The last five days I have been the constant victim of what has felt like emotional hit-and-runs. People who are usually very nice have, one after another, returned to the "pastor as punching bag" mentality: saying nasty things, dropping little bombs and then running away. Perhaps they didn't all mean it in this way. But that is certainly how it has felt. And I admit, after five days of this, I hit my wall and just had to come home and regroup. And while I don't like being the punching bag, while I don't think it helps or serves anyone to aim one's pain out at another person and attack them, at the same time, I'm aware that all of this, both the comments and the way in which I have felt them, is simply a reflection of the huge amount of stress that we are all experiencing at this point in time.
Regardless of what one feels or believes about the current reaction to this particular situation, when the world goes into crisis mode and daily life is affected by the decisions made in order to deal with the crisis, all of us experience stress, to one degree or another. For some that stress is pure fear, moving them into a survival mode way of being, where they are stocking up on toilet paper and hand sanitizers. For people like me, the stress has more to do with the added work of addressing the recommendations of closing my place of business (the church), and trying to fly my daughter home from her college since it is being closed for the school year. It has to do with making decisions based on partial knowledge about what is best for my communities of people - my congregation and my family.
People are stressed. And they are acting that out in a variety of ways. One of those ways is rage: and that rage finds easy targets in the people who represent some kind of authority. Regardless of how big or small our actual authority is, the people around us want those of us in those positions to fix this, to remove the stress, the fear, the pain. They know that we can't, though, so instead, they turn their fear and anxiety into criticisms.
I understand this. My mind, my body, my heart - I understand this at a very deep level. I, too, want the stress to just go away. I want life to return to "normal." But I can't make that happen. So I live with the situation as it is now, but as I walk this daily path of challenge and increased anxiety, I am finding some things that are helpful as I, too, strive to not allow my anxiety to turn into an anger or edginess that will harm those near me.
For me, the first thing that helps is exercise: for me there are two forms of exercise that especially help. The first is walking - getting out, breathing the clean air of the trees and parks and forests. The second is dancing. And while this is normally seen as a social activity, turning on music in the house and dancing around seems to work pretty well all in itself. The second is contact with other people. And while that is limited right now because of the particular stressors we are experiencing, the gift of the phone and the internet is that even when we are apart, we can connect with one another. For me, writing, praying, journaling is extremely helpful. Laughter and singing are always healing and helpful exercises, so finding funny things on the internet, choosing to see the humor in life, looking for, seeking out and practicing joy - all of these are very helpful. Meditation is always healing and centering. And finally, taking the time to be grateful, to write down the good things which fill our lives even in this challenging and difficult time can remind us of why we have so much more to celebrate than to fear.
In this country we move very easily from fear and anxiety into rage. But rage usually finds targets in those around us: people we love, people we value. Maybe your rage is targeting people you don't value as much, but it behooves us to remember that those people are also people, just the same. And that just as kindness is contagious, anger can be too: we don't want to start that ball rolling. So my final suggestion to all of us during this time is that we take the time to breathe. Breathe in the air that has kept you going each and every moment. Breathe and remember that each breathe is not guaranteed: that these are gifts for which we can be thankful. Breathe before you speak. Breathe before you act. Breathe before you forget that we are all in this together and that kindness, once again, is the only way to get through this whole. Breathe. And then walk into the day with courage, hope, faith, and most especially love for each other, for yourselves, and for this beautiful crazy world that has brought us into being, and will bring each of us out as well. We never know when. We never know how. But we have today. Breathe in it, and go into the world reflecting the grace that has given you this day.
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