violence towards ANYTHING, the possibility of becoming violent towards the living beings around you increases. That is a consistent finding. Psychologists knew this 40 years ago (I remember learning it in my psychology classes in college) and studies continue to bear out this finding, yet people still claim they are "getting OUT their anger" through violence when instead their behaviors increase those feelings and violent tendencies. When we see, feel, hear or act out violence, even if it is aimed at inanimate or video objects, we increase the violence of our own beings and our own tendencies to harm others.
This also manifests in what news we watch. While we choose our news channels based on our beliefs, at the same time it becomes circular in that the stories we hear and see reinforce and tend to cement us into the beliefs we already had. They make us who we are as much as we choose them because of who we are.
Still, today I heard the phrase, "you are what you see" differently. While I believe that what we see, what we engage with our eyes, our ears and our actions (such as playing violent video games) does change how we interact with the world, I also heard and understood this phrase at a deeper level. We have choices about how we see the events around us. We make decisions about how we interpret events. As I have shared before, I knew someone who regularly said that every action of every person was a play for power. I don't agree with her that this is true of everyone. I do see that it is true of her own behaviors. She projected onto the world her own internal reality. She chose to see the world through the lens of others' playing for power and as a result, this "sight" of hers effected everything that she did as well and encouraged her choices to continue to be plays for power.
I am very close to a few people who have a condition that is a common part of ADHD called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria affects the way in which they see the world in that they experience perceived slights as rejection. This may sound familiar to some of you who may experience this in your own lives as well. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria means that if someone forgot to invite you to something, or didn't look at you while they were speaking, or said something in a way that could have been perceived as a slight, even if that was never the intention, you assume you are being rejected, you assume you aren't liked and aren't valued. While this is a common part of ADHD, there is still some choice in this. There are activities that encourage those with this condition to consider other possibilities for the behavior they saw as rejection. If these activities are practiced with regularity, they can change the way the person sees and interacts with the world.
Another example: Once a person starts seeing the world as divided into "good" and "bad" it is easy to see that mirrored in the world. By "easy," I mean just that. Considering why a person or group of people behave in a certain way takes effort, it takes work to refrain from casting certain people or groups of people as "bad guys." It also usually means a person has to be more self-reflective and look at their contributions to the negative behaviors in the world, and that can be very painful. But that effort, that work is deeply worthwhile as we strive to heal the world, bring peace to the world, create a better world, and become more whole people ourselves.
What do we choose to engage in with our eyes, our ears, our time? Do we choose to invite into our beings the violence that is so prevalent on TV or in video games, or even in the news? Do we try to balance the negative news we hear with positive news, reminding ourselves that there still is good in humanity and in the world? (Because that is the solution here: ignoring the news is not a good option. Choosing to balance it out with positive stories is more effective as well as healthier.) But more, how do we choose to see the world? And can we choose to see with eyes of grace, compassion and love? If we make that choice, how will our behaviors, and our very souls be impacted and effected? I believe this choice would change each of us, and in doing so, has the potential to change the world for the better.
