Monday, September 28, 2015

The writer, the preacher, the person

I've been deeply graced lately by affirmations about my writing and about my preaching that have been soothing balm to this soul who struggles at times. I am so grateful to you who have made those comments, so I want to start just with a simple thank you.  I am grateful that you appreciate what I write, what I preach.  I am grateful when you tell me it caused you to think, or that you felt better having read something I wrote.  I am honored when you share what I've written.  Your words are true gifts to me.  Thank you.

But interestingly, I found myself thinking today about the actors who feel they are loved for their "personna's" and not for who they really are.  Don't get me wrong.  I know that I am genuinely loved by truly amazing and wonderful friends and family.  But I am all too aware that I write from the place of the person I wish to be.  Maybe that sounds odd.  But it is true.  I write from the place of the person I am working to become, hoping to become, wanting to become. That isn't to say that I don't write other things, too.  But I tend to not "publish" the writings that show my most insecure, broken or needy self on my blog.  And I have found that the best sermons I write are the ones that I write to myself. What I mean is, when I am noticing or working on something within me that I know needs to be changed or confronted or improved, I preach about that. I am a person "on the way" as I say in my profile on this page. And that means I get it wrong more often than I'd like, I make mistakes more often than I'd ever want, and I have way too many regrets. Again, as I have often said in my blog, I realize at some level that this is not what we are called to do or be.  We are called to live in forgiveness and grace, not regrets and insecurities.  But I'm deeply human.  Much more than I would like to be, or like to admit.

Anne Lemott says that people heal through their writing.  I think there is deep truth in that.  I work through my stuff often through writing.  It means that only a little of what I write is fit for others to read.  I am jealous of my friend James who manages to publish something on his blog daily that is filled with compassion and grace (see side bar for his blog).  Still, I remain grateful when what you read from me is meaningful to you.

This is one of those occasions when I'm not even sure the point of this particular blog post. Just wanting to own that I'm much more "broken" than I appear here.  And wanting to say thank you for the kind words.  Bless you, dear readers.  You help ease my journey in so many ways!