Mark 4:1-34
As you listened
to the gospel lesson for today, what is the hardest part of all of this for you
to understand?
“He told them,
“The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the
outside everything is said in parables so that, ‘they may be ever seeing but
never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they
might turn and be forgiven!’”
This
is very confusing. How does this passage
fit in with the God whom we see throughout scripture who is all about forgiveness
and reconciliation? The one who speaks even
from the cross to say, “Father forgive them for they know not what they
do?”
Additionally,
as we read in the rest of the gospels, and even here in this particular chapter
of Mark, even as he is saying that the disciples have been given the secret, it
is actually clear that the disciples don’t understand at all. They need him to explain everything, but even
then, they keep missing the point. So,
if the disciples don’t get it, how are those on the “outside” who never
perceive supposed to understand? And why
does it sound for everything here like Jesus doesn’t want them to therefore
turn and be forgiven?
I
think this is, once more, a case of how we hear these words, rather than how
they were intended. I’d like to read to
you the Message translation of this part of the scripture for today.
“When they were off by themselves, those who
were close to him, along with the Twelve, asked about the stories. He told
them, “You’ve been given insight into God’s kingdom—you know how it works. But
to those who can’t see it yet, everything comes in stories, creating readiness,
nudging them toward receptive insight. These are people—
Whose eyes are
open but don’t see a thing,
Whose ears are
open but don’t understand a word,
Who avoid making
an about-face and getting forgiven.”
Does that
help? I think it does, but there is
still an implication here that somehow we have to do something in order to be
forgiven. And what I want to suggest is
that this isn’t because God withholds God’s forgiveness, but because accepting
that forgiveness into our hearts, that requires something more.
For
those of you who have read my blog, you know that I write often about
forgiveness. I think it is one of the
most important things we are called to do, and I think that at times, it is one
of the hardest things we are called to do, especially when the person we are
struggling to forgive is still hurting us.
But I’ve been looking more closely, lately, at instances when
forgiveness is withheld. I remember a
colleague of mine who was run out of her church by, well, really by two members
of the congregation who basically believed that her sermons were targeted at them. They weren’t.
I’ve read the sermons and they were not focused on these two individuals
at all, but instead were self- condemning, self-revealing, apologetic: open,
caring, and loving. But what is
interesting is that while my colleague forgave these women who ran her out long
ago, the two women continue to be incredibly angry and unforgiving about
something that never actually happened. When
we had a Presbytery meeting at their church I ended up in a conversation with
both of them and the bitterness they still harbor, decades later, towards my
pastor friend is astonishing. The fact
that they would bring up this story, and would try to describe to me what
happened in increasingly hyperbolic terms… I left the conversation feeling deep
pity and sadness for these two who simply were unable to let go – and of
what? Of something that never happened.
Another friend
of mine who is a teacher of children with special needs shared with me that one
of the children in her class was always acting out, hitting, smashing things,
damaging those around him. When my
friend tried to discuss it with the parents, the parents became irate at the
teacher. They sought revenge and began a
smear campaign of hate and anger towards this teacher. A year later when the child had a different
teacher, evidence was found and later it was confirmed that the parents had
been abusing the child: that the anger the child was expressing in my friends’
classroom came from being taught that hitting was the way one dealt with one’s
rage. It was not my friend who
discovered the abuse, and it was not my friend, therefore, who ended up calling
CPS about the child (since she was unaware at the time that this was going
on). But the parents have never forgiven
my friend. And again, for what? For being there, for advocating for and being
kind to their child, for attempting to bring change to a difficult situation,
when the parents were unable to do so themselves.
I look at these
situations, the ones I’ve named, and I wonder what they have in common. And what I see, again and again, is that when
we fail to forgive, it is often because we are blocked in our ability to have
compassion for the other by a dis-ease, a discomfort, often a sense of guilt in
the situation which we are not comfortable looking at, admitting to ourselves,
or working through. Sometimes that
guilty feeling is because we have done something wrong. Sometimes we feel that guilt and there really
is no fault on our part. But either way,
if we are unable or unwilling to really look at our own feelings and our own part
in a situation, it often comes out as rage at another, as inability to forgive
the other.
That realization
has called me to look at myself in those times that I am struggling to forgive
another and to really ask the deeper questions.
Why can’t I forgive in this situation?
What about my own behavior or myself is so hard to look at, that I have
to retain my anger at this other person in order to avoid looking at, and
dealing with myself? As I’ve mentioned
before, this is a great deal of what 12-step programs are based on: looking in,
working through our mistakes, in order to heal.
We
can only begin to forgive others when we have forgiveness for ourselves. And so, when we fail to forgive ourselves,
that pain often comes out in anger at others.
But it is more than this. When we
cannot forgive ourselves and then cannot forgive ourselves, we do not have the
door open to accept God’s forgiveness.
Again, God’s forgiveness is always there. But our own anger, our own rage and judgment
and condemnation – all of that is a block to hearing, seeing, experiencing and
accepting the forgiveness that God offers.
Our lack of
forgiveness of others is, in a sense, a parable. It is a story that calls us to look
deep into our own behaviors and our own psyches for the things we have done
with which we are uneasy. We “see but
don’t perceive” when we project our guilt outward onto others and fail to
forgive them. We “hear but never
understand” when we fail to name our part in a situation and therefore fail to
ASK for forgiveness but instead insist on the shame, humiliation, and damnation
of others.
I want to say
again, forgiveness is not easy. Choosing
to be self-reflective is not easy. I
also think that our culture does not encourage it. The justice system that we use in our country
is actually an elaborate revenge system.
Why do we do this? Again, a
failure to want to look at ourselves.
But also perhaps in part because it is profitable for us to do things
this way. We are a country heavy with
suits: we sue everyone over everything.
Suing is not forgiveness, but the numerous suits do keep our attorneys,
our judges, our court workers in the money.
Our criminal system, too, uses a retributive “justice” model, not a
restorative justice model. I remember
being at a convention that was centered around justice and we had several
lawyer speakers. To a tee all of them
said that “justice” was a theological concept and had nothing to do with our legal
system. That our system is strictly a
mercenary system, not a just one. The
people with the most money win, again and again and again. But a mercenary system of revenge-punishment
is one of avoiding self-reflection, avoiding compassion, failing to bring
healing for victims as well as for perpetrators. It leaves no room for healing, for
forgiveness, for reconciliation, of any involved. We are quick to judge, slow to really
understand and have compassion, slow to forgive. In contrast we are told that God is slow to
judge, but quick to find compassion and grace.
The model we use is not one that follows God or Christ’s teachings.
A restorative
justice model, in contrast, is much more in line with what our faith teaches
and it is one that brings healing for everyone.
One of the classes I took for my doctorate focused on restorative
justice. In New Zealand, the Maori tribe
traditionally used a restorative justice model and we watched a video about one
episode in which restorative justice was used.
A boy had stolen a camera from an older couple. The practice of restorative justice meant
that everyone affected by this episode was to gather in a circle. A talking stick was passed, which meant that
each person was invited to speak and share how the episode affected them, and
no one else could respond or talk during that time. Only the person holding the stick could
respond. The boy who stole the camera began,
and at first, he was just sullen and said he did it because his friends were
all encouraging him to do it: so at first, he was not taking responsibility for
the incident. The stick passed to the
couple who’d had their camera stolen.
They shared that it was not just the camera that they’d lost but all the
pictures from their 50th wedding anniversary, memories that they
could never retrieve, mementos that meant a great deal to them. The boy’s grandfather went next and he said
he felt humiliated and stunned by what his grandson had done. At his words, the boy began to cry. He finally began to understand what he had
done and the damage he had caused. He
admitted then that they’d sold the camera to have pocket change and he claimed
his own responsibility, apologizing not only with words, but with tears. The group together decided that since he
could not return the camera and was unable to replace at that point in time,
the best “consequence” of his actions would be that the boy went to work for
the couple until the debt of the camera was paid off. All those involved in the incident were
interviewed a year later. There were
several things that stood out for me.
The couple stated that in the process of having the young man work for
them, while they were sad that they had lost their photos, at the same time
they felt they had gained a grandson in this boy: that he had become a part of
their family. The boy himself, in coming
to know this couple, had a much deeper appreciation for the damage he had caused. The recidivism rate in the United States,
according to a 2018 study is 83%. The
recidivism rate when restorative justice programs are used drops to about
25%. Additionally, when a retributive
justice system is used, the victims of whatever has happened often report that
they feel revictimized by the court system.
In contrast, the victims when restorative justice is used tend to report
that they leave feeling heard and that real healing has begun.
I have a very
close friend who lives in New Mexico who runs a sheep and goat sanctuary. He called me this week and told me that a few
weeks ago a dog had broken into the sanctuary, killing one sheep and injuring
two others. The owner of the dog paid
for the sheep that was killed and also paid for the vet appointments for the
two who were damaged. But she was also
brought up on criminal charges and it appeared that the punishment was going to
be imprisonment, a fine, and the destroying of her dog. My friend said that because of my constant
barrage of comments to him about restorative vs retributive justice he asked to
speak in court. He said to the judge,
“It will not help me heal the loss of my sheep for her to suffer or for her dog
to die. It will not change things in the
future because she has gone to prison in response to her dog breaking lose and
doing this damage. I am asking you to
drop the criminal charges. She has paid
enough.” The judge agreed. As a result, the woman now has started
volunteering at his animal sanctuary and they have begun a friendship.
That is what the
kingdom of God looks like. That is what
forgiveness looks like. And that is the
way that God treats US. God does not
seek to punish, God seeks to understand.
God does not seek revenge, God seeks healing. God does not work from a place of ignorant
judging, God works from a place of compassion and grace. Jesus
did not choose for those people who did not understand to fail to
understand. He recognized a stance on
their part that led to hearing without understanding, and seeing without perception. It is more than stubbornness that leads to
this. I think about Harry Potter and
what Dumbledore said about the possibility for Voldemort’s healing. He said that even this evil man could heal,
he could heal all the horrible, awful things he had done. There was hope for him, but it was only to be
found in a decision on his part to look, to see what he had done and to feel
remorse. Dumbledore also admitted that the pain of that remorse
would be worse than he could imagine. And,
unfortunately, it was a pain Voldemort
was simply unwilling to experience. Our
salvation, or to use a less “churchy” word – our healing, our wholeness, comes when we are willing to look, honestly,
at what we have done – not project it outward as the scribes, Pharisees and
others did with Jesus. They projected
onto him all their anger, fear, hatred – all of their mistakes and they then therefore
killed him. He had done nothing to harm
them, but they projected their own pain
onto him. They were not willing to see
because it would hurt too much. They
were not willing to understand. And
because of that, all the forgiveness in the world that God offers, and God does
offer it, they could not accept into their beings in any way. They just couldn’t. When we cannot look at ourselves, face
ourselves, forgive ourselves, we cannot forgive others. And when we cannot forgive others, we cannot
find healing. I think about what Corrie
Ten Boom said about the people she worked with after WWII who healed were those
who forgave. Those unable to heal were
those who were also unable to forgive.
This is the theory, again, behind 12-step programs as well: when we
cannot face ourselves, we get stuck in our addictions. It is only when we do the inner work that we
are able to heal from them.
Does
God want to keep forgiveness from us?
Never. Jesus came to announce
that forgiveness, to heal us, to make us whole.
He declared from the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know now what
they do.” No. But our ability to accept God’s forgiveness
is in measure to our ability to forgive others.
And our ability to forgive others is in measure to our ability to
forgive ourselves. Our ability to
forgive ourselves has to start with a facing, an understanding, an owning of
what we have done. So we 1. Self-reflect
2. Find compassion for ourselves.
3. Find compassion for others
4. Accept forgiveness in.
And that is the cycle of healing,
for ourselves, for our neighbors, and for the world.
Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment