Mark 5:21-43
“Your
daughter has died. Why bother the
teacher any longer” they said to Jairus.
Over and over, people were told not to bother Jesus. The children were told to go away, others who
were “less desirable” were told to go away.
Jesus was important, you see. And
the disciples didn’t want him bothered with those who were “beneath” him.
We
rank people. All of us do. I went to visit a parishioner, years ago, who
was in an extended care facility and when I walked into the room, I saw an
older person in a wheelchair sitting next to the parishioner. I went in and joined the conversation because
I assumed that she was either a family member, or maybe another patient who had
wandered in to talk. I felt okay entering
their group for a few minutes as long as I could “rank” them in this way. But when it turned out that she was actually
the physical therapist, then I felt that I had imposed on her time. And I excused myself. She “ranked higher” as one of the staff at
the hospital, and my time with the patient took a back seat. But as I left, it caused me to think for a
few minutes about how I rank people. I experienced
this from the other side when, at my last church, we worked in a program
similar to Winter Nights in which we housed four families at our church for a
period of time each year. I would never
tell our guests that I was the pastor there because when they found out, they
treated me differently. And while that
different treatment tended to be greater respect,
I still didn’t want that. Life sometimes
separates us into the haves and have-nots, but the reality is that we are all children
of God. My being the pastor of that
church, and someone with a home and income did not make me “better” or more
worthy of respect, attention, or care than any of the guests or helpers who
were there. And that singling out, that
difference in treatment made me uneasy. Again,
we are all children of God. I am not
more deserving of respect because of my status.
They are not less deserving of respect simply because they are in need
of help. Another pastor friend of mine
told me of a time when he was mopping the floor in the church kitchen when
several of the church deacons came in. “Oh
no, pastor! That is not for YOU to do!”
they exclaimed, again with the same “You are too good for this work!” attitude,
one he worked actively to eradicate, but one that was extremely hard to stamp
out. I was part of an Ecumenical
pastor’s group in Ohio which worked extremely well together: we did many
mission activities and started new food programs and children and youth
programs together. We supported each
other and worked well together, but at one of our meetings, one of the other
pastors commented that in another ministerial group of which he had been a
part, there had often been a lot of “posturing” between the pastors. We should all have the humility to see that
we are all children of God. That
posturing is an arrogance that is unbefitting to those who would serve
God.
To
quote JK Rowling, “If you want to know what a person is like, take a good look
at how they treat their inferiors, not their equals.”
Connie Schultz
echoes that in her article, “The Real Gift of Doing Unto Others” (Life
Happens, New York: Random House, 2006).
She wrote, “My mother didn’t have a lot of advice for her three
daughters when it came to men, but her one cautionary note rang with the
clarity of church bells: Don’t marry him until you see how he treats the
waitress…. How they wore… advantages,
she said, would reveal their character.
Anyone who mistreated subordinates was a bully and a bore…. We were
expected to use our best manners with every waitress, housekeeper, bellhop,
parking lot attendant, mechanic, salesclerk – anybody who waited on us or
someone else for a living…. Her rules were simple and intractable: Make eye
contact. Smile at them and call them
‘ma’am’ or ‘sir’. Thank them for their
help. If they’re gumpy, don’t yell at
them. Instead, tilt your head just so
and say, ‘You must be having a bad day.’
And never, ever rob them of their dignity….Do we know the names of the
servers in our company cafeteria, the person who keeps the washrooms clean, the
security guard who nods hello to us day in and day out? When is the last time we asked the clerk at
the dry cleaners how her family is doing?
Have we ever? How often do we
greet a weary cashier with a loud, disgusted sigh? … We won’t change the world by smiling and
asking how they’re holding up, but if you doubt for a moment your kindness
makes a difference, let me tell you one more story about my mom. She never held elected office, was never a
company president or in charge of anyone other than her own four kids. But when she died, more than eight hundred people
showed up for her calling hours. I heard
tender stories about my mom from almost all of them. I met the hairdresser…, the clerk.. at the
corner market, the man who rotated her tires, the seamstress who hemmed her
pants.”
At another church
where I served, the members were intimately involved with a program that served
the homeless. Through our work and
through our time with the homeless people in our community, we developed a very
close relationship with one homeless man in particular. This man was very loving, very giving, very
caring. He began attending our church
and when he did so, he offered to run our sound system, he helped with the
gardening, and he was always on hand to help us in any way. He was not unintelligent, but he was a severe
alcoholic who could not seem to get through the disease to a place where he
could give up drinking. He would give it
up for a week or two and then something would happen and he would be drinking
again. We saw him fight for his life
against this disease and we saw him losing the battle. At one point in our relationship with “George”,
his drinking led him to fall and to hit his head very seriously on the street. The police found him hours later and took him
to the local hospital. His injuries,
especially to his brain, were very serious and he was admitted for long term
hospitalization and rehabilitation.
However, when the nurses and doctors at the hospital came to understand
that he was a homeless, jobless, resource-less man, they gave up caring for
him. He remained at the hospital for
quite a while, because he was unable to walk a straight line, he could not
speak clearly and had very little control over his movements. But in large part he was at the hospital for
so long because they would not provide the care to get him to a place where
they could discharge him. The only time
that “George” received any attention – the only time he would be brought his
meals even – was when one of us was there to insist on it. This was a “Christian” hospital, and the doctors
and nurses who were hired to work there were people of faith. But they did not see the contradiction in
their faith when they ranked people and served them according to their
resources, rather than according to their needs.
This is NOT how
Jesus acted. And it is not what Jesus
calls us to do. Despite the reaction of
those around him, including his disciples, Jesus found time to be present with
“the least of these” every time. He gave
of his healing, of his energy, of his attention, even to those who didn’t
somehow “rank” or “deserve” it.
As you know, I
often end with the “Life is short. And
we have little time with which to grace the lives of those with whom we
travel. So be quick to love. And make
haste to be kind.” To me these are not
just words to be said. They are words to
live by. Micah 6:8 says, “What does the
Lord require of you? To do justice, to
love kindness and to walk humbly with your God.” And Jesus shows us this again and again. He was kind to people, no matter who they were,
no matter what their education or resources or position, or abilities or gifts
or personalities even. He was kind and
loving.
So, what does that
look like, then, practically? First, I
think, like Jesus, we are called to offer the gifts we have even to those who
are “undeserving”. Jairus and his
daughter and the women with the hemorrhage may not have deserved Jesus’
healing. We don’t know if they were
“deserving” or not. Scripture doesn’t
spend any time telling us about their rank or their position except to point
out that Jesus served even those others rejected. We never hear of Jesus asking people about
their backgrounds or their positions. He
offered the gifts he had, of healing, of attention, of wisdom, of guidance, of
teaching, to all of them despite what he knew or didn’t know about whether or
not they deserved it. We are called to
do the same. What are your gifts? What are your resources? To whom do you offer them? If you have the gift of music, do you play
for those who can’t afford the cost of a ticket to come see you perform? If you have the gift of resources, do you
share them with those who have less? If
you have the gift of healing, do you offer to heal even those who can’t pay the
usual doctor’s fee?
Another way that
we can strive to be kind is with our words.
I love the acronym THINK when it comes to speaking.
Is it True
Is it Helpful
Is it Inspiring
Is it Necessary
AND Is it Kind.
Sometimes we can
get stuck at the “it is true” and forget to consider these other things when we
speak. But there is another helpful
saying too, “Given the choice between being right and being kind, choose to be
kind.” Of course we don’t want to lie,
but there are other important reasons to filter what we say, to phrase what we
have to say with grace and compassion, and even to refrain from speaking at all. Is what we have to say helpful? Is it necessary? And again, is it kind? It is not necessary to say every thought that
goes through our heads. But sometimes I
think we get so stuck on the “is it true” that we forget that we don’t have to
say things that aren’t kind, helpful, and necessary. (And inspiring? How much of what we say is actually
INSPIRING?).
We
act with kindness when we truly look at people, all people. We are kind by listening to people, all
people. We are kind by offering our
gifts to people, despite who they are and how they rank. We are kind with our words, and we are kind
with our caring. And my experience is
that when we are kind, we often find that the love follows when it wasn’t there
to begin with. Our kindness leads us to
care more deeply. And our caring leads
us to be more truly kind.
In
case you are unsure about this, kindness deeply matters. A friend of mine shared a story with me this
last week that his great grandfather had been very poor for a time and had had
to move very often. He often was reduced
to having very few possessions at all, just what he could fit in a wagon or, as
an adult, in a small car. None the less,
when he died, they found within his possessions a box of letters written to him
by his Sunday school teacher – words of kindness, words of care, words of
compassion that he had carried with him through all the downsizing, through all
the moves, through all the poverty. He
carried these letters because they were so valuable to him. Those words of kindness and care were that
important.
I
think about the story, Wonder, (R.J. Palacio. New York: Alfred A Knopf, 2012) which is at heart really a story all
about kindness. In the last chapter, the
principal of the school where the story takes place says this, “Shall we make a
new rule of life… always to try to be a little kinder than is
necessary?... What a marvelous line,
isn’t it? Kinder than is necessary. Because it’s not enough to be kind. One should be kinder than needed. Why I love that line, that concept, is that
it reminds me that we carry with us, as human beings, not just the capacity to
be kind, but the very choice of kindness.
And what does that mean? … How do we know we’ve been kind? What is being kind, anyway?... In Under
the Eye of the Clock, by Christopher Nolan, the main character is a young
man who is facing some extraordinary challenges. There’s this one part where someone helps
him: a kid in his class. On the surface,
it’s a small gesture. But to this young
man, whose name is Joseph, it’s… well, if you’ll permit me… ‘It was at moments
such as these that Joseph recognized the face of God in human form. It glimmered in their kindness to him, it
glowed in their keenness, it hinted in their caring, indeed it caressed in
their gaze.’ … Such a simple thing,
kindness. Such a simple thing. A nice word of encouragement given when
needed. An act of friendship. A passing smile… If every single person in this room made it a
rule that wherever you are, whenever you can, you will try to act a little
kinder than is necessary – the world really would be a better pace. And if you do this, if you act just a little
kinder than is necessary, someone else, somewhere,, someday, may recognize in
you, in every single one of you, the face of God.” (p 300).
You
are a wonderfully kind community. But we
are always called to deepen, to grow, and to be more fully and deeply kind and
loving, to all we encounter. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment