Jokes and sermon for Humor Sunday

Jokes for Humor Sunday, 2020
     A man went to the movies and was surprised to find a woman with a big collie sitting in front of him.  Even more amazing was the fact that the dog always laughed in the right places through the comedy.  “Excuse me,” the man said to the woman, “but I think it’s astounding that your dog enjoys the movie so much.” “I’m surprised myself,” she replied.  “He hated the book.”  

      The Spanish king has been quarantined on his private jet.  This means that the reign in Spain will stay mainly on the plane.
       Never believe anything an atom tells you.  They make up everything!  

        A man tried to sell me a coffin today.  I told him that's the last thing I need. 

        What's the opposite of Irony?   Wrinkly

         In the foyer of a church, a young boy was looking at a plaque with names of men and women who had died in various wars.  He asked the pastor "Who are these people?"  The Pastor said "These are members from our church who died in service."  The boy asked, "The early service or the second service?"   

      Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks!  The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

        I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune…now I turn it like I am cracking a safe! 

       I need to practice “social distancing’ from the refrigerator. 

       Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter…..the Living Room or the Bedroom. 

       Every few days try your jeans on to make sure they still fit!  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom!
       Home schooling is going well..2 students suspended for fighting , 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
       I don’t think that anyone expected that when we changed our clocks back, we’d go from Standard Time to the “Twilight Zone”!
       This morning I saw my neighbor talking to her cat.  It was obvious she thought that her cat understood her.  I came into the house, told my dog and we laughed!
      Quarantine day 5…Went to the restaurant called the KITCHEN.  You have to gather all of the ingredients and make your own meal.  I have no clue how this place stays in business.
      My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, that when I pee it cleans the toilet!
      I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda, I am getting tired of Casa Barbara and Los Livingroom!
     Classified Ad:  Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand-sanitizer  for good clean fun!
     Day 6.Homeschooling:  My child just said, “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.”

     Why didn’t Noah ever go fishing?  He only had two worms.

     If the schools are closed for too long, the parents are going to find a vaccine before the scientists.

My mother said I’d never amount to anything sitting on the couch and watching t.v. all day. And yet here I am, doing just that and saving the world.

     At Sunday School they were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.  Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"  Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

    It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.  "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him.       "Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and he shows up."

     One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?"

      "I know, I know!" a little boy exclaimed, "pantyhose!"

      The Sunday School teacher was describing that when Lot's wife looked back at Sodom she turned into a pillar of salt, when Bobby interrupted. "My mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced, "and she turned into a telephone pole."

       Lot again... A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt."  His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

       Q: Where do Buddhists hide for a surprise birthday party?

       A: In the present!

       An old football player dies and goes to heaven.  The angel at the gate says to him “now that you are in heaven, you can do anything you want. What would you like to do?’  The football player asks. I would love to play football again, may I?’  The Angel answers “yes, of course!  Just come to practice tomorrow, but we do not have numbers on the jerseys that way everyone is the same.”  So the football player goes to practice and he sees one player with the number 16 on his jersey.   The football player asks the angel “who is the person with the numbered jersey.”  And the angel answers “Oh that God, he thinks he is Joe Montana”



                                                            The Gifts of Laughter

               We come once again to Humor Sunday, the Sunday after Easter that was traditionally given over to jokes and humor and laughter.  The last joke was on death: even death held no sway in the end, even death, the one thing we can count on, was overturned.  Death was not king, death did not rule.  Love did.  And so we laugh and we remember that no matter what we think of life and the way things are supposed to go, it is all ultimately up to God what today or tomorrow will bring for us.  We who believe ourselves to be in charge, in control, have a lot to learn about life.

            While the psalms we read encourage joy, and laughter is a good way to get there, it is more than that.  There is also humor in the Bible.  Some of the stories are joyful, but others are downright funny.  Professor Hershey Friedman says that the different types of humor we find in scripture include, sarcasm, irony, wordplay, humorous names, humorous imagery, and humorous situations.  A couple of examples, when the Israelites were fleeing Egypt, they used sarcasm in confronting Moses by saying, “was there a lack of graves in Egypt that you took us away to die in the wilderness?”  In Samuel, Achish said to David, “Why did you bring him to me? Do I lack lunatics that you have brought this one to carry on insanely in my presence?"  Jesus says, “"You are like a person who picks a fly out of his drink and then swallows a camel".  Additionally, God names Isaac “laughter” – the one who leads us forward, who is our ancestor in faith is named “laughter”. 

            But we take a Sunday to laugh for other reasons: G.K. Chesterton once wrote: “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. Never forget that the devil fell by force of gravity. He who has the faith has the fun.” 

Laughter is a gift from God in so many ways.  It encourages us to not take ourselves so seriously, to remember that ultimately, we are not really in charge of anything.  Additionally, research shows that laughing actually has pain-reducing capacities, and it raises our pain threshold so we can tolerate pain better and we experience it less when we are laughing and for some time after a full, strong laugh.  It helps us learn – we learn better after a good laugh.  And it boosts our immune-enhancing capacities.  When we laugh fully and completely, we are said to “lose” it.  What we actually “lose” in those moments is our distraction of everything else – our distraction of our self-consciousness, our distractions of the stresses in our lives, we stop fleeing our stressing out and instead are completely present in the moment – and that moment, the NOW is where God is. 

I’ve shared with you before the article by Rev. Stephen Pieters who had a terminal illness which he kept at bay for years through laughter.  He was given 6 months to live, but he chose to watch reruns of “I love lucy” every day and 12 years later he was still alive. 

                Laughter has these innate healing qualities to them, not just physically but emotionally too.  I think that’s why when people are especially stressed out, they are more prone to laughter.  Have you ever been so stressed that suddenly everything struck you as hilarious and you found yourself rolling on the floor until those chuckles finally gave way to tears?  My kids will tell you this is a common experience for me.  When I can’t cry, when I’m too stressed out to cry or to scream or to do anything other than just function, when I refuse to take the time I need to process through the difficulties and challenges in my life, often my body forces me to emote through the gift of finding something utterly hilarious.  And I will start laughing and then be completely unable to stop until the tears are pouring down my cheeks and I find myself weeping instead. 

Laughter and tears: they are so closely related.  And I think both are the highest form of prayer.

In today’s New Testament lesson, we hear about the disciples inability to see Jesus among themselves.  They could not see him, though they walked with him and talked with him.  Our grief, our pain can block our vision.  But doing the basic things of life, eating, breaking bread – obviously, but I would also say crying and laughing also open our eyes.  Laughter eases our minds, breaks down our defenses, and causes us to hear, learn, grow, SEE in different ways.  One of the lessons we were taught at seminary was that if you really wanted people to hear something, make them laugh right before you say your most profound words.  Laughter opens us up.

In the Genesis passages that we read for today, we hear that there are different kinds of laughter.  Abraham laughs out of disbelief, but it doesn’t feel bitter to me.  It just feels like someone has said something so surprising and so ridiculous that he can’t help but laugh.  Sarah’s laugh feels different.   Her laughter feels more like sarcasm – almost a bitter laughter, a “yeah right” kind of chuckle.  And this laughter God confronts, saying there is nothing that is beyond God, no matter how “absurd” it may seem.  But in the end, Sarah names her son laughter – and in this laughing it is delight.  It is the laughter of sarcasm and bitterness turned into the laughter of joy, of celebration.  Finally, we come to another story of Jesus’ resurrection.  And through it we are reminded that God has the final “laugh”.  And this time that laugh is on death itself.  Even that is overcome, to the surprise, to the joy, to the delight of God’s people and the disciples in particular.  The joke is on “evil”.  Good wins.  It is hilarious and wondrous and wonderful that just when death seemed to win and grab even Christ, that even death was overcome.  It is not just something to celebrate, this is something to truly delight in, to laugh about!  God is the God of the amazing, of healing, of joy, of laughter.  And today we celebrate that gift – we honor that gift by laughing with God, by enjoying life with God, by remembering that God won!