I’ve been thinking a great deal about Pentecost as I prepare to "stand" (ie run) for the co-moderatorship of the PCUSA. Our platform is and will continue to be staying at the table, inviting the stories, listening deeply to others and trying to cross the divides which are becoming deep gulfs between us. And what I want to talk about today is that I’ve been thinking that we have become lazy in our relationships to one another.
There is good reason for this. We’ve become an instant gratification society in every way. Any piece of information is there at our fingertips: all we have to do is google whatever we want to know and we can find it. We can order anything we want and have it on our doorstep within 24 hours.
Our relationships have become the same. We text each other now, expecting instant responses. When we don’t get instant responses, there is often either anger or concern: why aren’t they answering me? Why has it been 10 minutes and I haven’t heard back?
But it’s even more than this. I read a book a few years back called “rules of estrangement” that was about the epidemic of young people who are cutting off their parents. Why are they doing this? Because “well, the relationship is ‘toxic’ for me,” by which they often mean that they experience discomfort at one point or another. There is a story like one in which a young adult’s parent asked “how’s work going?” The young adult didn’t like that question, so rather than talking to her parent about that fact, she simply cut her off with the words, “This is a toxic relationship. Your question makes me feel uncomfortable and so it's unacceptable and I will no longer engage it.”
We are lazy. We are no longer willing or even ABLE to be patient, or to engage one another in difficult conversations. We are no longer wiling or even ABLE to stay at the table with those we disagree with. And the result is this growing divide that is no longer a small creek but a mighty river that we simply do not cross for any reason whatsoever.
What does this have to do with Pentecost? The pentecost story is about people from all over the place coming together, and despite language differences, they were able to hear and understand one another. It was considered a miracle. And I think I’d have to agree with that assessment, especially, again, in today’s world. It is a miracle beyond imagining when we understand one another across our differences: across our different view points, different experiences, different grounding, different cultural orientations. Really, we speak very different languages. And that choice to be engaged, to hear, and to dive deep enough to understand: those are miracles.
Note that at the beginning of this passage it says, ‘they were all in one place” and what that means is actually “they were in one accord”. The unity, though, that they shared, that “one accord” that they shared was their faith grounding. It did not extend to individual beliefs or differences, to “languages” to idioms, to cultural differences. Still, that unity of being in faith, invited them and allowed them to hear one another.
It is also important to point out that not everyone was able to do that. There were some who declared that the folk they heard speaking were either drunk or crazy. But for those who were of one accord, who were united by their faith, that miracle of understanding and hearing was profound.
When I was in Cleveland there was a music group formed called “Elders of Jazz”. These were “elders” in two senses of the word: they were all Presbyterian elders (ruling and teaching elders) from different Presbyterian congregations in the area. They were also all retired, so “elder” in that sense too. They served together, going around to different congregations with offerings of Jazz music for a Sunday. However, at one point the founding church had a strong disagreement with the Presbytery. That disagreement started with a theological difference, but moved then into the church withdrawing from the Presbytery and arguing with the Presbytery over the cost of doing so (as you know, our churches are owned by the Presbytery, not by the congregation, so when a church leaves the denomination, they are required to buy their building and grounds form the Presbytery). This created a rift. There was no longer a place for them to meet, to practice. There was no longer common ground for them to be a united “elders of jazz”. But they had the vision to see that disputes are temporary if we trust in the Spirit. And that God’s call to be united in Christ extends beyond our differences and our diversity. So, they put a statement together for the Presbytery that said, “We currently are not meeting, but we are still in existence and waiting for the Spirit to unify us once again.” With that attitude, they were, indeed unified once again, despite their differences and despite their struggles. They remembered what it was to be “one in Christ”. They remembered that the Spirit’s job is to connect us all and God and that if we let the Spirit do that, She will. They remembered that they did not need to be in charge of everything, or control everything, or fight every time there was a disagreement. And so they prayed. And they waited for the Spirit. And they trusted that the Spirit would come. As it did.
I want to say that even if we weren’t in the cultural situation in which we now find ourselves, I think this can be very hard. When transportation was slow, by foot or by horse at the fastest, and people therefore HAD to communicate and be in communion with their neighbors it was more likely to happen. Here, when we can choose who we interact with, who we commune with, what is the impetus to hear one another, to really dive deep and learn from one another? But as I watch our country and even our churches become more and more divided, I believe that this call to be in conversation, but more to really listen to one another is essential.
So how do we do this? How do we invite Pentecost moments where we truly hear each other? How do we invite the spirit in to help us listen?
I believe it has to start with curiosity. My experience is that when we are in a place of disagreement, most of us what to TALK, but few of us want to really listen. Taking the time to pause, to ask questions, to try to dig deeper is essential. So first of all, make it more important to hear and understand than to talk. Make it more important to ask questions and to listen for where there are common values, common concerns under the end results. Take the time to be willing to be curious. AND, be willing to listen as someone who considers the possibility that we might be wrong. That's important. If you aren't listening with the possibility of growing, learning, and accepting that you might be wrong, you aren't really listening at all.
Secondly, I think the acronym “THINK” is important when we do talk. Before you speak, ask yourself these questions:
Is it TRUE
Is it HELPFUL
Is it INSPIRED
Is it NECESSARY
Is it KIND
If even one of those is missing from what you have to say, then pause. Figure out a different way to say it. Call one another IN rather than OUT so that the conversation is not ended, but continues and goes deeper.
This does not mean ignoring injustices. The conversations must go there. But that is part of calling people IN rather than OUT. Point out our commonalities, point out your care for the person, then ask the questions about why the beliefs are there, and explore how your own are similar, and where the differences are.
Finally, as people of faith, in all these conversations, start and end with prayer. Start and end with inviting the spirit to be active in your relationships. Start and end with remembering that each other person is a beloved child of God, worthy of care, respect, attention, patience and our time.
We are called to be a Pentecost people. And as Pentecost people we are called to hear one another, to invite the spirit to be part of our conversations so that we can understand and love one another with more fullness and commitment. It is NOT easy. It is not easy for me, and it is not easy for you. But that is the call.
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