I'm not sleeping well. I'm tense, irritable and moody. I forget things a lot, normal things, regular things. For example, I went to start writing today and then couldn't remember why I'd opened my computer in the first place. I walk around with a general feeling of unease or "dis-ease". I want to get things done but find that it sometimes takes me three times as long to do half as good a job on things that I used to do with efficiency and confidence. I find myself feeling a bit lost, wandering around wondering what I'm doing, why, and for how long.
Does this feel familiar?
We are all in a state of crisis. I realize that for some it is a much bigger crisis than for others. Far too many are looking at financial strain at the least, and for some it is truly financial catastrophe. Some are extremely ill or worrying about friends or family who are ill. Some are isolated and alone while others are packed into situations with too many people in a small space. The situations we face are different, the things that worry us are varied. But all of us are in a state of crisis. Things are not the same, for all of us. And I think it's important for us to name that, because of this, all of us are dealing with many feelings, many fears, and anxiety is a part of that for all of us. So I just want to name some of that reality that we have in common, that we are all facing during this time.
1. We are all grieving. Life is very different now. We don't know for how long, but my guess is that some things are changed in a permanent way. Since we don't know what things are temporary and what things are permanent, we are grieving what was without any real sense of what is coming to replace it. That grief itself involves many feelings that are uncomfortable: anger, sadness, some denial, depression are just a few of those feelings.
2. We are all anxious about what the future looks like. We rely on certain things being the same. People tend to have daily rituals, daily behaviors and activities and many of these have changed. We now have different times to sleep, different times to get up, different ways of meeting with one another (on-line), different ways of getting our work done or looking for new work or preparing for changes in our work lives. For many of us, the new routines are not yet set. Our bodies as well as our minds and hearts are needing to adjust to these changes, and that takes time and intentionality.
3. We all have some fear. What we fear may be different, but there is fear for us all. Will we get sick? Will our loved ones get sick? Will some of those we care about die? Who will care for our children if something happens to us? Who will care for us? Will we have work? Will our communities look the same when we have a chance to come together again? What will happen to our relationships? To our jobs? To our communities? How will we get food in a safe way? How will we get enough for our kids to eat?
There is more, but as I said when I started this post, my mind isn't what it usually is, so I think I'll stop the list of experiences there and move on to what I really wanted to say. In the midst of all of this, I want to encourage you to seek to stay emotionally and spiritually healthy as well as physical healthy. Towards that end I want to encourage all of us to try to do at least some of the following each day:
1. Breathe. I know, you may tell me that of course you are breathing. But I think we need to be more intentional about taking deep breaths. Breathing helps us to stay healthy physically, but it also calms down our anxiety. It causes us to pause in our other thinking and to simply BE. It pulls us out of our fears and anxieties and refocuses our attention on just existing. Intentional breathing reminds us that we are alive, and that each breath is a gift, an expression of grace, not something we should assume is ours. Notice your breathing, pay attention to your breathing, be grateful for your breaths. Notice your loved ones' and pets' breathing and be grateful for each breath they are taking.
2. Take time to meditate and pray. For me, prayer is talking to God (or the Divine or the Universe, or "that which is greater than oneself"), to articulate what I am feeling, what I am thinking is a gift. It not only helps me to release those feelings and thoughts, but sometimes saying them in a prayer allows me greater insight into what those feelings and thoughts actually are. Meditation is the opposite of prayer for me. It is listening, rather than talking. And in that space of listening I often hear the wisdom, the comfort and the care that I am most needing in the moment. I invite you to find a way to be intentional both about speaking your experience and listening to the wisdom that is out there for us. God is there to hear and to talk, to listen and to love you into each moment.
3. Exercise. Move your body. Get your heart rate up. Dance, walk, do yoga... whatever it is that you can do in whatever space you must stay in, to connect with the gift of your body, to step out of your mind for a few minutes and focus on just being physically alive in this world.
4. Connect. We can't touch each other. We can't visit with each other. We can't go out to eat or go for a walk. But we can still connect. Be intentional about connecting with others. Call, email, write letters, skype, zoom, or do whatever you can to work hard to stay connected with one another. Take the opportunity of this time to reach out to someone you haven't connected with in a long time, take this time to work on relationships that might otherwise not have your attention. Other people can help us to be more realistic in our anxieties, they can balance out our extreme thinking with their own vision and understanding, and they can remind us what is really important to us in this life time. Other people are there to support us when we are struggling and to give us the opportunity to offer support when they are struggling. We need each other now more than ever. Allow yourself to ask for help and to offer help to one another during this difficult time.
5. Engage art in some way. Draw a picture, sing a song, dance in your living room, look at pictures of beautiful art on the internet, read a good book, watch a good movie, write a poem or story, write a song, work on a quilt, engage in creating something outside of and beyond yourself. Art is healing to our souls, singing opens our spirits, creating brings back purpose and meaning to our lives.
6. Take time for gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal of what has been good each day during this time. Remember where life has given you gifts. Look for God and appreciate where God has touched and blessed your life in this moment.
7. Rest. Take naps. Be intentional about down time even if you are having trouble sleeping. Let this time allow for some body and mind healing from the frantic-ness of normal life. Move slowly and let that be okay.
8. Be gentle with yourself and with one another. In all of this, try to remember that this really is a crisis time. It is taking more energy than normal to function and it is taxing all of us in ways we don't usually experience. Allow room for errors, allow time for new routines and new ways of doing things to be learned, explored, and tried. Give yourself a break when you feel overwhelmed and lost.
9. Remember, beyond all else, that you are valuable, that you are loved, that you are precious. Each breath you take is a reminder that you have been loved into being and that you will be loved through and beyond each breath you take. Take time to remember that even when you are lost, God is there to find you again, and to help you find peace and wholeness.
As we walk this difficult time together, I want you to know that I am here for you. I am grateful for YOU. And we will get through all of this together. All things pass, and while there is grief that what has come before is different than what now is, we can be reassured that this crisis time, too, will pass. Breathe through today, look for the good in today, but also look towards tomorrow. It is just around the corner.
Monday, March 30, 2020
Psalms of Wisdom
Psalms
1, 15
Today is the last
week of our Psalms sermon series. I hope
that it has been informative and of interest to you. But more, I hope that you have been able to
connect to the book of Psalms in a new way, seeing them a little differently,
and hearing the invitation within the psalms to express yourself creatively to
God: to say it like you feel it with your words and with other forms of art:
music, poetry, dance perhaps, stories, drawings, sculpture, knitting, quilting
– in whatever way you express your art and your feelings. The Book of Psalms is an ARTISTIC book of the
bible rather than a narrative, rather than history, rather than story. The psalms are liturgy, they are song, and
they are creative expressions of one’s experiences and feelings much more than
one’s thoughts.
Psalms of wisdom,
however, I think contain one’s beliefs or thoughts more than the other type of
psalms we’ve discussed. Psalms of trust,
praise, lament, and even history – these psalms invite us into the feelings of the
experiences of the writers, as well as into our own experiences and feelings
towards God, life, others and ourselves.
They express in total raw, open honesty prayers to God, and reflections
on one’s situation at the moment. But
psalms of wisdom reflect more on the writer’s beliefs and reflections
rather than feelings: they express a mandate for what it is to live a good
life. They are instructive for what it
means to be people of God, and they talk to us rather than being prayers, pleas
or supplications to God on our behalf.
And they tell us what is good in our behaviors, what is right, what is
wise for us to do and be. We see in
their words wisdom expressed once again in beautiful poetry, we hear
encouragement to choose well, to act well, to live well.
We also know that words such as have been found in both
of the psalms read today have been used by some people to attack, judge or
correct other people. We have seen on
the news that no matter what you believe, you can probably find a way to
justify it, Biblically, and these psalms are no exception: they, too, allow
people with very different beliefs to use them in ways that can either help or
harm. For example, Psalm 1 says that the
way of the wicked is destroyed. And I
have heard people use this with the prosperity gospel mentality, saying that if
a person is not doing well, it shows that their behavior is suspect. If a person is poor, or struggling, or ill –
that this somehow indicates that their behavior is wrong.
We know this is
false, and we know there are many other scriptures that confront this
thinking. The book of Job focuses on the
idea that people’s suffering is not a reflection of their goodness or lack of
goodness. As Jesus himself says, “God causes
the rain to fall on the just and unjust alike.”
So, too, with Psalm
15, these wise words have sometimes also been used to inflict damage. The words are wonderful, beautiful and true:
who is it who dwells with God? The one who speaks truth, who does no damage
with their talk, does not harm a friend, someone who keeps their promises. All of this is good and true. But as we know, context here is very
important. For example, the “keeping the
promises” part is tricky. We know that
Herod felt it was so important to keep his promise to Herodias that he killed
John the Baptist. And we know that
because valuing promises over people is so dangerous, Jesus himself encouraged
us to never make promises at all. As he
said: (Matthew 5:33-37) “Again you have heard that it was said to those who
lived long ago: Don’t make a false solemn pledge, but you should follow through
on what you have pledged to the Lord.
But I say to you that you must not pledge at all…Let your yes mean yes,
and your no mean no. Anything more than this comes from the evil one.” He said this because when people put their
promises above the needs and realities of relationships and changing contexts,
people get hurt, and damaged sometimes in very serious ways.
The point I’m making
is that wisdom is contextual. And when
we become too legalistic or rigid about anything, we lose wisdom all together.
Let me give you some more
modern examples.
I look around at the sanctuary today and I have the (not
very great) insight or wisdom to notice that something is “wrong.” That things are not right here. What is wrong? Well, what’s wrong is that there are only a
very few people here in the building.
The Church is not the building, it is the people. So normally we would look at this empty
church and say, “this is a sign that we are not doing well, that we are
struggling.” But today, during this
season, during this crisis time in our community, we know that an empty
sanctuary is not a sign that our congregation is struggling. It is, instead, on this day, a sign of our
deep connectedness, our commitment to caring for the larger community by
practicing social isolation until the virus scare is past. We know that it is a reflection of an effort
to keep ourselves and everyone safe, healthy, well.
Another example: we know that eating is important. But we usually save eating for specific times
and places: we don’t eat in church, except for communion. We usually don’t eat at work or in
school. And if we have allergies or
other health problems such as diabetes, there are foods we cannot eat, or foods
we should not eat. The context of our
own health and well being, and sometimes of social practices – these dictate
whether or not it is wise to eat something and when it is wise to eat.
Bathing is important, hygiene is important. But we aren’t going to brush our teeth in the
swimming pool or at the water fountain in the park.
Being in community is very important. But also taking time to retreat and pray is
also important. And during times such as
this, we know being apart is not only important but necessary.
The reality is that very few things are good all the
time. Very few things are right in every
situation or in every context.
I think about Jesus’ words about anger and the danger of
anger. He said (Matthew 5:21-22): “You
have heard that it was said to those who lived long ago, Don’t commit murder,
and all who commit murder will be in danger of judgment. But I say to you that everyone who is angry
with their brother or sister will be in danger of judgment.”
He said this, and yet, later in the same gospel we hear
of Jesus’ anger. Matthew 21:12-13 “Then Jesus entered the temple and drove out
all who were selling and buying in the temple, and he overturned the tables of
the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. He said to them, “It
is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer’; but you are making it
a den of robbers.”
We also know that Jesus probably did not have a problem
with buying and selling: he just had a problem with the context of doing so
within the temple.
Jesus healed on the Sabbath. He picked grain on the Sabbath, too. Did Jesus have a problem with the 4th
commandment which is to keep the Sabbath holy?
And to do no work at all on the Sabbath?
No, he just had a problem with people using the law as an excuse and a
justification for hurting other people, avoiding healing, and forbidding eating.
In the book of
Proverbs, 26: 7-12, we are told,
As legs dangle from a disabled person,
so does a proverb in the mouth
of fools.
Like tying a stone in a sling,
so is giving respect to a fool.
Like a thorny bush in the hand of
a drunk,
so is a proverb in the mouth of
fools.
Like an archer who wounds someone
randomly,
so is one who hires a fool or a
passerby.
Like a dog that returns to its vomit,
so a fool repeats foolish
mistakes.
Do you see people who consider themselves wise?
There is more hope for a fool
than for them.
In other words, we need to be wise even in our
wisdom. Wisdom means acting
appropriately based on one’s context.
The wise have an understanding of context, a vision into when something
is right and when it is not.
The truth is that we just don’t know it all. We just don’t. Not one of us is all knowing, not one of us
is wise beyond it all. I wish it were
otherwise, but we become stuck or confused because we know there is not one
single person alive today who is all-wise. We all need help knowing how to do
good, how to be good, how to understand these words of Wisdom written in our
scriptures. Where is that help for us?
First and foremost, weigh everything you do against the
2 commandments that Jesus summed up for us – loving God, and loving your neighbor
as self. These are more important than any one law. These are more important than all laws put
together. We are called to love, and
wisdom requires that we value and weigh everything based on whether it does
good or does harm to those we are called ot love: to everyone. But even then sometimes it’s hard to know
what’s right. We have scriptures, we
have the writings of wise people, we have our friends, our families, our
communities, we have prayer, we have history.
Lots of resources to teach us.
I want to share with you a story.
There once was a boy who saw one of his old teachers
after years at a wedding. The boy walked
up to the teacher and asked the woman if she remembered him.
The teacher did not recognize the boy who was now a man,
but after George introduced himself, she said, “Oh yes! I remember you now, George! I have thought of you often over the
years. What are you doing now with your
life?”
George told her that, like her, he had become a teacher.
He then went on to tell the woman that he was a teacher because of her teaching
him. He said that he had followed in her
footsteps because of the huge impact she had had on his life.
She asked him what kind of impact she had made on his
life and George told her this story:
“One day when I was a boy, I stole a beautiful, but very
costly pocket watch from one of the other children in the class. It was a birthday present to him and he loved
it. But it was beautiful and valuable
and I had taken it. Danny found you and
told you and the whole class that someone had stolen his precious present, the watch. I remember how you pled with the class and
begged the class to return the watch, but I was too embarrassed to admit I had
done it or to return it. Then you locked
the classroom door and asked the class to line up and close our eyes. You went
from pocket to pocket searching for the watch. You came to my pocket and you
found the watch and you gently pulled it out.
But you did not stop there. You continued, moving from pocket to pocket
all the way to the end of the line. After you had the watch, you told us to
open our eyes and return to our seats and you returned the watch to Danny.
You never said a word to anyone about the fact that it
was me who took the watch. You didn’t
even confront me about it. You saved my
dignity, and your kindness changed my life forever. That is the power of being a good teacher,
and because of your actions, I chose to be a teacher as well.”
The teacher responded to George saying that this was an
amazing story, but that she didn’t remember much about it and certainly didn’t
remember that George had stolen the watch.
George was stunned.
“How can you not remember that I stole it? How could you not think of that story every
time you thought of me?”
The teacher responded, “I really don’t remember that it
was you who stole the watch. And here is
the reason why: As I moved from pocket to pocket I kept my eyes closed, too.”
The power of kindness, the power of love – when we look
through our wisdom psalms, ultimately, good behavior comes back to Godly
behavior: behavior that is kind, behavior that is grace-filled, behavior that
reflects the love of the God who loves us beyond our imagining. Our wisdom Psalms help us to know how to
love, they help us to follow God more closely.
They help us to be wise.
What are the ways in which you are being called to use
your wisdom, your kindness, today? It
may feel harder with our isolation, but there are ways. Our food pantries are suffering right now,
our people on the edge are losing housing and needing care. You can support organizations with your money
and resources even if you can’t visit people.
You can think about who in your community is most isolated and lonely
and reach out with a phone call or an email.
You can follow the wisdom of today’s Psalm 15: speak truth, do not do
damage with your talk, do not harm one another, do not insult one another,
share your resources, without expecting a return; do not bribe, threaten or
manipulate.
I am grateful for each of you, as far away as you may be
at this moment. I am praying for you,
wishing you well, sending you love.
Reach out if you need help.
My prayer for all of us today is that we use the psalms
more fully as our own prayers, as our own commitment to seeing, hearing,
understanding and loving God with ever more fullness. Amen.
Thursday, March 26, 2020
The Cost of Injustice?
I saw a reflection this morning that linked the injustices we have been practicing for a while now as a country to the current crisis we are all now facing. The fact that we have not agreed to universal health care has led to the people who cannot obtain proper health care infecting others. The fact that we have not provided basics (food, shelter) as human rights has also increased the number of vulnerable populations who spread the disease and cannot "shelter in place" because they have no safe shelters to begin with. The fact that we do not have humane prison and immigration policies has increased the number of people living in tight and inhumane, unhealthy, dirty quarters who are now more vulnerable to the disease and more likely to spread it to those who work in those situations who can then spread it into the larger population. The fact that we have not taken care of our world means that respiratory problems are more rampant leading to the disease being more dangerous for more people.
I think all of this reflects back on the words of the prophets of the Old Testament who decried again and again that if injustices continued to be promulgated, the results of those injustices would be harmful to everyone. Guess what? They were, once again, right. And while I do not believe that God chooses to harm us, nor that God is somehow the author of this terrible disease, I do believe that God is clear that we are to choose justice, especially for the most vulnerable, especially for the "least of these" and that when we fail to do so, the world is set up in such a way that the natural consequences of our inhumanity tend to be disastrous for everyone.
And then I hear that the government has now decided that their solution is further injustice: further giving of riches to the rich, further taking of resources from the most vulnerable (giving us a "loan" against our future?!), creating further gaps between the "haves" and the "have nots" and further separation of the "least of these" from the powerful. This will not solve the problem. Our mandate is clear, from a faith perspective, but also from a human perspective. We are all in this together, all of us. And when any of us suffer, all of us will be affected. We will also suffer. Until we understand this, until we recognize this, we will decline, we will struggle, and our very existence as a functional people is threatened.
My words of hope in this are that we have to change what is happening and I believe we have the power, the strength and the courage to do so. We have to say that we will no longer tolerate leadership choices that are all about making the rich richer. We will no longer put up with the "least of these" being treated as disposable, expendable, or "less than." These are our brothers and sisters, these are our family members, these are ourselves, and it is time that we started to care for them as such. In that choice, to love those others hate, to care for those others would abandon, and to insist on fair and loving treatment for those who have never been given a chance in this life - it is in that choice that our salvation lies.
My prayer is for a conversion of spirit: that those who hate have hearts turned to love, that those who do not see in their fellow humans their brother and sister would be given the eyes, the ears and the hearts to understand our connections to one another, that those who are greedy be given souls of generosity and gratitude. That is my prayer for today. Because I believe that it is, truly, only in a change of heart, that we will see and come to experience peace and wholeness.
I think all of this reflects back on the words of the prophets of the Old Testament who decried again and again that if injustices continued to be promulgated, the results of those injustices would be harmful to everyone. Guess what? They were, once again, right. And while I do not believe that God chooses to harm us, nor that God is somehow the author of this terrible disease, I do believe that God is clear that we are to choose justice, especially for the most vulnerable, especially for the "least of these" and that when we fail to do so, the world is set up in such a way that the natural consequences of our inhumanity tend to be disastrous for everyone.
And then I hear that the government has now decided that their solution is further injustice: further giving of riches to the rich, further taking of resources from the most vulnerable (giving us a "loan" against our future?!), creating further gaps between the "haves" and the "have nots" and further separation of the "least of these" from the powerful. This will not solve the problem. Our mandate is clear, from a faith perspective, but also from a human perspective. We are all in this together, all of us. And when any of us suffer, all of us will be affected. We will also suffer. Until we understand this, until we recognize this, we will decline, we will struggle, and our very existence as a functional people is threatened.
My words of hope in this are that we have to change what is happening and I believe we have the power, the strength and the courage to do so. We have to say that we will no longer tolerate leadership choices that are all about making the rich richer. We will no longer put up with the "least of these" being treated as disposable, expendable, or "less than." These are our brothers and sisters, these are our family members, these are ourselves, and it is time that we started to care for them as such. In that choice, to love those others hate, to care for those others would abandon, and to insist on fair and loving treatment for those who have never been given a chance in this life - it is in that choice that our salvation lies.
My prayer is for a conversion of spirit: that those who hate have hearts turned to love, that those who do not see in their fellow humans their brother and sister would be given the eyes, the ears and the hearts to understand our connections to one another, that those who are greedy be given souls of generosity and gratitude. That is my prayer for today. Because I believe that it is, truly, only in a change of heart, that we will see and come to experience peace and wholeness.
Sunday, March 22, 2020
Psalms of Praise
Psalms of Praise
Psalm 146
Today as we continue our journey through the Psalms we come to the category of psalms known as psalms of praise. While praise is an aspect of many psalms, some psalms are all praise. Praise is at the heart of the life of the people of God both as individuals and as a worshiping community. Passages throughout the Bible express praise. Praise is a response of song, instruments, words and actions lifted up to the one who loves us eternally, who delivers us from all evil and who has created all that is. The book of psalms can be divided into five distinct books, each one ending with a doxology which is a psalm of praise. Many of the psalms of praise actually begin with the words “Praise the Lord” and some also conclude with this. Other words used to communicate praise include extol, bless, laud, glory, joyful and gladness. Psalms of praise, as with other types of psalms, follow a distinctive pattern. Psalms of praise include two main aspects. The first is that a past pain or distress of the community or person is described. This description is very different, however from the expression of pain in psalms of lament because in the lament psalms, the pain is not yet past. In the praise psalms, the pain or distress is over, resolved. The second element of psalms of praise then is a remembering of the wonderful things that God has done as creator, deliverer and sustainer.
The psalm we read for today, psalm 146, includes the word Praise five times. And we are given a detailed list of what God has done for God’s people: “God is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them—
God remains faithful forever.
God upholds the cause of the oppressed
and gives food to the hungry.
God sets prisoners free,
gives sight to the blind,
lifts up those who are bowed down,
loves the righteous.
God watches over the alien resident
and sustains the fatherless and the widow,
but frustrates the ways of the wicked.”
Once again, as throughout our scriptures, God’s focus is on the needs of the downtrodden and oppressed, those really in need of God’s love and care, which God then provides in abundance. The righteous then are those who express the same care for those in need that God expresses.
Other psalms of praise have other emphases, however. Psalm 150 emphasizes not only the reasons for praising God (as did psalm 146), but also the ways to praise God such as with trumpet, lute, harp, tambourine, dance, strings, pipe and cymbals. Everything that breathes is then supposed to return praise to God.
So maybe the bigger question as we look at the psalms of praise is why do we praise God? Why do we praise God? Does God need our praise? Does God need to be told that God is wonderful?
I don’t believe so. Instead, as with everything that God calls us to, I believe it is out of God’s love for us that we are called to praise. So maybe the better question then is, what gift comes to us from praising God?
Well, first, praising God reminds us of all the wondrous blessings that we have in having a God who is so loving and wonderful. It reminds us that God has filled our lives with gifts like the air we breathe, the food we eat, the sun, the rain, the fellowship of other people, our pets, our families, our friends, meaningful work, growing opportunities and the list goes on and on. Also, praising God reminds us that we are not alone. It reminds us that we are loved. When we are struggling, praising God can lift our hearts with hope and reminders of what God has done for us and promises to do again. The praise psalms remind us, by recalling past struggles and the life that comes after those struggles, that our pain is temporary and that God is with us in the pain and will carry us through to the other side of any death with new life. Psalms such as the one we read today, 146, remind us that God is with the oppressed, with those who are downtrodden and powerless. These psalms fill our heart with joy, with awe, with a sense that we are a small part of a huge and wondrous creation, and yet even in our smallness we are not alone and every part of our lives matters to the one who created us.
The truth is that for those of us who are connected with God, who have a relationship with God, there are times when our souls will cry out with praise. There are times when the hearts of those who listen to and for God will find themselves filled with joy, with awe, with praise. Have you ever been in the forest and been struck dumb with the beauty of the trees? Have you ever listened to a babbling brook and heard the very voice of God’s love for you? Have you ever looked at someone you love and seen the awe and wonder of the amazing individual that God has created right in front of you? Have you ever listened to a piece of music that went straight to your heart with such depth that it felt like your heart would break if you could not praise the one who ultimately made all music? The first time I looked upon each of my babies, the joy was so overwhelming that every part of my being cried out with praise.
We can’t NOT praise. There are moments in our lives when our hearts spill over with gratitude and joy. That gratitude and joy are themselves gifts from God, we cannot help in those moments BUT praise God as our hearts, our minds, our souls and even our bodies are touched with joy, with love, with awe, with wonder.
When I was a little girl, I remember going to camp (church camp – Westminster Woods, for those familiar with it). It was my first time away at camp and I was having a really terrible time. My best friend had gone with me, but she dropped me the second we arrived at camp. More than that, she was gossipy about me and unkind in such a way that the rest of my cabin was also not interested in being my friend. My counselor had a very conservative theology and was constantly threatening us with the fires of hell if we did not believe or see things the way that she wanted us to. I was alone in so many, many ways. And honestly, I just wanted to go home. But there was a night when we were all sitting by the campfire when I prayed to God for help. I prayed that God would somehow make everything okay, that I would not feel so alone and miserable. The gift I was given in that moment is probably part of the reason I’m a pastor today. God did not “fix” the problem, God did not change my friend’s heart or open others around me to consider being kind. But instead, God opened my eyes. I looked around and saw the incredible beauty of the woods in which we were camping. I saw a squirrel running up a tree and smelled the deep pine scent that surrounded us. The flames in the fire were warm and comforting, and they seemed to dance with a life and joy all their own. The music that the leaders singing was touching and beautiful. All of my senses were overwhelmed with the beauty around me, and I felt my heart soar. My heart was changed so that I could see life, love, beauty.. GOD all around me. And so, while my situation was still difficult, it was no longer unbearable. Because I saw the good. My reaction was praise: the praise of my heart – reaching to God.
During lent we are called to refocus on our spiritual disciplines. One of those necessary disciplines is centering our lives with an attitude of thanksgiving and gratitude. This is much more, however, than just allowing those moments of praise to spontaneously well up. This is calling us to be intentional about living a life of praise. The psalms of praise give us a way to do God’s blessings, to begin and end each day remembering that even in hard times God’s abundant love is poured out for us. As Daniel Geslin puts it, “Even in times of… loss …, exercising our faith can turn our grieving into gratitude. We are transformed from the grieving demand, "I want more," to the grateful response, "Thank you, God, for the gift of (what I had that is now lost)” That is one of the ways in which God opens blind eyes, sets captives free, and lifts up those who are bowed down.”
It is not just in our psalms, or our ancient songs that we find this praise. Our modern hymns are also filled with this praise. What are some of your favorite hymns? I think one that especially speaks to me is the poetry of “How can I keep from singing?”
While singing it, sometimes we don’t hear all the words, so I invite you to close your eyes and simply hear the words, the poetry of this amazing hymn:
My life goes on in endless song
Above earth's lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear it's music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing?
While though the tempest loudly roars,
I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness 'round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?
--
Another is the first 2 verses of “how great thou art”:O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works thy hands have made,
I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed;
When through the woods and forest glades I wander
and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
when I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,
and hear the brook, and feel the gentle breeze;
Refrain:
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
I invite you to welcome in the spirit of gratitude and to join us, from your homes, as we sing together, to invite in God’s spirit, to remember that our God is the God who created and creates still, the God who loves us eternally, the God who saves. Amen.
Thursday, March 19, 2020
New Times, New Challenges, New Gifts
I haven't been sleeping well. I've been worried at many different levels. My parents are in the highly vulnerable category in terms of facing the pandemic, and they don't isolate easily, which means they've been a bit late in taking what are necessary precautions. I worry about my congregation, a mostly older congregation of folk who are very active in the world, taking care of their grandchildren, serving the highly vulnerable populations in our community with food, housing, tutoring and other services. I've been worried about them healthwise, but also, frankly, about their emotional well-being. They all thrive on community, on their time with each other and out in the world. Many of them live alone, and I've been deeply concerned about their isolation during this time. I've worried about our world, how those who don't have as many resources or as easy access to help are faring. I've worried about the children at the border in cages... will they be abandoned and left to their own fate? I've been concerned about jobs, businesses, and those that survive month to month which are now having to close for a time.
More personally, I was worried about getting my daughter home from college. The restrictions were tightening both at her end and on ours, flights were being canceled, we were being told we had to stay in our houses, and I was concerned that she would be stuck at an airport somewhere without a way to get home and without anyone I knew able to help her.
I've been concerned about what I've been seeing in terms of behavior: people's panic leading them into strange behaviors, like the hoarding of resources, and the prevention of others therefore obtaining necessities. I've also been concerned with seeing extremes in behavior: collecting things like water and subsitute utilities, ignoring the basic facts of the pandemic which indicate that our utilities and water resources have not been and will not be affected in any way. While passing on false news stories and fake articles found on FB is not a new problem, in terms of the news about this virus, some of the stories that have hit my in-box have been utterly beyond belief, but passed on by well-meaning people who have simply forgotten the importance of checking things out before blindly believing and being a conduit for nonsense.
I've found myself reading about and reflecting on other pandemics, many of which were so much more wide-spread and fatal than this current one. Some of the stories I've read have been very disturbing, showing that the worse the disease, the more inhumane people are in response: to the point, in some cases, of even leaving children to suffer on their own because of the fear to one's own life. I don't understand those stories. I would rather die than see my children harmed. And if my children died and I lived? I'm not sure life would feel worth living at that point. Obviously we are not acting this way now. But it has worried me to think that our physical, spiritual and emotional health are so intertwined that when we are hit with a physical calamity, our morals can be tossed out the window in this way.
I've wondered if we aren't, at some level, preparing for a pandemic that would, in fact, also be much more deadly and rampant. The plague... black death killed between 1/3 and 1/2 the population, for example. We are learning, through this one, how to isolate, how to limit exposure and spread, and how to stay connected even while we are apart. In some ways we are doing a good job, though the grocery stores seem to still be places of mass connection.
In the midst of this, then, I feel that we are always called to look for God, or the Good, or Love, or what is greater and better than what is worrying us at the moment. So here are my visions of the good on this day:
I was able to get my daughter from the airport yesterday and she is home. I cannot say how grateful I am for this. I miss her so much that it physically hurts when she is gone. And to have her home a little early, and for a longer time than expected is a deep gift to me. Frankly, I rarely have enough time with my children when they are home, and while I am still working (and in many ways working more hours than I did before as I learn new technology and am trying to provide more than usual pastoral care for those whom I no longer see in person), being home has allowed me to at least be in the same place as them for a time. We are spending more time playing games, reading together, talking more, baking together, catching up on movies we've wanted to see. And for all of that, I am deeply grateful. As Jasmyn and I were driving home from the airport yesterday (5:45PM on a Wednesday, driving East through the Caldecott tunnel without any kind of slowing down at all!!), I was able to look around and see the beauty of these hills, of the green trees and grass during this time, to not be anxiously caught in any kind of traffic or worry about other cars taking unnecessary risks to get where they were going.
I am so much more aware of the gifts that we normally have of freedom to travel, freedom to congregate, freedom to commune with one another. These are things that are normally taken for granted by all of us. Perhaps we will be able to remember, when they return to us, what gifts they really are.
I understand that as a result of the decreased human activity, there are places where the wildlife is returning, is growing once again where it hasn't grown or been active for a while. For example, dolphins have been found in the canals in Italy!
I appreciate to a much greater degree the gifts of technology, the ways in which we can stay connected even when we are apart. This has been especially helpful for those who live alone or are in other ways much more isolated.
Every day I hear new stories of helpers, good people, living their lives out as models of love. Our medical people, with their commitments to care despite personal risk are beyond amazing. But other people, too, are stepping forward. In my own community, I cannot tell you how many people have called offering help to those who need it: running errands, driving people to appointments, and more. While my daughter and I were both kept home on our birthdays this year, parishioners came by with balloons and other gifts to drop off, cards and well wishes were sent. I am aware that while crises can bring out the worst in some people, in other people it instead brings out the best! I am getting to see the best and that is a gift indeed.
Finally, in a couple cases, I feel that people are more aware of their mortality now and are working harder to reconcile, make amends, "get their houses in order". This too is an amazing gift. No matter what happens during this crisis, taking time to fix relationships, to heal problems, to reevaluate what matters to each of us and to reprioritize - this is an amazing gift that can make all of our lives, for no matter how long we have them to live, fuller, healthier, more whole, centered, and peace-filled.
I will continue to pray for my communities and for the world. I will, undoubtedly, continue to worry, too. But I also am grateful during this time, for the gifts that come despite, and sometimes because of, changing situations and even crises. Peace to you all this day and every day. I am grateful for each of you! Please don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it or to reach out. We are here for you.
More personally, I was worried about getting my daughter home from college. The restrictions were tightening both at her end and on ours, flights were being canceled, we were being told we had to stay in our houses, and I was concerned that she would be stuck at an airport somewhere without a way to get home and without anyone I knew able to help her.
I've been concerned about what I've been seeing in terms of behavior: people's panic leading them into strange behaviors, like the hoarding of resources, and the prevention of others therefore obtaining necessities. I've also been concerned with seeing extremes in behavior: collecting things like water and subsitute utilities, ignoring the basic facts of the pandemic which indicate that our utilities and water resources have not been and will not be affected in any way. While passing on false news stories and fake articles found on FB is not a new problem, in terms of the news about this virus, some of the stories that have hit my in-box have been utterly beyond belief, but passed on by well-meaning people who have simply forgotten the importance of checking things out before blindly believing and being a conduit for nonsense.
I've found myself reading about and reflecting on other pandemics, many of which were so much more wide-spread and fatal than this current one. Some of the stories I've read have been very disturbing, showing that the worse the disease, the more inhumane people are in response: to the point, in some cases, of even leaving children to suffer on their own because of the fear to one's own life. I don't understand those stories. I would rather die than see my children harmed. And if my children died and I lived? I'm not sure life would feel worth living at that point. Obviously we are not acting this way now. But it has worried me to think that our physical, spiritual and emotional health are so intertwined that when we are hit with a physical calamity, our morals can be tossed out the window in this way.
I've wondered if we aren't, at some level, preparing for a pandemic that would, in fact, also be much more deadly and rampant. The plague... black death killed between 1/3 and 1/2 the population, for example. We are learning, through this one, how to isolate, how to limit exposure and spread, and how to stay connected even while we are apart. In some ways we are doing a good job, though the grocery stores seem to still be places of mass connection.
In the midst of this, then, I feel that we are always called to look for God, or the Good, or Love, or what is greater and better than what is worrying us at the moment. So here are my visions of the good on this day:
I was able to get my daughter from the airport yesterday and she is home. I cannot say how grateful I am for this. I miss her so much that it physically hurts when she is gone. And to have her home a little early, and for a longer time than expected is a deep gift to me. Frankly, I rarely have enough time with my children when they are home, and while I am still working (and in many ways working more hours than I did before as I learn new technology and am trying to provide more than usual pastoral care for those whom I no longer see in person), being home has allowed me to at least be in the same place as them for a time. We are spending more time playing games, reading together, talking more, baking together, catching up on movies we've wanted to see. And for all of that, I am deeply grateful. As Jasmyn and I were driving home from the airport yesterday (5:45PM on a Wednesday, driving East through the Caldecott tunnel without any kind of slowing down at all!!), I was able to look around and see the beauty of these hills, of the green trees and grass during this time, to not be anxiously caught in any kind of traffic or worry about other cars taking unnecessary risks to get where they were going.
I am so much more aware of the gifts that we normally have of freedom to travel, freedom to congregate, freedom to commune with one another. These are things that are normally taken for granted by all of us. Perhaps we will be able to remember, when they return to us, what gifts they really are.
I understand that as a result of the decreased human activity, there are places where the wildlife is returning, is growing once again where it hasn't grown or been active for a while. For example, dolphins have been found in the canals in Italy!
I appreciate to a much greater degree the gifts of technology, the ways in which we can stay connected even when we are apart. This has been especially helpful for those who live alone or are in other ways much more isolated.
Every day I hear new stories of helpers, good people, living their lives out as models of love. Our medical people, with their commitments to care despite personal risk are beyond amazing. But other people, too, are stepping forward. In my own community, I cannot tell you how many people have called offering help to those who need it: running errands, driving people to appointments, and more. While my daughter and I were both kept home on our birthdays this year, parishioners came by with balloons and other gifts to drop off, cards and well wishes were sent. I am aware that while crises can bring out the worst in some people, in other people it instead brings out the best! I am getting to see the best and that is a gift indeed.
Finally, in a couple cases, I feel that people are more aware of their mortality now and are working harder to reconcile, make amends, "get their houses in order". This too is an amazing gift. No matter what happens during this crisis, taking time to fix relationships, to heal problems, to reevaluate what matters to each of us and to reprioritize - this is an amazing gift that can make all of our lives, for no matter how long we have them to live, fuller, healthier, more whole, centered, and peace-filled.
I will continue to pray for my communities and for the world. I will, undoubtedly, continue to worry, too. But I also am grateful during this time, for the gifts that come despite, and sometimes because of, changing situations and even crises. Peace to you all this day and every day. I am grateful for each of you! Please don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it or to reach out. We are here for you.
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
Psalms of Lament
Psalm 51
Today is our third Sunday of looking at the psalms and today we were supposed to be looking at the psalms of lament. That being said, I woke up this morning feeling the need to talk more about what is happening in our world today. The Hebrew word that we translate “lament” literally means “Howl” or “wail”. A lament, then, is a crying out, and it formed a ritualized way of dealing with grief, with loss, with pain. Somehow that feels appropriate given what is happening in our world. Lament psalms could be very personal, such as today’s psalm. But other laments were corporate. And I think that today, as we face this pandemic and the crisis that has turned all of our lives over, at least for a time, we are in need of a way of expressing our corporate lament.
These laments, these spoken rituals of mourning were so important and so central in practice for the Israelites that there are more laments than any other type of psalm. Again, there are more laments than ANY other type of psalm. While there are approximately ten different categories of psalms, laments comprise more than a third of the psalms that we have in our Bible. Last week I mentioned that trust was the single most dominant theme within the psalms and trust is expressed in all of our psalms, including the lament psalms. When we think about it, we can recognize that it takes a great deal of trust in God’s grace, God’s mercy, and especially, God’s deep and abiding love for us to be able to complain to God. We would not dare to complain to a tyrant. But because we trust that God hears us, that God loves us and that God will respond to our laments, that trust gives us permission to express our pain and petitions for God’s care in the midst of that pain. Laments are expressed many other places in scripture as well – the book of lamentations consists of five poems mourning the loss of the temple and Jerusalem. Jesus offers laments, and not only the one from the cross when he quotes psalm 22 with “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me”. For example, in Luke 13: 34-35 when Jesus says, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. 35 Look, your house is left to you desolate. I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’” he is expressing lament.
Psalms of lament follow a prescribed format. That format is:
Incantation – or calling on God
Expressions of Complaint
Expression of trust
Petitions asking God for specific things
and
Praise of God.
The corporate psalms of lament also add an aspect of remembering God’s past actions. Each lament may have each of these components in different quantities, however. For example, psalm 22, the psalm of lament that is perhaps the most well known because Jesus begins to quote it when he says on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” – this psalm is mostly complaints and praise, while psalm 51,which we heard today, is mostly petition.
Psalms of lament truly let all feelings be expressed before God. And while I think at a cognitive level, all of us understand that we can express anything to God, and that, in fact, nothing should be withheld from God, still, there are aspects of psalms of lament that are challenging, I believe, for all of us. The first is doubt or accusation against God. It can feel disrespectful to us to hear phrases such as “How long, O Lord? Will you be angry forever?” “How long will your wrath burn like fire?” “How long shall the wicked exult?” “Rouse yourself! Why do you sleep O God?” And even the well known, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Does that feel disrespectful to you? It would be understandable if it did. But again, I cannot emphasize enough that our ability to express our deepest pain, anger and other feelings are in fact deep expressions of our trust in God. We trust that God will hear us, will respond, that is the context of these expressions of complaint.
The second aspect of our psalms that are difficult for us to hear are the many expressions in the psalms of vengeance, anger, and violence. Phrases such as “God will punish you with a warrior’s sharp arrows, with burning coals of the broom bush.” (120), “They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—to the Lord, but he did not answer. I beat them as fine as windblown dust; I trampled them like mud in the streets.” (18), “The Lord will swallow them up in his wrath, and fire will consume them. You will destroy their offspring from the earth, and their children from among humankind.” (21), “O God, break the teeth in their mouths; tear out the fangs of the young lions, O Lord! 7 Let them vanish like water that runs away; like grass let them be trodden down and wither. Let them be like the snail that dissolves into slime; like the untimely birth that never sees the sun.”(58), and perhaps the hardest to hear - “Happy is the one who seizes your infants, and dashes them against the rocks.” (137)
We are uneasy with these phrases for very good reasons. Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:44, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” And he says in Luke 6:27, “But I say to you that listen, love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.” In the context of Jesus’ words of love and compassion, and his call to us to enact only love and compassion, we find the judgments, violence, anger and deep desire for vengeance to be unChristian at least! W.H. Bellinger writes this, “The laments amazing candor is sometimes shocking to the reader, but it is crucial to the honest dialogue of faith. The psalms do not bear witness to prayer ‘as it ought to be’ but to brutally honest prayer from the depths of life. An honest faith acknowledges life’s realities. In the Psalms, no part of life is ever beyond dialogue with God….the psalms that seek vengeance call God to the divine task of justice and take the desire for vengeance to the Lord who can act upon it.” Additionally, it is not necessary that we read these words as our own prayers, though there are no doubt times when we might feel that angry, or that hurt. And these words give us permission, encouragement even, to be honest with God about our feelings. Does that mean we are given permission to harbor resentments? To plan vengeance? To dwell in anger? To act out violence? No. We are still called to love, even our enemies. But sometimes the expression of these feelings to God allows us to release them from our own souls. God knows what we feel and God is a safe being, a loving being to whom we can express even the “unacceptable” feelings. There is relief in knowing that we have a God with whom we can be completely open and honest.
Bob sent me an article from the New York Times this week that was talking about the terrible way humans have behaved when pandemics have happened before. It went into great detail about the horrible ways we have behaved when we were scared or in fear of diseases killing us. In the past when there have been pandemics, people have even forsaken their children, all children, in their terror and fear and desire to stay safe themselves. Children were left to die, often to starve, by parents trying to get away. I would hope that we have progressed enough as people that we would never, ever, do this to our children. But then I see that we cage children at the border, and I realize that this is not so. Those who live in a state of fear tend to behave badly. They tend to focus on themselves and their needs above everyone else’s. You know that this is NOT what we are called to do. You know this. So to me, while this article talks about a moral disease accompanying a physical one, I would say this is a spiritual disease that is accompanying a physical one. We are called to love, no matter what the threat is to our own lives. We are called to be willing to walk the path towards the cross, towards death even, in the service of that love.
Psalms of Lament invite us to express our fear, our pain, our anger, to God so that we may release it and not allow it to control us. This would be a good time for you to write one of your own. And I would strongly encourage you to do that. Don’t let your fear control you. Don’t let it turn you away from God, from light, and most especially from Love. THAT is the bottom line. The expressions to God of all of our feelings allow us to release them. We hand over our anger and our fear to God, literally through our words and our expressions, through our laments – and that allows us to behave better. To not act on those feelings, but instead to live into our calls to love, no matter what else is going on.
In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter was expressing extreme pain over the death of someone he had deeply loved. The wise Dumbledore recognized the great value in simply allowing Harry to express those feelings. I want to read you a part of the book: (p. 823):
“I know how you are feeling, Harry,” said Dumbledore very quietly.
“No, you don’t,” said Harry, and his voice was suddenly loud and strong. White-hot anger leapt inside him. Dumbledore knew nothing about his feelings….
…
“There is no shame in what you are feeling, Harry,” said Dumbledore’s voice. “On the contrary…the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.”
Harry felt the white-hot anger lick his insides, blazing in the terrible emptiness, filling him with the desire to hurt Dumbledore for his calmness and his empty words.
“My greatest strength, is it?” said Harry, his voice shaking as he stared out at the Quidditch stadium, no longer seeing it. “You haven’t got a clue…You don’t know…”
“What don’t I know?” asked Dumbledore calmly.
It was too much. Harry turned around, shaking with rage.
“I don’t want to talk about how I feel, all right?”
“Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human –”
“THEN – I – DON’T – WANT – TO – BE- HUMAN!” Harry roared, and he seized one of the delicate silver instruments form the spindle-legged table beside him and flung it across the room. It shattered into a hundred tiny pieces against the wall.
…
“I DON’T CARE!” Harry yelled … snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE - ”
He seized the table on which the silver instrument had stood and threw that too. It broke apart on the floor and the legs rolled in different directions.
“You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”
That pain, that deep, bleeding anger, rage, sense of wanting justice and revenge – these are the feelings that psalms of lament express and allow us to express in our own words as well. Harry did not want to talk through his feelings, so instead he was acting them out, throwing things around the room, destroying things. When we keep our fears and our pain bottled up, it has a tendency to come out anyway in our actions. Expressing those feelings to God allows us to choose to behave differently.
In Mitch Albom’s book, “have a little faith” (p 81-82), the Rabbi, too, expressed the gift in this ability to express and share those feelings. He said,
“I had a doctor once who was an atheist. Did I ever tell you about him?”
No.
“This doctor, he liked to jab at me and my beliefs. He used to schedule my appointments deliberately on Saturdays, so I would have to call the receptionist and explain why, because of my religion, that wouldn’t work.”
Nice guy, I said.
“Anyhow, one day, I read in the paper that his brother had died. So I made a condolence call.”
After the way he treated you?
“In this job,” the Reb said, “you don’t retaliate….So I go to his house and he sees me. I can tell he is upset. I tell him I am sorry for his loss. And he says, with an angry face, ‘I envy you.’
“ “Why do you envy me?’ I said.
“ ‘Because when you lose someone you love, you can curse God. You can yell. You can blame him. You can demand to know why. But I don’t believe in God. I’m a doctor and I couldn’t help my brother!”
“He was near tears. ‘Who do I blame?’ he kept asking me. ‘I don’t believe in God, so I can only blame myself.’
The Reb’s face tightened, “That,” he said softly, “is a terrible self-indictment.”
Worse than an unanswered prayer?
“Oh yes. It is far more comforting to think God listened and said no, than to think that nobody’s out there.”
Because of our understanding of what it means to be respectful towards God, because of our recognition that we are called towards love and compassion, we can struggle at times with the expression of lament. But when we don’t express those feelings, they can eat us alive.
Sometimes we find it easier to express our pain to other people, and that is okay, too. But again, I encourage us also to come to God with all of those feelings. God already knows them anyway, and God wants us, calls us, to take the time, take the risk of sharing them consciously with God. Towards that end, I am going to have us end today by offering up psalm 6, another prayer of lament, together. And I encourage you again to feel the feelings that are expressed, to allow them to touch you personally in whatever way the words speak to you. Let us pray together:
Today is our third Sunday of looking at the psalms and today we were supposed to be looking at the psalms of lament. That being said, I woke up this morning feeling the need to talk more about what is happening in our world today. The Hebrew word that we translate “lament” literally means “Howl” or “wail”. A lament, then, is a crying out, and it formed a ritualized way of dealing with grief, with loss, with pain. Somehow that feels appropriate given what is happening in our world. Lament psalms could be very personal, such as today’s psalm. But other laments were corporate. And I think that today, as we face this pandemic and the crisis that has turned all of our lives over, at least for a time, we are in need of a way of expressing our corporate lament.
These laments, these spoken rituals of mourning were so important and so central in practice for the Israelites that there are more laments than any other type of psalm. Again, there are more laments than ANY other type of psalm. While there are approximately ten different categories of psalms, laments comprise more than a third of the psalms that we have in our Bible. Last week I mentioned that trust was the single most dominant theme within the psalms and trust is expressed in all of our psalms, including the lament psalms. When we think about it, we can recognize that it takes a great deal of trust in God’s grace, God’s mercy, and especially, God’s deep and abiding love for us to be able to complain to God. We would not dare to complain to a tyrant. But because we trust that God hears us, that God loves us and that God will respond to our laments, that trust gives us permission to express our pain and petitions for God’s care in the midst of that pain. Laments are expressed many other places in scripture as well – the book of lamentations consists of five poems mourning the loss of the temple and Jerusalem. Jesus offers laments, and not only the one from the cross when he quotes psalm 22 with “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me”. For example, in Luke 13: 34-35 when Jesus says, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. 35 Look, your house is left to you desolate. I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’” he is expressing lament.
Psalms of lament follow a prescribed format. That format is:
Incantation – or calling on God
Expressions of Complaint
Expression of trust
Petitions asking God for specific things
and
Praise of God.
The corporate psalms of lament also add an aspect of remembering God’s past actions. Each lament may have each of these components in different quantities, however. For example, psalm 22, the psalm of lament that is perhaps the most well known because Jesus begins to quote it when he says on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” – this psalm is mostly complaints and praise, while psalm 51,which we heard today, is mostly petition.
Psalms of lament truly let all feelings be expressed before God. And while I think at a cognitive level, all of us understand that we can express anything to God, and that, in fact, nothing should be withheld from God, still, there are aspects of psalms of lament that are challenging, I believe, for all of us. The first is doubt or accusation against God. It can feel disrespectful to us to hear phrases such as “How long, O Lord? Will you be angry forever?” “How long will your wrath burn like fire?” “How long shall the wicked exult?” “Rouse yourself! Why do you sleep O God?” And even the well known, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Does that feel disrespectful to you? It would be understandable if it did. But again, I cannot emphasize enough that our ability to express our deepest pain, anger and other feelings are in fact deep expressions of our trust in God. We trust that God will hear us, will respond, that is the context of these expressions of complaint.
The second aspect of our psalms that are difficult for us to hear are the many expressions in the psalms of vengeance, anger, and violence. Phrases such as “God will punish you with a warrior’s sharp arrows, with burning coals of the broom bush.” (120), “They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—to the Lord, but he did not answer. I beat them as fine as windblown dust; I trampled them like mud in the streets.” (18), “The Lord will swallow them up in his wrath, and fire will consume them. You will destroy their offspring from the earth, and their children from among humankind.” (21), “O God, break the teeth in their mouths; tear out the fangs of the young lions, O Lord! 7 Let them vanish like water that runs away; like grass let them be trodden down and wither. Let them be like the snail that dissolves into slime; like the untimely birth that never sees the sun.”(58), and perhaps the hardest to hear - “Happy is the one who seizes your infants, and dashes them against the rocks.” (137)
We are uneasy with these phrases for very good reasons. Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:44, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” And he says in Luke 6:27, “But I say to you that listen, love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.” In the context of Jesus’ words of love and compassion, and his call to us to enact only love and compassion, we find the judgments, violence, anger and deep desire for vengeance to be unChristian at least! W.H. Bellinger writes this, “The laments amazing candor is sometimes shocking to the reader, but it is crucial to the honest dialogue of faith. The psalms do not bear witness to prayer ‘as it ought to be’ but to brutally honest prayer from the depths of life. An honest faith acknowledges life’s realities. In the Psalms, no part of life is ever beyond dialogue with God….the psalms that seek vengeance call God to the divine task of justice and take the desire for vengeance to the Lord who can act upon it.” Additionally, it is not necessary that we read these words as our own prayers, though there are no doubt times when we might feel that angry, or that hurt. And these words give us permission, encouragement even, to be honest with God about our feelings. Does that mean we are given permission to harbor resentments? To plan vengeance? To dwell in anger? To act out violence? No. We are still called to love, even our enemies. But sometimes the expression of these feelings to God allows us to release them from our own souls. God knows what we feel and God is a safe being, a loving being to whom we can express even the “unacceptable” feelings. There is relief in knowing that we have a God with whom we can be completely open and honest.
Bob sent me an article from the New York Times this week that was talking about the terrible way humans have behaved when pandemics have happened before. It went into great detail about the horrible ways we have behaved when we were scared or in fear of diseases killing us. In the past when there have been pandemics, people have even forsaken their children, all children, in their terror and fear and desire to stay safe themselves. Children were left to die, often to starve, by parents trying to get away. I would hope that we have progressed enough as people that we would never, ever, do this to our children. But then I see that we cage children at the border, and I realize that this is not so. Those who live in a state of fear tend to behave badly. They tend to focus on themselves and their needs above everyone else’s. You know that this is NOT what we are called to do. You know this. So to me, while this article talks about a moral disease accompanying a physical one, I would say this is a spiritual disease that is accompanying a physical one. We are called to love, no matter what the threat is to our own lives. We are called to be willing to walk the path towards the cross, towards death even, in the service of that love.
Psalms of Lament invite us to express our fear, our pain, our anger, to God so that we may release it and not allow it to control us. This would be a good time for you to write one of your own. And I would strongly encourage you to do that. Don’t let your fear control you. Don’t let it turn you away from God, from light, and most especially from Love. THAT is the bottom line. The expressions to God of all of our feelings allow us to release them. We hand over our anger and our fear to God, literally through our words and our expressions, through our laments – and that allows us to behave better. To not act on those feelings, but instead to live into our calls to love, no matter what else is going on.
In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter was expressing extreme pain over the death of someone he had deeply loved. The wise Dumbledore recognized the great value in simply allowing Harry to express those feelings. I want to read you a part of the book: (p. 823):
“I know how you are feeling, Harry,” said Dumbledore very quietly.
“No, you don’t,” said Harry, and his voice was suddenly loud and strong. White-hot anger leapt inside him. Dumbledore knew nothing about his feelings….
…
“There is no shame in what you are feeling, Harry,” said Dumbledore’s voice. “On the contrary…the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.”
Harry felt the white-hot anger lick his insides, blazing in the terrible emptiness, filling him with the desire to hurt Dumbledore for his calmness and his empty words.
“My greatest strength, is it?” said Harry, his voice shaking as he stared out at the Quidditch stadium, no longer seeing it. “You haven’t got a clue…You don’t know…”
“What don’t I know?” asked Dumbledore calmly.
It was too much. Harry turned around, shaking with rage.
“I don’t want to talk about how I feel, all right?”
“Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human –”
“THEN – I – DON’T – WANT – TO – BE- HUMAN!” Harry roared, and he seized one of the delicate silver instruments form the spindle-legged table beside him and flung it across the room. It shattered into a hundred tiny pieces against the wall.
…
“I DON’T CARE!” Harry yelled … snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE - ”
He seized the table on which the silver instrument had stood and threw that too. It broke apart on the floor and the legs rolled in different directions.
“You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”
That pain, that deep, bleeding anger, rage, sense of wanting justice and revenge – these are the feelings that psalms of lament express and allow us to express in our own words as well. Harry did not want to talk through his feelings, so instead he was acting them out, throwing things around the room, destroying things. When we keep our fears and our pain bottled up, it has a tendency to come out anyway in our actions. Expressing those feelings to God allows us to choose to behave differently.
In Mitch Albom’s book, “have a little faith” (p 81-82), the Rabbi, too, expressed the gift in this ability to express and share those feelings. He said,
“I had a doctor once who was an atheist. Did I ever tell you about him?”
No.
“This doctor, he liked to jab at me and my beliefs. He used to schedule my appointments deliberately on Saturdays, so I would have to call the receptionist and explain why, because of my religion, that wouldn’t work.”
Nice guy, I said.
“Anyhow, one day, I read in the paper that his brother had died. So I made a condolence call.”
After the way he treated you?
“In this job,” the Reb said, “you don’t retaliate….So I go to his house and he sees me. I can tell he is upset. I tell him I am sorry for his loss. And he says, with an angry face, ‘I envy you.’
“ “Why do you envy me?’ I said.
“ ‘Because when you lose someone you love, you can curse God. You can yell. You can blame him. You can demand to know why. But I don’t believe in God. I’m a doctor and I couldn’t help my brother!”
“He was near tears. ‘Who do I blame?’ he kept asking me. ‘I don’t believe in God, so I can only blame myself.’
The Reb’s face tightened, “That,” he said softly, “is a terrible self-indictment.”
Worse than an unanswered prayer?
“Oh yes. It is far more comforting to think God listened and said no, than to think that nobody’s out there.”
Because of our understanding of what it means to be respectful towards God, because of our recognition that we are called towards love and compassion, we can struggle at times with the expression of lament. But when we don’t express those feelings, they can eat us alive.
Sometimes we find it easier to express our pain to other people, and that is okay, too. But again, I encourage us also to come to God with all of those feelings. God already knows them anyway, and God wants us, calls us, to take the time, take the risk of sharing them consciously with God. Towards that end, I am going to have us end today by offering up psalm 6, another prayer of lament, together. And I encourage you again to feel the feelings that are expressed, to allow them to touch you personally in whatever way the words speak to you. Let us pray together:
Psalm 6:1-10 (NRSV)
1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger, or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am languishing; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are shaking with terror.
3 My soul also is struck with terror, while you, O LORD—how long?
4 Turn, O LORD, save my life; deliver me for the sake of your steadfast love.
5 For in death there is no remembrance of you; in Sheol who can give you praise?
6 I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping.
7 My eyes waste away because of grief; they grow weak because of all my foes.
8 Depart from me, all you workers of evil, for the LORD has heard the sound of my weeping.
9 The LORD has heard my supplication; the LORD accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies shall be ashamed and struck with terror; they shall turn back, and in a moment be put to shame.
1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger, or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am languishing; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are shaking with terror.
3 My soul also is struck with terror, while you, O LORD—how long?
4 Turn, O LORD, save my life; deliver me for the sake of your steadfast love.
5 For in death there is no remembrance of you; in Sheol who can give you praise?
6 I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping.
7 My eyes waste away because of grief; they grow weak because of all my foes.
8 Depart from me, all you workers of evil, for the LORD has heard the sound of my weeping.
9 The LORD has heard my supplication; the LORD accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies shall be ashamed and struck with terror; they shall turn back, and in a moment be put to shame.
In expressing these feelings we can trust absolutely that God
cares, that God hears, that God invites us forward into new life, healing from
our griefs and stepping forward into tomorrow with God at our side. Amen.
Thursday, March 12, 2020
The Craziness of Stressed People
The last five days I have been the constant victim of what has felt like emotional hit-and-runs. People who are usually very nice have, one after another, returned to the "pastor as punching bag" mentality: saying nasty things, dropping little bombs and then running away. Perhaps they didn't all mean it in this way. But that is certainly how it has felt. And I admit, after five days of this, I hit my wall and just had to come home and regroup. And while I don't like being the punching bag, while I don't think it helps or serves anyone to aim one's pain out at another person and attack them, at the same time, I'm aware that all of this, both the comments and the way in which I have felt them, is simply a reflection of the huge amount of stress that we are all experiencing at this point in time.
Regardless of what one feels or believes about the current reaction to this particular situation, when the world goes into crisis mode and daily life is affected by the decisions made in order to deal with the crisis, all of us experience stress, to one degree or another. For some that stress is pure fear, moving them into a survival mode way of being, where they are stocking up on toilet paper and hand sanitizers. For people like me, the stress has more to do with the added work of addressing the recommendations of closing my place of business (the church), and trying to fly my daughter home from her college since it is being closed for the school year. It has to do with making decisions based on partial knowledge about what is best for my communities of people - my congregation and my family.
People are stressed. And they are acting that out in a variety of ways. One of those ways is rage: and that rage finds easy targets in the people who represent some kind of authority. Regardless of how big or small our actual authority is, the people around us want those of us in those positions to fix this, to remove the stress, the fear, the pain. They know that we can't, though, so instead, they turn their fear and anxiety into criticisms.
I understand this. My mind, my body, my heart - I understand this at a very deep level. I, too, want the stress to just go away. I want life to return to "normal." But I can't make that happen. So I live with the situation as it is now, but as I walk this daily path of challenge and increased anxiety, I am finding some things that are helpful as I, too, strive to not allow my anxiety to turn into an anger or edginess that will harm those near me.
For me, the first thing that helps is exercise: for me there are two forms of exercise that especially help. The first is walking - getting out, breathing the clean air of the trees and parks and forests. The second is dancing. And while this is normally seen as a social activity, turning on music in the house and dancing around seems to work pretty well all in itself. The second is contact with other people. And while that is limited right now because of the particular stressors we are experiencing, the gift of the phone and the internet is that even when we are apart, we can connect with one another. For me, writing, praying, journaling is extremely helpful. Laughter and singing are always healing and helpful exercises, so finding funny things on the internet, choosing to see the humor in life, looking for, seeking out and practicing joy - all of these are very helpful. Meditation is always healing and centering. And finally, taking the time to be grateful, to write down the good things which fill our lives even in this challenging and difficult time can remind us of why we have so much more to celebrate than to fear.
In this country we move very easily from fear and anxiety into rage. But rage usually finds targets in those around us: people we love, people we value. Maybe your rage is targeting people you don't value as much, but it behooves us to remember that those people are also people, just the same. And that just as kindness is contagious, anger can be too: we don't want to start that ball rolling. So my final suggestion to all of us during this time is that we take the time to breathe. Breathe in the air that has kept you going each and every moment. Breathe and remember that each breathe is not guaranteed: that these are gifts for which we can be thankful. Breathe before you speak. Breathe before you act. Breathe before you forget that we are all in this together and that kindness, once again, is the only way to get through this whole. Breathe. And then walk into the day with courage, hope, faith, and most especially love for each other, for yourselves, and for this beautiful crazy world that has brought us into being, and will bring each of us out as well. We never know when. We never know how. But we have today. Breathe in it, and go into the world reflecting the grace that has given you this day.
Regardless of what one feels or believes about the current reaction to this particular situation, when the world goes into crisis mode and daily life is affected by the decisions made in order to deal with the crisis, all of us experience stress, to one degree or another. For some that stress is pure fear, moving them into a survival mode way of being, where they are stocking up on toilet paper and hand sanitizers. For people like me, the stress has more to do with the added work of addressing the recommendations of closing my place of business (the church), and trying to fly my daughter home from her college since it is being closed for the school year. It has to do with making decisions based on partial knowledge about what is best for my communities of people - my congregation and my family.
People are stressed. And they are acting that out in a variety of ways. One of those ways is rage: and that rage finds easy targets in the people who represent some kind of authority. Regardless of how big or small our actual authority is, the people around us want those of us in those positions to fix this, to remove the stress, the fear, the pain. They know that we can't, though, so instead, they turn their fear and anxiety into criticisms.
I understand this. My mind, my body, my heart - I understand this at a very deep level. I, too, want the stress to just go away. I want life to return to "normal." But I can't make that happen. So I live with the situation as it is now, but as I walk this daily path of challenge and increased anxiety, I am finding some things that are helpful as I, too, strive to not allow my anxiety to turn into an anger or edginess that will harm those near me.
For me, the first thing that helps is exercise: for me there are two forms of exercise that especially help. The first is walking - getting out, breathing the clean air of the trees and parks and forests. The second is dancing. And while this is normally seen as a social activity, turning on music in the house and dancing around seems to work pretty well all in itself. The second is contact with other people. And while that is limited right now because of the particular stressors we are experiencing, the gift of the phone and the internet is that even when we are apart, we can connect with one another. For me, writing, praying, journaling is extremely helpful. Laughter and singing are always healing and helpful exercises, so finding funny things on the internet, choosing to see the humor in life, looking for, seeking out and practicing joy - all of these are very helpful. Meditation is always healing and centering. And finally, taking the time to be grateful, to write down the good things which fill our lives even in this challenging and difficult time can remind us of why we have so much more to celebrate than to fear.
In this country we move very easily from fear and anxiety into rage. But rage usually finds targets in those around us: people we love, people we value. Maybe your rage is targeting people you don't value as much, but it behooves us to remember that those people are also people, just the same. And that just as kindness is contagious, anger can be too: we don't want to start that ball rolling. So my final suggestion to all of us during this time is that we take the time to breathe. Breathe in the air that has kept you going each and every moment. Breathe and remember that each breathe is not guaranteed: that these are gifts for which we can be thankful. Breathe before you speak. Breathe before you act. Breathe before you forget that we are all in this together and that kindness, once again, is the only way to get through this whole. Breathe. And then walk into the day with courage, hope, faith, and most especially love for each other, for yourselves, and for this beautiful crazy world that has brought us into being, and will bring each of us out as well. We never know when. We never know how. But we have today. Breathe in it, and go into the world reflecting the grace that has given you this day.
Wednesday, March 11, 2020
Psalms of Trust
Psalm 23
Last week we began our study of the
psalms by looking at psalms of salvation history. Today we continue our study of the psalms by
looking at psalms of trust. Some
theologians do not consider there to be psalms specifically of trust, because psalms
of trust tend to have other qualities as well that might make them more easily
categorized into other genres. Additionally,
every psalm indicates some kind of trust in God. Trust in God is the single dominant theme of
the entire book of psalms, and truly of the entire Bible. Even when there are laments or words of doubt
in a psalm, the fact that the psalmist is talking to and about God indicates
some level of trust. Still, some psalms
express trust more than others. They
express trust that God is the one who defends, protects, saves and provides
refuge. While lament (the type of psalm
we will look at next week) is a temporary state within the psalms, trust is
ongoing and permanent. While we generally
understand scripture as speaking to us about God, psalms of trust (as with all
psalms) are prayers as well – our words back up to God. The ones that are most powerful use beautiful
metaphors such as a mother holding her child, a tent, a fortress, a rock, an
eagle, a shepherd. These psalms of trust
bring comfort, even when we are in despair and pain because they remind us that
beyond the sorrow we will always return to the God whom we can trust, who
saves, helps, loves, shelters, guides and holds us. And while we will go through difficult times,
psalms of trust remind us that even in those hard times God is with us and God
is ultimately powerful as well as compassionate. Additionally, while nothing else can be fully
trusted, not wealth, not health, not idols, not even the people we love, God
can be relied upon to stay with us, to care for us. God is the one we must depend on because
there is nothing else on which we can completely depend.
Psalm 23, a psalm of trust, is
undoubtedly the most loved, most repeated, most often translated and
interpreted psalm that we have. It
speaks deeply to our hearts, not only because of the beauty of its words, the
deep trust in God that it expresses, and the comfort that it offers, but also
because, in being the most familiar psalm, it recalls memories for each of us,
it brings connections for each of us to other times, other people, other
experiences. It once again, as with the
history psalms, connects us with tradition, with history, with other people of
faith throughout our Christian (and frankly Jewish and Muslim) traditions. At the same time, because it is so familiar,
it can be hard to really hear it, or to hear the new word that God has for you
today within the psalm.
So there are some things I’d like to
share with you about Psalm 23 and then we will engage in an exercise together
concerning the psalm.
There are two primary metaphors in
this psalm. The first is God as shepherd,
caring for all of us as sheep; the other is God as host, preparing a table for
us, anointing our heads with oil, filling our cups to overflowing. Bernard Anderson puts it this way, “According
to the Bedouin law of hospitality, once a traveler is received into the
shepherd’s tent, and especially once his host has spread food before him, he is
guaranteed immunity from enemies who may be attempting to overtake him. … so
the psalmist expresses trust in the good Shepherd by saying that in Yahweh’s
tent one finds a protecting and gracious welcome. This divine hospitality is not just a
temporary reprieve but a limitless protection from the powers that threaten
one’s existence.”
According to theologian Jeff
Paschal, we are invited then to imagine entering a room filled with our
enemies. In that place, God says to us, "Right this way. I have prepared a
banquet table for you. Please be seated." So we take a seat and begin to
eat the feast God has prepared—and we eat right in front of our enemies.
If that is not enough, then God anoints our head with oil and fills our cup
until it overflows, showering us with honor, with respect, with love …Then the
psalm ends. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my
life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long". The
Hebrew here may be translated, "Surely goodness and kindness shall dog me
all my life." Imagine that. Every moment of life God is pursuing us, hounding
us with goodness and kindness. What kind of God is this? The psalmist
says
this God is our shepherd, who fulfills our needs, causes us to rest and be
restored, leads us in the right way of living, protects us from evil, honors
and blesses us, and never stops pursuing us with goodness and kindness.
It can be very hard to hear, in our consumer society, that
God will provide our every need.
Especially when we are told repeatedly that we have “needs” for things that
aren’t actually needs. We don’t actually
need the nicest, most beautiful car on the lot or a 3000 square foot home. We don’t need to eat out at nice restaurants
or pay expensive hair stylists. Those
are wants. Some have taken the psalm to
mean that God will just provide the bare minimum –again, simply those things
that really are needs. But that, too, is
not the image that is given to us. We
are given an image of an overflowing cup.
We are given an image of God’s grace in extreme abundance. Still, that overflowing cup is not usually
about giving us more and more material stuff, but riches of a different and
much deeper kind. God will provide us
with overflowing care, overflowing love, overflowing gratitude for the
blessings that surround us in every moment.
God will bring us joy - true joy, and hope and love and faith.
Sometimes we take these for granted, we fail to remember how
blessed we are in each moment and by each breath we take. Sometimes our vision focuses so much more on
the things with which we struggle, the challenges in our lives that we simply
can’t see, easily forget, or take for granted such as God’s presence and God’s
care in every moment. I think about my
own life. I think about the many, many
challenges that have occurred to me through that life. You know of many of those challenges. But now, each time I am faced with extreme
difficulties I am aware that I have a choice each time as I walk through
whatever is occurring in my life. I can
choose to focus on the tragedy or I can look at the incredible blessings of
fellowship, of care for myself and my children, the resources I’ve always had to
get through the time emotionally, financially, mentally; my health. As I’ve mentioned once more, there was a time
when we were in the process of buying a new home when the buyer of our original
home pulled out. We could not sell our
house for six months and had to pay double mortgages on two homes in the San
Francisco Bay Area, until all of our savings were gone. But the truth is that we had the savings to
get us through. We managed to sell our
house before we had to go into debt.
Yes, we spent all our savings, but we always had enough, and once that
time was over, we could begin to save again.
Other times were difficult, but I came through them with increased compassion,
with a deeper understanding of the choices I want to make in my life, with a strength to endure and a strong
commitment to be the person I choose to be, not the person who is simply
reactive to life, but a person who chooses a path and moves through it with
intention. I want to tell you one other
personal story, and Jonah hesitantly gave me permission to share this with
you. Jonah is my miracle child. Five times Jonah has been in situations that
could have ended his life. When he was
two he came down with croup. His croup
was so bad that he awakened us in the middle of the night completely unable to
breath. We had to call 911 and when the
paramedics arrived and tested his oxygen level, he was at 50%, low enough that
they packed him into an ambulance and rushed him to the hospital. When he was 3, he got hold of a tube of
toothpaste and ate the entire thing.
This turned out not to be quite the catastrophe that I thought it might
have been, but because it was a tube of fluoridated toothpaste it certainly
scared us until we were able to talk to poison control. When he was four, he got a piece of hotdog
stuck in his throat. Thanks be to God
that I noticed he couldn’t breathe and knew the Heimlich maneuver. He was in the almost fatal car accident with
the car coming directly at us in the wrong lane on the freeway two years ago:
positioned in exactly the place where he would have been the first to die. These are the stories he’d let me tell you,
but frankly there are others.
All of these situations (except the toothpaste incident) were
potentially fatal. And while every day I
thank God for my son, I don’t every day remember that he was watched over and
cared for in these scary, threatening situations. There are times when I focus on the
challenges instead, sometimes the smallest challenges, like of a disagreement
or not doing what I think he should be doing to the degree I want it done,
rather than on the amazing gifts that I have been given every single day by the
continued presence of three beautiful and miraculous children.
My own life, too, has been saved miraculously on several
occasions, mostly involving cars. The
scariest of these occurred when I was 22 and was a mission volunteer in North
Carolina for a little over a half year.
One day I was travelling up an old logging road in an old truck with one
of the leaders of the mission experience when suddenly the engine of the truck
we were driving died, and the breaks went out at the same time. The logging road was extremely steep and on
the left side of the road was a sheer wall rising up, on the other, a sheer
cliff going down. As the truck began to
roll backwards down this winding, steep road, the driver of the car calmly
said, “I’m going to turn the truck into the wall. Hold on.”
He did that, and the truck stopped finally at an angle – a steep enough
angle that he yelled at me to scoot next to him and get out ASAP before the
truck rolled over and off the cliff. We
got out, but just barely. Another time I
was driving behind one of those car-carrying trucks where we were both driving
70 mph on the freeway when suddenly one of the cars rolled off the back, and
almost straight into me. The car’s tires
caught at the last minute and it swerved off the road, but I probably missed it
by at most a foot. A third time I ended
up behind a drunk driver, also driving 70 mph on the freeway, who crossed the
line a little too close to a wall and flipped his car right in front of me. Fortunately, there were no cars in the lane
next to me as I swerved to avoid crashing.
And again I was driving two years ago when we were almost in a head-on
collision that would have killed all of us.
My continued life, too, is a miracle, for which I sometimes
forget to be thankful. But when I hear
psalm 23, these are the stories that cross my mind. When I hear the phrase, “Even though I walk through
the darkest valley, I will fear no evil” I think of the times God has been right
with me through the frightening times, through the hard times, through the real
dangers of life and has seen me through.
I don’t expect to live forever. I
do expect that one of these times something will take my mortal life, whether
that be an accident or a disease or something else. But I remember that that will be in God’s
time and that even in that transition, God will lead me beside quiet waters,
and refresh my soul. That is the promise
of the psalm. Those memories calling me
into deep gratitude for my life, for my son’s life, for all the lives of the
wonderful people around me are renewed and are brought about by this psalm,
calling me to trust, and calling me into gratitude.
I would like to end today with a shortened exercise of lectio
divina. I invite you to close your eyes
and listen again to psalm 23. As we do
so, I want to invite you to listen for a phrase or word that is speaking to you
especially today. I will ask you to say
it out loud if you are comfortable, and then I will read the psalm one more
time. I invite you then to listen for
the Holy Spirit, hear what memories or thoughts She would speak to you
today. I invite you to listen for a new
word from God spoken in old language, in the words of such a familiar psalm of
trust and comfort.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down
in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths
for his name’s sake.
he leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths
for his name’s sake.
Even
though I walk through the darkest valley,
I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff—
they comfort me.
I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff—
they comfort me.
You
prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
my whole life long.
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
my whole life long.
Thanks
be to God that we can trust in God’s love, God’s presence, God’s salvation,
God’s comfort at all times and in all places.
Amen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)