As I was getting dressed this morning, I made the unusual (for me) choice to dress down for work. I often wear jeans on the days our hiking group walks but otherwise I usually dress up in "business professional" wear. The reality is, though, that I really prefer what is comfortable to what looks good. Maybe in part this is because I'm just not a really visual person. I understand my world primarily kinesthetically and secondarily through hearing. Vision is somewhere pretty far down the list for me, and so, more than most people, I just don't care about appearance. Those of you who know me well know this. I don't wear make-up, I don't spend time on my hair, I don't wear jewelry or paint my nails. Almost all of my clothing is either gifts or hand-me-downs, and all of it is old. The dress I wore to church on Sunday I was given when I was ordained 25 years ago. The boots I'm wearing today were a gift when we moved to Ohio 13 years ago... you get the idea.
None the less, as I was getting dressed this morning and decided to wear jeans instead of nicer pants, and a t-shirt under a sweater, I had to wrestle with myself a bit about it. I kept remembering an incident at one of the other churches I served years ago. That congregation had an evening praise service that was more focused on younger families and children. It was, intentionally, a very informal service. So we would all come wearing jeans and whatever clothing was comfortable. We had a visitor come one evening for this service, but when she walked in and saw that those attending were dressed casually, she was so offended she turned around and left, commenting to the greeter by the door that "it's disrespectful to God when you don't dress up for church!" It was a flippant remark made by someone I never saw before or since that evening. None the less it stayed with me and its weight was reinforced for me by other comments other people have since made in my hearing. I heard someone else say, for example, that he didn't respect another pastor because that pastor didn't dress up for church.
From a scriptural perspective, I can't support these attitudes. 1 Samuel 16:7b says: "God doesn’t look at things like humans do. Humans see only what is visible to the eyes, but God sees into the heart.” In proverbs 31:30 it says "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain." And maybe the most clear passage is 1 Peter 3:3-4 which says, "Don’t try to make yourselves beautiful on the outside, with stylish hair or by wearing gold jewelry or fine clothes. Instead, make yourselves beautiful on the inside, in your hearts, with the enduring quality of a gentle, peaceful spirit. This type of beauty is very precious in God’s eyes."
From a theological perspective I also struggle to understand this. Do we really think that God cares about what we wear? Or how much money or time we put into our clothing? Amos, among other prophets makes it really clear that what God cares about is our service to one another, our caring for the "least of these" rather than how we adorn ourselves.
That being said, I do understand the thinking of those for whom this is important. Taking the time to put on your best says that the one you are going to see, to worship, to spend time with is important to you, is someone you value. So the choice to dress up for church is a choice to make a statement that God is worth your best, worth your time, worth the effort it takes to dress up.
I understand this. I also understand that God knows that sometimes the best I can do is to be the best I can be that day in terms of my behavior rather than what I am wearing, and that sometimes wearing what will be comfortable, what will not be distracting and need my constant care to make sure I stay tidy and neat, is the best way for me to be the best I can be. The bottom line for me, again, is that people come with different values and different things that take priority in their lives on different days. For me, today, the priority has not been on looking presentable, but on being able to be my best in terms of how I emotionally present on a very hectic and busy day.
This may feel like a small and insignificant thing, but my thoughts around all of this led to thinking more deeply about judgment on the whole. We are so quick to judge those around us who make different choices than we make. Perhaps we are needing their affirmation of the choices we have made in order to feel okay. Perhaps we need them to think and act and look and make choices that mirror our own so we feel good about our own choices. Perhaps we need to be critical and then to feel superior about our choices just to feel okay about ourselves. I don't really know. But I do know that we don't get very far by focusing on what others are doing or failing to do. We don't grow through our judgments of others. We grow by focusing on our own choices and actions. The choices others make can help us to see alternatives and to think through what really matters to us. But determining that the only way we can make the best choices for ourselves is to judge other people's choices is false. There is room for diversity, there is room for differences in our thinking, acting, and living.
I can't change the judgments that come my way about my clothing choices or anything else. But I can use my experience of those judgments to remind me that similarly judging others is not what I choose to do. It is not kind. It is not loving. And judging can waste a lot of space in my heart and head. I'm not saying I won't ever be judging. Unfortunately it is in the nature of our culture to be critical of those around us. But I will work harder to put those judgements aside when they do come and to just focus on what I will choose for myself. Today that's the best I can do.
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