True Love

          I realize that title may be misleading.  I'm not talking about romantic love, but the love we are called to exhibit for one another.  I'm talking about the kind of love that is truly about working for the others' best and wants nothing in return.  That is genuine love.  That is true love.
        Some of you may say that doesn't exist, but it does.  (Spoiler alert for those who haven't seen or read all the Harry Potter stories) I've written before about the kind of love that Snape demonstrates for Lilly.  She didn't love him back.  She didn't return his feelings.  And yet he chooses to watch out for her child, a child he can't stand, because he loved and loves Lilly still.  He knows he will get nothing from her, indeed she is no longer living at the time he chooses these behaviors.  He seeks nothing in return.  He gives fully and completely out of his love for her.
       We see this similarly in the movie, "Love Actually" (again, another spoiler alert).  There is a man in the movie who is in love with his best friend's wife.  But he chooses out of deep love for both of them to simply distance a bit.  He does not seek to win her over, but he does little things (like making sure that his best friend does not "cheat" on her at his bachelor party, and hiring a surprise wonderful group of musicians for their wedding) that are deep expressions of his love for both of them.  He guises it under his care for his best friend, but as the movie progresses, it becomes clear that in fact, he has done all of this for her.  Again, he seeks nothing back.  He asks for nothing back.  His love is genuine, true, pure, in the deepest sense of the word.  It is not a "trade", it does not need something back in order to be real, it is not seeking anything.  His love is a gift, freely given.  It is true love in the deepest sense of the word.
        I could go on with examples from movies and books, because our stories are rife with examples of this kind of deep, selfless, true love.  Romantic love, love for siblings, love for children, love for friend - so many amazing stories of the kind of love that asks for nothing in return.
       And in real life?  I think most people have that kind of love for their children.  Of course there are exceptions- parents who reject their kids when their kids become people they don't like obviously did not give their love freely.  Instead, they give it conditionally upon the child behaving in a certain way or believing certain things or being a specific kind of person.  But I would hope that most parents love their kids unconditionally and fully.  But beyond that?
      I think there is a reason we put this kind of true love into our stories so often.  We all want it.  We all want to be loved in this kind of completely selfless, unconditional, true way.  Many of us want to be able to love like this too - to know that we are capable of unconditional loving.  But the reason these stories are so moving and profound and important to us is that unconditional, true love is rare.  It isn't the norm.  We expect something back in our love.  I love you so you love me.  I give out of my love to you, so I expect you to give it back to me.  I will care for you, and in return I expect you to agree with me, to support me in my deeply held convictions, to adjust to what I want to do.  It is rare that people have tolerance for the mistakes that others make, or true compassion in the face of perceived hurts, or grace towards others' best efforts if they aren't what we think is best, right and in our best interests.  I keep thinking about a blog post I wrote here in April of 2013 after I had just heard a woman on the radio talking about forgiveness.  She said that her fiancé had cheated on her and that she had responded by finding one of his friends and cheating in return. She said that as a result of that, she was now happily married.  She said, "My motto is, 'a lady's best revenge is forgiveness...after she's gotten even.'" Again, this was in 2013.  I would be utterly astonished if I were to discover that they are still married.  That isn't love.  It isn't forgiveness.  And it really sets a poor stage for any future trust.  But I fear this behavior is more normative than the true love we all seek, hope for, or want to embody in ourselves.  And that is especially true during times of deep stress like we are all experiencing right now.  It is far too easy to take things out on those around us, and it is far too common to think of one's own comfort and forget that others are equally stressed and struggling to be their best right now as well.
      We are called to embody those things that we believe to be true, good and right.  So perhaps we need to start by working a little bit harder at loving one another.  Try to offer more grace and compassion, even to those with whom you disagree.  Seek to be kind, even when it is hard.  Practice generous living and thinking.

Returning from the Mountain Top

            We've all had those mountain top times in which we experience something beyond "good," beyond what we expect, beyond what we even imagine.  We've all had those rare but beautiful times when it feels that our lives have been, for a moment, in a "thin" place, a place where the "veil between heaven and earth" or rather, the separation between what is true and good and profound from what is mundane and daily and "life" simply thins out.  These are times when we glimpse what is important, what is real at a whole other level, when we touch the Divine in a way that brings tears to our eyes, changes our breathing, affects our whole perspective on our lives and for a moment feels that it will never let us go back to what we once were.
          The transfiguration story was such a moment.  The disciples were given a vision: they saw Jesus transformed and Moses and Elijah appeared and were speaking with Jesus on a mountain top.  Their response was to say "let us build three shelters here for the three of you!"  They did not want the experience to simply be over: they did not want the vision to end.  It needed to be marked, somehow, with something special and concrete, something that was not the vision but was tangible.  They wanted a way to stay in the moment, or to at least a doorway to be able to return to it.
          Again, this is familiar.  When we have those moments, those "mountain top experiences", those highs, we want to mark them, to make them concrete.  We want to be permanently changed by the experiences in a way that lets the world know what has happened, that shares it.  We want to be able to return to that place within and without where we touched something beyond ourselves.  Given the chance, we would never leave.
       But that is not what happens.  We do leave the mountain top.  We have to descend back into the daily hum drum of life.  We have our routines, we have people who need us, we have our work and our household chores and our relationships.  All of these require attention that bring us back from those highs and push us to return to who we were, at least in the day to day scheme of things.
        In light of this, how do we hold on to a piece of what we experienced?  How do we allow those highs to change us, affect us, make in us something new?
         For the last two weeks, David and I had the incredible privilege and joy of being able to go to Scotland for a belated honeymoon.  I will not make this into a travel log post, though at some point I may write one.  What I will say is that it was wonderful.  We were able to see many Scottish beauties and to participate in many interesting events.  We travelled mostly around to the islands off the mainland of Scotland and stayed, most of the time, in smaller villages.  We saw castles and estates and standing stones, the National Piping Center, a sheepdog demonstration, the Edinburgh Military Tattoo.  We experienced a traditional Scottish meal with entertainment of singing and performing.  We travelled with two different tours, met very interesting people, heard much about Scottish history and Scottish culture, heard traditional and new Scottish music, saw the bagpipes play many times, and connected with people in meaningful and wonderful ways.
        But to say all of that is to miss out on the depth of the experience, at least for me.  The depth of the experience connected for me much more to things like the weather (which was wonderful for us), and the incredible beauty of the highlands and the gardens and nature.  It was about being in places that meant something to David and I - a cemetery with the names of family for David, and Iona with all that it represents in terms of faith and spirituality for me.  It was about walking and smelling the smells of Scotland, breathing in the air of history and story and deep connection.  It was a beautiful, meaningful and wonderful couple of weeks.  To talk about it at all feels like cheapening and lessening the experience somehow... moving it out of the realm of the magical and spiritual, and into the realm of a vacation or a trip, a fun time that we were given, in order to celebrate our marriage.
       I've returned then wondering how to share, what to say, and how to communicate in any way what we experienced.  I've returned wondering if the time away can be allowed to change me for the better, and if so, what that looks like and why.  I've returned with more questions than I had before I left, more unresolved wonderings, and a stronger sense of the restlessness that my life produces in me regularly.
       And as I've sat with this mountain top experience, I think my response to it has to, as ever, begin with simple gratitude: gratitude for the time, gratitude for the space, and gratitude for the experiences. I think it is that gratitude that must deepen as I reflect on what lessons I will carry from that time away.  I also hope it will help me to remember when I am struggling or feeling low that life comes with ebbs and flows, highs and lows.  I've had extremes at both ends.  But that, too, just invites fuller living and a deeper sense of possibility within me for growing, seeing, becoming what I hope to be.  I do not know where all of this will take me.  But perhaps the "high", the "mountain top" is just a new beginning, and an invitation to see where my next steps will lead, both within and without.  It is an opening up of the spirit so that what is deep and real may blow inside my being with each new breath.  I will write more as I learn.  But for today, I sit in the gratitude and am thankful for the space to remember, to reflect, and to breath in experiences of joy, light, and love.
     Thanks be to God!