I've had the great gift and privilege of leading a week of music camp for some of the kids Contra Costa Interfaith Housing serves. As many of you know, I absolutely love working with kids. I love teaching music. I really enjoy playing games. And I love singing. So combine all four of these things and I'm in my element. That being said, I knew that these were kids who would undoubtedly come with some challenges (based simply on the hardships they have lived through), and so I was not surprised to find it much more challenging than normal to get and hold their attention, and to consistently expect respectful behavior towards one another or the adults working with them. That doesn't matter to me. It's a little more draining, perhaps, but I love the kids all the same and work hard to keep them engaged and having fun.
During the entire week, we experienced only one real incident of blatant disrespect/difficulty. One of the older kids (13) was singing in a high, ridiculous, falsetto voice and when confronted he, of course, denied it and said he was doing his best (though I'd heard him the rest of the week and knew he actually sang very well when he chose to). My 13 year old has been accompanying me this week as a helper and when we got into the car to return home after camp, she told me she really hated kids like that at her school because they were so good at 1. causing trouble and then 2. getting away with it because their protests of innocence are so convincing. She went on to say that even when these kids are actually caught causing problems at school, they just get rewarded for their bad behavior usually by being sent home for a few days of vacation. The administrators call it being "suspended" but all the kids know it as "free vacation days".
The conversation threw me back in time to when my family hit their peek crisis six years ago. My daughters weathered the storm well, but my son struggled. He was already challenged with ADHD, sensory integration disorder and depression. When their father was suddenly and completely gone, when his medication caused a freak out, when the world became overwhelmingly difficult for all of us, my son didn't handle it with ease. At one point he found himself defending a teacher who had cared for him to another student and my son made the wrong choice of stabbing at the kid with a pencil. No actual damage was done to the other child, but violence is never excusable, and he was suspended for a few days. I agree that there had to be a consequence. No matter what he was going through, violence is not an acceptable option and this needed to be made clear. But what I don't agree with is the consequences that many school systems now use.
My son, as well as my daughters, both saw him as being rewarded for his behavior, because he was basically given vacation. Since I had to work, he was given unsupervised vacation where he was allowed free reign of home for three days. No homework, no school work: just free time to play, or do whatever he wanted. It was therefore not a surprise to me a few weeks later, when school became challenging again, he purposely set up a situation where he would be suspended a second time so he could have another free vacation.
I assume the thinking behind "suspension" is that if the kid is home 1.The parents who obviously (sarcasm) caused their child to be "bad" would be punished by having to miss work and having to deal with their kid. 2. The parents, because they would then be suffering loss of money, loss of freedom, would come down hard on the kids and punish the kid themselves. 3. The child would feel humiliated by being sent home and therefore would shape up. 4. The class gets a break from a difficult child for a few days.
But there are many problems with this thinking. 1. If, in fact, it is the parent's "fault" that the kid is misbehaving, sending the child back to spend even more time with problem parents will exacerbate the problem. 2. If it is not the parents' fault, then the parents are being punished with loss of income (often parents have to stay home with their child and not go to work), with needing to pay for care, or with the fear of having to leave their child at home alone after misbehavior at school. 3. Most of the kids who get into trouble are already struggling at school, struggling to keep up, struggling to stay on top of their learning. Taking them out of school will only make them farther behind, create a situation where they are learning even less, and increase frustration as they try to make up for lost classroom learning. 4. If, in fact, the removal of the child from the class gives the rest of the class a break, when the child returns, he will not be treated well by his peers, which can cause even more problems for him at school, more acting out, etc.
There are so many more affective alternatives to this that it frankly baffles the mind why they aren't in place. There is a school district near ours that "punishes" by requiring community service time. That makes sense to me: have the kids give back, have them experience and remember that there are other people who are also struggling who choose non-violent responses to their traumas. I always thought detention was affective; if you have to spend more time in school as a result of behaving badly at school, that works pretty well, especially if during that detention you are doing more school work. In a restorative justice model, a consequence for bad behavior is for counselors and administrators to spend time with the offender and figure out why they are acting in this way and actually work to bring healing to all involved (offender and potential victims alike). Natural and logical consequences would say that if a child does vandalism, they are required to clean it up. If a child hurts another child, they are required to help bring healing to the child harmed. They may have to go through an anti-bullying program, etc.
I realize schools in the United States are extremely poorly funded. I realize that sending a child home is an easy "solution" when a school has limited resources. I also believe deeply that it does not bring change, does not fix the problems, and does not improve school life for anyone. My girls see very clearly that bad behavior is being rewarded. My son experienced that to be true. How can this possibly help?
I understand that our school districts have many issues, including the very way that we teach, using old methods for a culture that has outgrown them. This is just one area that needs to be changed. I know I have no say or authority to encourage a change, but as a parent, I can see that it is ineffective and doesn't work. Hopefully others will stand up and work for change as well.
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