Changing Sense of Call

 

Luke 5:1-11

Mark 1:14-20

               Today we have two stories about the call of the fishermen disciples.  

               In the story from Luke, we see that Jesus initiates the call by asking for a favor: “Jesus boarded one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon and then asked him to row out a little distance from the shore.”  After preaching to the crowds, he makes another request, “Row out farther, into the deep water, and drop your nets for a catch.”  Jesus initiates, and it is possible at any point that Simon Peter could have said no.  He does resist in response to that second request, “Well, we’ve already worked hard all night and caught nothing!”  There’s no guarantee that he will answer the request, the call, the initiation from Jesus with a “yes”.  That is the risk that God takes when approaching us, as God always does.  The risk on God’s part is that we will say “no”.  But Simon Peter, though grumbling, does not say “no”.  He answers with “well, I don’t think will work, but because you are asking me, I’ll do it.” 

               The result of his saying “yes” to Jesus then is a catch that far exceeds expectations, that is far beyond even any hopes that he might have had.  The catch is so big that it is, literally, overwhelming their boats and threatening to sink them.

               And then Jesus calls them to follow.  And again, despite what they have just seen, the abundance they have just witnessed, the overflowing-beyond-expectation catch they have just made, they still have the option to say “no” once more.  And Simon Peter again has his doubts, his fears.  “Leave me, Lord, for I am a sinner” he declares.  But in the end, remembering all that has come to pass, he again says “yes” expecting that their catch, this time of people, will continue to be huge.

               There is so much in this story.  Their fears, their hesitations, their responses are reminiscent of the prophets, almost all of whom have similar beginning stories.  The stories of Isaiah, Jonah, Jeremiah, etc. all begin with God’s call: a relationship and an invitation into a calling that is initiated by God.  All of these prophets, too, respond with doubt, with hesitation.  But in spite of their doubt, in spite of their hesitation, in spite of everything they, too, ultimately say “yes” to this call from God.  As a result, with all of them, the catch is huge, the expectations that they had are far exceeded.  The unexplored areas of potential beyond their ideas of what is possible, of the limits of resources, knowledge and energy are far beyond their vision. 

And so, the question is brought back to us: in what ways do we limit ourselves, see walls that maybe aren’t really there, see limitations or declare, as Simon Peter did, “We already tried that and it didn’t work!”?  In what ways, when new ideas or possibilities are presented to us, do we roll our eyes and squash those visions, those opportunities and invitations before they have been given space?  How do we fail to remember that past times are not this time, and situations that maybe made things fail before may be different now?  That specific calls are for a time, for a season, and while a new vision may sound like the old one, if God calls us to try again, it’s just possible that God’s ideas are in fact for now, and that they might be new, stemming from new visions, and new hopes for what might be done now, in this time and in this place, even when they sound similar.  In what ways, then, have we limited where and how we will find God?

               In my lectionary group, one of our pastors shared that at his church they have a food pantry.  And one week when one of the men came to pick up his food, he asked if he could use the kitchen to cook a specific meal.  The man was without house, and he did not have the ability to make himself the food he wanted.  Using the kitchen at the church, though, was off limits.  It had “never been done before” and at another church where the pastor had served it “had been tried once and had failed” so the invitation to open that door again was unappealing and, frankly, against that church’s rules.  But my friend decided to make an exception this one time.  The man invited my friend to stay with him while he used the kitchen, while he cooked his meal, and they began to talk.  The man was cooking a wondrous meal with his hands, but his words, my friend discovered, were also a rich feast in which he was  creating real visions based on understanding and insight.  They ended up discussing scripture, talking through that week’s sermon and this homeless man gave my friend new insights and new examples to use.  And as my friend listened to this man, he heard God’s words in new and different and empowering ways.  This simple decision on the part of my friend to allow this seemingly uneducated, dirty, lost man access to the kitchen led into new understandings from a man who was extremely intelligent, but more, very wise and who had gifts to give in terms of vision, ideas and insights.  My friend was given a glimpse of God, simply because he said “yes” to an unusual request. 

Just as the catch that the would-be disciples drew was big enough not just for the fisherfolk, but big enough to feed the community in its abundance, the gifts given to my friend were for his whole church community as well. 

I want to point out something else here: fishing for people, calling the disciples, offering call to us, is never coercive or domineering.  Jesus did not insist that they do what he asked.  He did not insist that they follow.  He initiated, engaged, but in the end, the choice was theirs.  Call from God as we see in this story is personal, relational work. The result of following is healing and abundance.  So when one starts to say yes, the results are impossible to ignore: the catch is so big and so clear that, while we still always have choice, the reality of the call is made abundant.  I think about the times when I have heard God urging me to do something.  Even with something as simple as donating money, I have often found that when I have answered a call to give, when I have felt that tugging at my heart to be generous, that whatever I have given has been returned to me in abundance.  Just like with the disciples, that doesn’t make the next time I am asked to do something necessarily easy.  It is hard, even with proofs offered again and again of the abundant response of God, it is still hard to trust that when we are asked again to do something, to give something, to follow something, that God’s abundance will still carry us.  That’s what faith is: trusting that when we answer yes, that God will be with us and will be there to carry us even when there is risk, danger and potential injury.  God will be with us.  And the promise is that no matter what struggles we face, that following with God is better than saying no and going the journey alone.

At the same time, I also want to be clear here that there is a cost to saying “yes”.  While the abundance of God abounds, there is also a cost.  In this story, the men had worked all night.  They were tired, probably exhausted, frankly, and they were being asked to set out in their boats once more, to a deeper area, to go out again.  Then after they have worked hard again to bring in the fish, Jesus calls them to follow him in all that he does: not to rest, not to go back to their families, but to leave everything and follow him.  They did leave everything, staring with and including the huge fish catch that they had just had, to go with Jesus.  Eventually many of them follow Jesus to the cross and end by losing their very lives.  While the catch is huge, the abundance of God is beyond compare, there is also a price to be paid in this world for following on the way of Jesus, and that cost is sometimes everything that we are and have.  And still, God’s promise remains that this choice is better than to say “no”.  But that is something we can only learn for certain through the doing, through the experiencing of it.

I want to note here that the son’s of Zebedee who fished with their family boat and supported their family left that family to follow.  As we heard at the end of the story in Mark, “At that very moment he called them. They followed him, leaving their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired workers.”  What is interesting here is that the name “Zebedee” means “gift giver” and when we discussed this this week at my lectionary group, one of my colleagues pointed out that all names in the Bible have meaning. “What gift did Zebedee give in this situation?” he asked, to which I quickly responded, “what he gave was his sons!  He released them to go with Jesus, to follow their calls, despite the great loss to himself.”  Sometimes, perhaps often, our children have calls, have a sense of a passionate calling from God that takes them away from us, that takes them into areas that frighten us or that we don’t understand.  But part of our call, and our gift to God and to the world in which they live, is in letting them go: letting them take the paths that God has for them.  Our gift, as was Zebedee’s gift, is our children to the world, and to God’s kingdom, even when we don’t recognize or understand it.  That too, comes with a great price: the call to launch our children and allow them to follow their own call.  I think about the movie Billy Elliot in which the father did not understand the call of his son to be a dancer.  I think about Bend it like Beckham, in which the girls’ parents similarly did not understand their daughter’s call to play soccer.  It is the hardest part of a parent’s call, to allow our children to follow their own paths, their own calling.  But that is a call that we as parents are often given: we are called to send them with love, to support them in their dreams even when we don’t understand, to look for God’s presence and God’s actions within their choices and to let them go.  Not easy, but it too is part of following God, trusting God to lead them in their own path, their own calls.

I also want to point out that while the translations of both say “I will make you fish for people” the actual words in the Greek should be translated more accurately, “I will make you become fishers of people”.  This is not just about actions, this is about one’s very identity.  In following Christ, in following our call, it is not just simply that what we do, how we work, our jobs, actions or behaviors might change.  Our very identity changes.  We become something else, something new.    

The journey of call and response is a journey of relationship.  As I said, Jesus initiated with the disciples as God initiates with us.  And while it was a one-time event of saying “yes” to Jesus, it was also a life-time process.  Just as Jesus’ coming was both the kingdom is here and the kingdom is coming;  just as our relationship with Christ is both now and a journey forward, our call is a choice we make now but also a continued choice.  Also, call changes as we change and grow and as times change and grow.  The needs of the world change, we change, and our call changes with it.  That means we don’t and won’t always get it right.  It also means that it is very important that we continue to deepen in our study, in our commitment to learning and growing in our faith.  Too many churches emphasize the one time joining and forget the process then of deepening, studying, growing in our faith.  But both are important, for all Christians.   

Remember that the Simon Peter who said yes to Jesus’ call was also the Peter who was deeply and mistakenly confused at the transfiguration and who denied Jesus at the end.  Jesus ministry was affected by those he was with; those who needed him in specific ways, who thwarted him in specific ways, who were human with him in their own individual, unique ways.  The path of call is two way: our decisions to say “yes or no” end up affecting the path that Jesus walks too.  And for that reason, our choices to say yes or no are extremely important and should not be taken lightly.

Finally, I want to point out once more that Jesus final words of invitation to the disciples in the Luke story begin with the words, once more, “be not afraid”. We are always called to step forward in faith, to leave fear behind and risk saying “yes” when a call presents itself to us.  Listen for God’s call for you today.  It will be filled with abundance, but it will also require risk, and possible sacrifice.  Be not afraid and step into your call with faith, with hope, and with love.  Amen.

You are Not Less Worthy

Luke 4:14-30

1 Corinthians 12:12-31

1/17/21

        Which part of the body are you?  Are you the eyes, seeing everything that goes on, observing, and through that seeing, helping us to be guided forward as a church, as a people, into the future?  Are you the ears, hearing the concerns and hearing the gifts, hearing the wisdom and the direction that God is calling us to take?  Are you the feet, leading the body of the church into the world to do the work of serving people?  Or are you the shoulders, holding up those who have burdens to bear?   Are you the guts of the church, keeping it going in terms of numbers and finances?  Are you the brains of the church, called to make decisions about the direction of the church?  Maybe you are the mouth, called to speak up about injustices, or to speak God’s Good News to one another and to the world.  As you reflect on this, I want to remind you that being humble, walking humbly with God, is NOT about denying God’s gifts to you.  Instead, it is about recognizing that all talents are gifts from God and that one talent is not more worthy or more honored by God than another.  My gifts are not more valuable than yours in the service of God and God’s people, the gifts God has given me do not make me a better or more beloved person.  Each of our gifts is a gift God has given us for the purpose of serving God in the world.  All jobs are needed, all gifts are needed.  Recognizing that is humility.  When we deny God’s gifts to us we are being ungrateful to the God who has gifted us with our talents.

      But I think one of our biggest challenges is simply figuring out what our gifts are.  And I would challenge you to consider that everything about who you are is a gift to the community.  

      I want to share with you about a person who was one of the members of another church in which I worked.  This is a person who was - well, annoying.  Some might have said he was abrasive.  But whatever you want to call it, he was a difficult person in the church.  He always questioned every idea that came forward, never satisfied with simple answers, never just saying "let's do it!"  He spoke his mind and when he didn't like something, he spoke out, which was often.  When he heard someone say something with which he disagreed, he challenged it right away.  He also came with his own ideas, but these ideas challenged the norm, challenged the status quo at every level.  "Let's try this kind of music."  "Hey, I'm going to start an anti-gang program here at the church.  Anyone want to join me?"  "I think we should go out every Friday evening with a big sign about our church and stand on the street corner at the mall talking to anyone who passes by about what we do here."  He didn't go through the right channels and he was always a pain in everyone's life.  Do you know people like that?  People who are part of your communities who irritate and cause your life to be difficult?

      Eventually "Jason" got called away to a job out of the area and he had to leave the church.  It was only after he had left that we realized the huge hole he had left in his leaving.  He had brought so many gifts to our congregation.  He had challenged us to grow and to expand our thinking.  He had challenged us to be clear in our explanations of the visions and ideas that we had.  He had called us to think through our positions and to be open to differences.  He had challenged us to be open to the movement of the Spirit in a new way, one that didn't go through the long chain of committees, but instead moved into ministry and action without fear and with a great deal of true and deep faith.  I don't know if Jason was aware of his gifts.  I don't know if he recognized that he was in so many ways the head of our body, thinking, dreaming, leading us forward.  I do know that he realized that for many of us he was a pill, he was a challenge.  I know he knew that he wasn't the most popular guy and that people hid when they saw him coming.  I can only hope that he also came to see that the things we all struggled with the most in him were the deepest gifts he had been given by God.  And that his sharing of those gifts brought all of us spiritually, and faithfully deeper and more genuine in our relationships with each other and with God.

     The evil vice- principal character in Joan of Arcadia manifests his evil in a number of ways.  But one of the principal ways is that when a kid feels he is gifted in something, Mr. Price asserts, loudly and clearly that that kid is not gifted in whatever area it is.  Mr. Price declares that the child has no talent in the area.  He denies the child’s gift, and in doing so, often robs the child of the gift altogether by convincing the kid that he does not have it.  That is evil in the series Joan of Arcadia.  And it is evil in our real lives as well.

    C.S. Lewis in the second book of his space Trilogy, Perelandra, wrote, "Don't imagine I've been selected for ...any task...because I'm anyone in particular.  One never can see, or not till long afterwards, why any one was selected for any calling.  And when one does, it is usually some reason that leaves no room for vanity.  Certainly it is never for what the ...person...themself would have regarded as their chief qualifications."

    We don't see all of the gifts God has given to each of us ourselves.  And we don't see all of the gifts God has given to those around us.  Sometimes we fail so completely to see those gifts that we limit their expression, how much good God can bring out of them, how much we allow others to help us grow in our spiritual journeys.  

Everything that you are is a gift to the community.  That means that even our great differences, not only in terms of gifts but in terms of perspectives, are gifts to the community.    Unity of the body, working towards the same goal of furthering Christ’s body in the world does not, for example, mean that we see the world, the church, our faith, any of it, in the same way.  The perspective of the feet is going to be different from the perspective of the head.  They are in different places and therefore see the world very, very differently.

I want to share with you a poem:

It was six men of Indostan, to learning much inclined,

Who went to see the elephant (though all of them were blind),

That each by observation might satisfy his mind.

The first approached the elephant, and, happening to fall

Against his broad and burly side, at once began to call:

"I see," said he, "the elephant is very like a wall!"

The second, feeling of the tusk, cried, "Ho! What have we here?

So very round and smooth and sharp? To me 'tis mighty clear

This wonder of an elephant is very like a spear!"

The third approached the animal, and, happening to take

The squirming trunk within his hands, thus boldly up and spake,

"I see," said he, "the elephant is very like a snake!"

The fourth reached out his eager hand and felt about the knee:

"What most this wondrous beast is like is mighty plain," said he,

"'Tis clear enough the elephant is very like a tree!"

The fifth, who chanced to touch the ear, said, "E'en the blindest man

Can tell what this resembles most. Deny the fact who can,

This marvel of an elephant is very like a fan!"

The sixth no sooner had begun about the beast to grope,

Than, seizing on the swinging tail that fell within his scope,

"I see," said he, "the elephant is very like a rope!"

And so these men of Indostan disputed loud and long,

Each in his own opinion exceeding stiff and strong,

though each was partly in the right, and all were in the wrong!

So oft in group endeavors, the members of the team

Rail on in utter ignorance of what each other mean,

As if it were an elephant not one of them has seen.

We don’t often see the whole picture.  And the perspectives and gifts of others help us to get a greater glimpse of the whole, when we stay open.  Others’ visions and insights help us to grow, to see, to be closer to God.    

     It is not completely clear whether Paul was writing the passage from Corinthians to a group of people who were putting each other down, refusing to value equally the gifts, talents, and perspectives of one another, or if he was writing to a group of people who were insecure about their own gifts.    But in most of our congregations I think we tend much more towards the latter problem, refusing to acknowledge our own gifts, let alone honor them as valuable.  

      Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I think about the gospel story for today and why the people got upset with Jesus proclaiming, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” And then saying, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”  Why did people get upset about that?  Because they felt it lacked humility?  No doubt.  But the truth is that this call is for ALL of us.  God calls each and every one of us to proclaim good news to the poor, to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free and to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”  This is all of our call.  Each of you could say today, “this scripture is being fulfilled now” as you do this work in the world, in your lives, in your personal relationships.  We are all called to do this.  Claiming that call, owning that call, naming that call as FOR YOU is not lacking in humility.  It is recognizing that God has called you to a task and that you have chosen to accept that call and to answer it with a “yes”.

       We do have different gifts.  So we answer that call in different ways.  But the call to follow Jesus, the call to live in this way, the call to be the people of God – that is a call for each and every one of us!

       I would like to encourage all of us to think beyond what we normally identify as our gifts, to be open to the possibility that God can and does use our differences but also, will use our hidden gifts if we stay open to seeing what they are, towards the furtherance of God’s realm.  You are valued in the body of Christ.  And your gifts are valued.  You are more worthy than you know as you contribute to the body just by being you.  

Prayer from God: Lord’s prayer (as it might be prayed by God to us):

My children who are on earth:

You reverence my name

But you do not celebrate my will for you.

You pray my kingdom come,

But how can it

When you ARE what I mean by my kingdom?

You pray for your daily bread,

But you have enough-and to spare.

You pray for forgiveness of your sins,

But how often you will not forgive each other.

You ask me not to lead you into temptation,

But what can I do for you

That I am not already doing?

Use the gifts I am giving you

And you will know my power and glory

Forever and ever.

Amen.

(by Rev. Dewane Zimmerman)

Finally, I want to end with another poem, this one by Howard Thurman:

"When the song of the angels is stilled,

When the star in the sky is gone,

When the kings and princes are home,

When the shepherds are back with their flock,

The work of Christmas begins:

To find the lost,

To heal the broken,

To feed the hungry,

To release the prisoner,

To rebuild the nations,

To bring peace among people,

To make music in the heart.”

That is what our gifts are for.  I pray that we might all use them well.

Too Much Judgement

          Over my life-time we have been steadily learning that punishment is not nearly as effective (if it is effective AT ALL) as a combination of positive reinforcement and natural consequences.  We've learned that beating on children, for example, does not improve behavior, but teaches kids to be bullies themselves.  We've learned that natural consequences (you break a toy and then you no longer have it,  you are mean to a friend and you lose that friendship, you spill and you have to clean it up yourself) have a much bigger impact on all of us.  We learn when there are consequences for our actions that are natural.  What children and all of us learn when we are "punished" for things we've done wrong is more to hate, distrust, fear and seek revenge towards the ones who have punished us.  We've learned this, and in many ways we are beginning to live that out more and more fully.  The best parents I know often use mistakes as teaching opportunities, seeing errors as growing and learning experiences rather than as "sins" that need punishment.  But in other ways, we continue to use the archaic and ineffective methods of punishment in dealing with "mistakes".

    With children, for example, we still use some truly ineffective punishments.  I read an article yesterday that went into detail about something I had long ago come to believe: that suspensions and expulsions just teach kids to act out more: they get out of school, the school has made it clear that they don't want the kids there, often the child gets to be home alone while their parents are working, and what kids have learned from this is that the school authorities don't listen, care, or really values them as human beings.  They are being sent away because they aren't wanted.  No one has taken the time to work with them on what went wrong or how to do things differently, they've just dismissed the child.  What child will work harder for those who just dismiss them?  What child will change their behavior when it is clear that they get rewarded with time off when they act out?  It makes no sense.  And studies are finally catching up and showing this to be true.   

    I've also mentioned before that studies also show (see previous posts) that our entire retributive justice system just creates the criminals we are somehow hoping to change by these punitive responses to crimes.  Restorative justice, in contrast, which focuses on natural consequences, healing for the victims and for the perpetrators, restoration of relationships and reconciliation, in great contrast leads to MUCH lower recidivism rates and actually makes a positive difference for all involved.

    But while I've talked about both of the above in detail in the past, I've been thinking about the other ways in which we continue to live out the mistaken thinking that judging, condemning and punishing others is the way to get others to change in the ways we want.

    For example, employee evaluations have, historically, been opportunities for anonymous people to slam someone else rather than effective and helpful opportunities for constructive feedback.  Often, they have not offered helpful critique that allow for growth and change.  And the anonymity of them means that the person receiving the criticisms can not follow through or ask questions that would allow for further clarity or growth.  Additionally, the anonymity of these critiques also encourages normally sane people to take advantage of their "hidden" status to express opinionated, judgmental and often harsh or unkind ideas without recourse or consequences.  Often these are simply the expression of likes and dislikes rather than genuine helpful feedback that would encourage growth.  My own experience with these kinds of evaluations has also been that I'll receive one evaluation with a comment like "Don't talk so loud!" while another writes, "You need to speak up!" or one saying, "Speak more slowly and calmly!" while another says, "You need to be more animated!" Even less helpful are generalizations that offer no specifics, "I don't like her sermons." or "She doesn't lead well."  All of these leave me without any real way to address opposing or non-specific complaints.  

    But even more basic to our current lives is the "dislike" buttons on all social media platforms.  What does "dislike" communicate after all?  It says absolutely nothing that is helpful.  It does not say WHY a person dislikes something.  It doesn't communicate if there was something specific that was not appreciated or if it was the entire thing.  Often people cannot even see on these platforms who it is that said they "disliked" whatever it was.  And more and more I wonder why we have this option.  I have been listening to some incredible music on YouTube lately.  But I always see in these posts a number of "dislikes".  Why do people listen to those posts if they don't like that kind of music?  Why do people bother to be critical and judging at all of a post that may not have been meaningful to them, but which could be so meaningful to so many others?  How are these snap, unclear, and blanket "dislikes" in any way productive, or helpful, or meaningful?

    We are struggling as a country with increased divisions.  I think part of this is a simple failure to communicate with one another.  But a bigger part is that we make quick and full judgments that we don't explain, don't think through and which do not serve those we judge or ourselves either for that matter.  This is a pattern, this is part of our culture, and it seems to bleed into every part of our society.

    There is a reason Jesus said, "do not judge lest ye be judged."  When a society is more focused on judging than on understanding, on condemnation instead of compassion, on tearing one another down, punishing, hurting, seeking revenge, rather than working to build up, communicate, create bridges of reconciliation and healing, then we are doomed to continue these divides that will tear us all apart.

    Bottom line?  We are far too judgmental.  And we are far too quick to "punish" rather than to heal.  Until we get this, until we change, we are heading down a very dangerous path.  God save us all! 

Gift of Renewal

 

Luke 3:1-22

Mark 1:4-11

There once was a little boy named Sam who was very excited about Halloween.  But his parents kept putting off getting his costume until finally the day of Halloween his mother came home with a costume that Sam hated.  It was of some comic book character who had been big once but who now was seen by all the kids to be ridiculous and only for the littlest of children.  Sam was devastated.  How could he ever wear this?  He couldn’t possibly go out on Halloween in this costume!  He was so upset, he ran down the street to where an older couple who had become surrogate grandparents to Sam lived.  He ran into their house and cried and cried about the terrible costume his mother had picked out for him.  Well, Norm, the older man thought for a few minutes and then he said to his wife, “Don’t we have some old costumes up in the attic from when our kids were children?”

“Why, I believe we do!”  she replied.  Up they all went into the attic and down they came with an old ghost costume.  Really, it was just a sheet with holes cut in it for the eyes.  But Sam was so thrilled with the costume, he just couldn’t wait to put it on.  With a look of awe in his eyes, he pulled the sheet down over his head and before anyone could stop him, he went running out the door to go trick or treating and ran straight through the yard and bam into a tree!  Norm saw this and he dashed out after him, picked up the little boy, but before he could stop him, there Sam took off again, running as fast as he could until bam he ran smack into another tree!  This time the force pushed him flat onto his back where he lay still until Norm came running up.  Norm wondered what on earth was going on until he looked into Sam’s face and realized that Sam had not lined up the eye holes to match his eyes.  He had been virtually blind, running around the yard, completely unable to see where he was going.  Norm gently but firmly took hold of the sheet, pulled it around until Sam was able to see through the eye holes, tied a rope around his waist to hold the costume in place and sent Sam off on a much more successful and enjoyable Halloween evening of trick-or-treating!

Blindness.  The inability to see without help.  Walking around in the dark, not because it is dark, but because our vision is covered, obscured in some way.  The darkness of failing to realize that we could see, if someone were to just help us adjust our costumes, adjust our outlook, adjust our approach, just a little bit.  Oftentimes it is this blindness which causes us to err, to sin, to take a wrong path so that somebody gets hit, whether it be just a tree or another person, someone gets hurt: and we obviously do as well. 

We all have our costumes a little bit askew.  We all think that we are speaking the same language, like the little boy knowing it is Halloween, knowing he is supposed to wear a costume and go out into the night.  Sometimes when we come thinking we know how things are supposed to work, we miss the very cues that tell us our eyes are not seeing clearly right now.

Similarly, when new people come into our spaces, it is sometimes hard to read them as well and so we have a goal for ourselves to see our vision of God’s hand at work in this place and to try to interpret that for any who are new coming into our space.  But regardless, I think it is important that we treat one another with patience, always, knowing that even as we speak the same languages, and even when we’ve known each other a long time, we never completely understand one another, we never completely can see with the same vision as one another.  So we struggle at times to walk together, learn together, work together, as we learn to see through the eye holes of our new trappings.  We try to respect different traditions, try to honor different values in ministry, recognizing that by the very nature of our being different people, with different church experiences and, raised with different values and different visions, we will do things differently, but we know that as people, we do and will step on toes, we do and will create and experience challenges that help us all grow, and we do and will undoubtedly make mistakes.  Part of what helps is to share with one another our stories, sharing what matters most to each of us about your lives, striving to trust one another with honesty, openness, to be the people who, when we have run into a tree can come and adjust the eye-holes and with grace and forgiveness, set us going on a path that will make our walks easier, cleaner, straighter and will involve us hitting as few trees, or even people, as possible.  

It also involves forgiveness, and seeking to heal relationships when things have not gone well, when we have hit trees, when we haven’t been able to see correctly.  One of the wisest sayings I know is that you never understand what someone else is going through.  We never do, so seeking to remember that, to have compassion for the other, to be kind, is essential.  Giving the other the benefit of the doubt is absolutely necessary if we are to find peace in this life-time.  As I’ve shared with you before, it is extremely important that we forgive, not for the sake of the one we are forgiving, but really for our own sakes.  Studies are showing more and more exactly how important this is.  Our physical well-being seems deeply connected to forgiveness.  The lack of forgiveness increases blood pressure, increases chances of stroke and heart disease, and greatly affects people’s chances of surviving cancers.  Emotionally, the lack of forgiveness can lead to bitterness, depression, and an inability to move forward.  But we often don’t know HOW to forgive.  I’ve been taking a weekly course through the Board of Pensions on forgiving and forgiveness.  And this last week in my webinar, they gave us an exercise to do.  They told us to write out a story about something we were having a difficult time forgiving.  Then they said on a separate piece of paper, take out of the story we wrote only facts.  Not guesses about what the other person thought or what their intentions were or what they believed or didn’t believe.  Just write down the facts of what happened.  And then take the original story and throw it away.  I tried this exercise and found that it was AMAZING.  That most of what I had been upset or angry about were things I had assumed, guessed, “intuited”.  Similarly, I have been attacked and accused of feelings or thoughts or ideas that were never my own: that other people’s anger at me usually is based on something unreal. 

About two years ago I went for a hike with a friend from college.  She was asking me about mutual friends whom I was more in touch with than she was.  And then I asked her about mutual friends with whom she had closer connections.  When I asked her about one friend in particular, she told me that “oh, yeah!  I called her about a year ago but didn’t hear back, and then I tried again about 6 months ago.  It’s time for me to try to reach out again!”  She said this without critique, without judgement, and what struck me more, without any kind of pain or sense of being ignored.  If I had reached out to someone repeatedly and they had not responded, I would have felt rejected, intentionally attacked in a passive-aggressive way.  I would assume that the person I had tried to contact was sending me a very clear message of “I don’t care about you.  I don’t like you.  I don’t want you in my life.”  So I asked her about it.  And SHE was stunned by my reaction.  “Oh!” she said, “I just assume she was busy and meant to call me back but got distracted by other things.”  My friends’ different approach, different assumptions, different understanding caught me off guard.  It showed me once again that the things that often offend me, or hurt me, or get my “ire” up – the things that may lead me to feel hurt and to hold on to grudges: these are often, if not always, a matter of my own interpretation. 

Today is baptism of the Lord Sunday.  It is the day when God comes and washes the dirt from our eyes.  It is the day when we celebrate that God offers us first, calls us first, even before we are able to ask for it, the gift of being made new, being made clean, of being given the possibility of different sight, different vision.  It is the second Sunday of epiphany, an appropriate time to recognize that Baptism is a gift we receive from God.  With its cleansing and renewing waters, then, we can see enough to strive to talk to others, to build relationships with others, to give to others, to forgive others and ourselves. 

Part of learning to walk with one another with our costumes on straight has to start with knowing who each other are, getting to know each other more deeply as individuals within a community.  But then it must continue with forgiveness, with the willingness to recognize our assumptions that are blocking our ability to forgive, to understand, to truly see and love one another.

Today, on this second Sunday of Epiphany, we are called to reflect on the amazing gift of baptism that God has given to first Jesus, and then us.  It is a gift of remembering that God calls us into relationship with God.  It is a gift of remembering that God initiates care for us, call to us, purpose and meaning for our lives, before we are even old enough to choose to respond. It is a gift that says, “because I first chose you, because I first brought new life to you, because I begin your life by giving to you every day again and again, because I always look for the best of who you are and forgiven and erase the past that is the worst; now you are called to return that gift to all God’s people, caring back, giving second chances to others, forgiving, choosing to love and live and care for others in the way that I have cared for you.” 

Often when we are meeting together on Baptism of the Lord Sunday, I choose to do some kind of remembrance of our baptism and baptism vows.  We are apart this year, which makes this more difficult.  But instead, I want us to do two different things in our separate spaces.  First, I am going to reread to you the promises that we make during baptism. 

Trusting in the gracious mercy of God, do you turn from sin and renounce evil and its power in the world?

Do you turn to Jesus Christ and accept him as your Lord and Savior, trusting in his grace and love?

Will you be Christ’s faithful disciple, obeying his Word and showing his love?

Will you be a faithful member of this congregation, share in its worship and ministry through your prayers and gifts, your study and service and so fulfill your calling to be a disciple of Jesus Christ?

               Secondly, I would invite you to do the exercise that I was taught in my forgiveness webinar.  Think of someone you are struggling to forgive.  Think of what exactly it is that you are having trouble forgiving and write it down.  Write all of it down: all your thoughts, all your ideas, all your assumptions about their thoughts, their motivations.  “He was a selfish jerk and he just wanted to make my life miserable” kind of stuff.  Write it all down. Once you have finished with that, take a separate piece of paper and write down only the facts, the things you absolutely know.  What was said, what actually happened, what actually took place.  Not what you’ve heard, not what you’ve assumed, NOT what anyone else has told you, but the actual facts that you witnessed, that you saw, that you know.  Then take the first story that you wrote and throw it away.  Let it go.  Forgive.  By the way, that same forgiveness needs to be offered to ourselves as well: we often have the hardest time forgiving ourselves.

            This giving the benefit of the doubt, this erasing of the past, this creation of new relationships, new possibilities, new life – this is what God offers us.  And we are called, as I said, to do the same.  Take this remembrance of Jesus’ baptism, of your own, to remember all that God has done for you and to celebrate and offer the same to those around you.  Amen.

Welcoming in a New Year

                I wrote the above title, “welcoming in a new year” and then found the sarcastic, cynical part of me (and yes, that is a reality inside this head of mine, though I try to keep it there… we all have voices we don’t usually share and this one is mine) declaring, “yeah, right.”  After all, we know that January first it is not going to suddenly be brighter and shinier than what we have known this last year.  There isn’t some magic about the first of the year that says, “Okay, great!  Now we can start over.  Now we can start again,” though I think we’d really like to believe that there is.  Many of us wish we could somehow do a “redo” of the year, a “do-over” of this last year.  Many people have lost loved ones to COVID, we’ve been isolated and alienated, kept from being together with those who really matter to us, kept from visiting the places that have meaning for us, kept from watching grandchildren and other young ones do the growing up that they were meant to do this year.  I’ve watched this last year the disturbing trend of my kids becoming more distant from their friends, more absorbed in the computer for homework and then for entertainment, less interested in the real work, less engaged with real people.  And again, January 1^st will not mark some miraculous change in this.  As I sat down to write this, I received an email from the local school district saying that while they had planned on re-opening January 11^th, that is no longer in the cards. 100% distance learning will continue for the foreseeable future.   My eldest daughter’s college has yet to make those decisions, but my guess is they will choose the same.  This hasn’t been the year we expected.  Or wanted.  Or hoped for.  And my guess is that the New Year will pretty much start the same way.

               I’ve been thinking about my own approach during this time.  When we first went into “stay at home” I was okay with that.  I liked having my family around me constantly and I was incredibly grateful for this time with them - a time that is not usually given to parents of teenage kids.  Our teens are usually in school, and then activities, and much more focused on their friends.  So, to have this time with them, and especially with my eldest who should have been far away at college, was a gift.  I enjoyed the greater flexibility of being able to sleep in a little and stay up later to work.  I have found other gifts as well: as I’ve called folk, I’ve been able to connect in many ways more deeply with people than I had just seeing them on Sunday mornings or in committee meetings. I’ve enjoyed the quieter neighborhoods with less traffic and the increased sound and sights of nature, the cleaner air of a less car-polluted area.  I’ve enjoyed working in my garden, and dreaming about my house being fixed. I meditated more, walked more, read more.  And I saw that all of this as good; gifts in the midst of the struggles.

               But sometime this fall, the focus on the good in this time left for me.  Maybe it was in part because my kids now each separate into their own rooms to do their school work, and David is in our room, leaving me alone in the family room to do my work for most of the day.  Maybe it’s because work ramped up to such a degree that walking wasn’t happening as much and getting out became harder first because of the smoke and then because of the cold.  Maybe it’s just that this has gone on long enough: what was an interesting and different challenge is now just an experience of loneliness, hard-work with less of the rewards of time and interaction with people.  Maybe it’s the continual unknown of when this will end, and the stressors of making hard decisions when health and lives are at stake.  But the time became different for me also because we now known people who’ve had Covid and even a couple who have died from it.  David has a very close friend in Ohio who is very ill with Covid, as is his wife.  We don’t know if they will survive it.  We also now know people who have lost their jobs and who are deeply struggling financially.  More personally (but less seriously) I’m looking at this next year: my eldest will turn 21, my son will turn 18 and my youngest will turn 16.  The trifecta of big birthdays.  And since all of their birthdays are in the spring, it is probable that we will not be able to truly celebrate them with even our families, let alone friends.  My son is missing his entire senior year of high school, my eldest missing her junior year of college, right after she’d finally come to a place of enjoying that space.  I haven’t seen my family (my father excepted) in nine months now.  I’ve also been sick this whole time, and only yesterday learned I am allergic to cats among other things (that’s a nice challenge for us as a family to have to face!).  When things become personal, when they start affecting our lives in more personal ways, it is harder to stay in the positives.

               But…

               Our faith still calls us to have different eyes to see.  It’s not that we ignore the bad.  But we are called to look deeper, and we are called to dive into the places where God is manifesting.  And in that, in that is the hope.  Because we know that where there is pain and suffering, God is there.  Where there is hardship, God is there.  Where there is a sense of insecurity, of the unknown, God is there, too.  With us, among us, around us, God is there: loving us, pushing for the better, always bringing new life out of death and hope out of despair. That’s what God does.  And our call in all of this is to choose to see, to listen, to open our hearts to where God is, even now, even in this, even when we are hurting. 

               And so, my call for all of us is not to “look to the new year” because the new year is just a new day, another day, another passage of time in a time that goes on always.  Instead, my call is for us to look to God – in this moment, in this place, in this now.  Christmas is a reminder that God is with us.  And Christmas calls us to look in the unexpected, extraordinary places for where God is manifesting.  But this is not something we look for on a specific day, after all Christmas is something that, as Christians, we celebrate every day. So, too, we cannot determine that 2021 must be better than 2020.  Instead, we are called to look for the new year, the new beginning everywhere and in every time.  It is something that comes every day for people of faith looking to see how God is doing a new thing THIS day in THIS place.

               So, whether you are reading this in December or January or august of 2037, I invite you into a New Year of God’s presence among us, with us and around us NOW and HERE.  Amen.

Growing, Learning

     A wise man once said to me, "When I graduated from high school, I knew everything.  When I finished college, I realized there were a few things I didn't really know anything about.  By the time I received my master's, I realized there were only one or two areas in which I was really an expert.  But when I finished my doctorate, I finally realized that I really knew nothing about anything."

    I think I was in my first year of college when he said this to me.  And so, as someone who was still feeling pretty smart, pretty learned, pretty on top of the world, I could only nod in my own sense of "understanding this" as just one more sign that I did, in fact, know all that was necessary for me to know.  But, while education certainly has been part of teaching me in the fact that I really know precious little about anything, I actually think my greater teacher has been time and experience.  The longer I am on this planet, the more I realize how little I truly understand about pretty much anything.

    I write as a way to deal with all that I don't understand, as a way to try to process through the many levels and layers of non-understanding that I experience.  As William Faulkner once said, “I never know what I think about something until I read what I’ve written on it.”

    But this morning I simply found myself aware of how little I understand of other people: their motives, their decisions, their beliefs, even.  

    Still, rather than seeing this as a failing, I'm seeing it more as an invitation.  I want to learn, I want to grow.  And I find that in my learning, there is also growing.  In my exploring and talking to others, especially, perhaps, others who see the world very differently than I do, I do grow.  

    A small group in my church is taking the Brownicity Course: What Lies Between Us.  While our group had been reading a number of wonderful books on Racism in the United States, I have to say, this course that we are now taking is absolutely incredible.  It covers so much material and backs all of it with resources, readings, podcasts, videos, etc.  It is a very inexpensive course that has far more information and data in it than I could have expected and it far exceeds my expectations in terms of both quantity and quality of what is being offered.  While the history of this country is disturbing, shocking, upsetting in so many ways as we look at how we have harmed people of color and frankly anyone that we chose at different points in time to identify as "different" or "other", I deeply believe that we will never be able to make the changes we want to see, the changes that are necessary on our journey to "love one another as we love ourselves" until we truly understand our history.  

    But in the midst of this, my understanding of the continued racism, anger, and hatred that we see has baffled me at so many levels.  This course is helping me in that, as well.  One of the videos we were given to watch was a Ted talk on the psychological differences between liberals and conservatives.  Taking the time to look at the base differences in values was very helpful, as well as why those differences in values exist in the first place.  

    I still find myself feeling very frustrated that we are so divided as a country that we hear different news, invest in different beliefs about what is real, and most of all, are given radically different "facts" that simply cannot be reconciled together.  Of course, where you stand on the spectrum determines which facts you believe and which you decide are lies.  And while I do think that there are always multiple ways of interpreting the same facts, there are things that actually happened and things that really didn't; there are truths about what is happening and there are lies.  And while my perspective tells me a certain group of news is lies, I know that others who disagree with me believe that what I am hearing is lies.  I believe more and more strongly that the role of our leaders is to tell the truth, to not make up stories that confuse, alienate, and divide us as a people, as a country.  But my strong belief in this will not affect leaders, will not change the fact that "truths" and "lies" have become a currency in our country that is more valuable to those buying and selling it than human relationships and human lives.  While I will do my part to promote honesty in reporting and in leadership, I am coming to the belief that it will take a conversion that only God can bring about to convince people, and perhaps to convince us as a nation, of the profound importance of truth-telling, and the huge individual responsibility in being careful about what you choose to accept as "facts".  

    In the meantime, I will continue to read, continue to learn, and continue to try to grow both in my own commitment to loving my neighbors, ALL my neighbors, as myself and in my commitment to working to understand even those who are so radically different from myself.

    Blessings and hope for a new year.

Epiphany: Gifts and Giving

Luke 2:41-52

Matthew 2:1-12

       Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh were gifts we are told were given by the Magi because they were some of the most valuable things that people could have at that time.  It was a statement that Jesus was valuable beyond anything.  And, as you also know, it was more than that:

       Frankincense – was (and is) often made into incense and used in worship.  So it represents who Jesus was as “God with us” - It represents life.

      Myrrh was used to embalm mummies, especially those of rich, important people.  So it symbolized the suffering and death that Jesus would experience when he was grown up and the honoring of what was to come.

      There is more in this story than even that.  The magi or wise men also travelled a very long way with their gifts.  They gave to Jesus a huge gift, then, of their time and their energy as well as their material gifts.

            We understand their value, we understand that they had deep meaning, that these gifts were the most important and valuable things they could give, materially but also in terms of their energy and time. 

            If Jesus were born among us today, and you knew about it, knew who he was and why he was coming.  If you were invited to go to the birth of Jesus, what would you give, what would you bring?  I invite you to think about that for a minute.

            In the Advent Devotionals that went out, Lisa and Lynn Justice mentioned the story in the blog, Hyperbole and a Half called, “The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas.”  We have enjoyed Hyperbole and a Half for a long time, but I did not remember this story, so we looked it up and I read it out loud to the whole family.  It is hilarious and I laughed so hard I was crying by the end.  In the story, the author describes a childhood event in which she was trying to get her family to act out the Christmas story and she assigned parts to her family members to play in the story.  Her aunt and grandmother were to be the Magi and the writer insisted that they bring gifts for the baby Jesus.  Apparently her aunt and grandma were a bit tipsy at this point in the story and so they grabbed whatever they could find to give as gifts.  This included a pack of cigarettes, the remote control and a Kenny Loggins tape.  My kids were not nearly as impressed with the story as I was.  They didn’t find it nearly as hilarious, in part because they sympathized with the author as a little girl whose needs were not being attended to in the story.  But it did kick off a conversation for us about what presents would be appropriate and what presents we might bring to Jesus today.  The first suggestion was diapers.  After all, that’s a really useful, needed thing for babies, and we all know that if a person is poor, diapers, even if you use cloth and just need to be constantly cleaning them, they amount to a cost that is not insignificant.  “But,” I challenged, “diapers is really a gift more for the parents than for the baby.” 

            “Also,” I reminded them, “the gifts brought to Jesus signified the best that people had, the most valuable things and gifts and resources that the Magi, or anyone at that time, had.”

            That led into a discussion of two of my favorite Christmas stories – the Littlest Angel, and the Little Drummer Boy.  If you recall the story of the Littlest Angel, the one thing that made this little boy angel happy was a box of his favorite collected stuff – depending on the version of the story it’s a small box of things that would make a young boy happy, like string and a stick, the box itself, the collar of his pet dog, a stuffed bear.  Before getting this box he was very unhappy in heaven and it was the one thing that brought him consolation and joy.  But when he hears about Jesus’ birth, he wants to give him the best that he has, the thing he values most, so he adds this box of everything that gave him joy into the pile of gifts.  He is running away in shame, feeling that the gifts he has are not worth anything when God chooses that gift to be the Star over Bethlehem.  Now while I realize there could be a lot of critique about the story (if it becomes the Star, for example, it’s still not a gift that the baby can actually play with…), none the less, the gift he gave was one a small boy would appreciate and would love, and it was also the thing that was most valued by the Littlest Angel in the story.

            I like the Little Drummer Boy even better because what he gave was his talent, was his ability.  He gave the gift of his music to the baby: the best he had, all he had.  I like it because it was a gift that babies really do value – music, especially drumming, perhaps.  And I like it because it also was the best that the Drummer Boy had.

            So for me, giving our best involves two things: giving what is needed, will be appreciated, will be valued by the recipient; and giving what we value, what is the best we have to give.

            And as I thought about this, I realized that this is the same answer to the question, “what is call” – it is when your greatest gifts, your greatest joy, and the world’s greatest needs meet.  That is our call: that which brings us joy, that which we are gifted in, and that which is most needed by the world. 

            Those are the gifts that we should be bringing to the Christ child, those are the gifts that we bring to God.

            But I was thinking that perhaps we should take this a step further.  When we give gifts to anyone, they should also be given with these same intentions.  We want to give our best to those around us because they are God’s children and we are called to love them as we would love ourselves.  We would want the best – so we should give the best.  Not only to God, but to our neighbors, to those around us.  We give our best time – perhaps that is Sunday mornings when you could be out golfing or sleeping in, but we give our best time every day as well: maybe at dinner with a prayer and with attention to those with whom we are eating. We also give our best energy to serving those around us, to loving those around us, to caring for those around us.  And we are called to give our best material gifts as well: things that we value, things the other will value.

            I’m reminded of a praise song, “My Own Little World” by Matthew West.  These are the lyrics:

In my own little world it hardly ever rains

I've never gone hungry, I’ve always felt safe

I got some money in my pocket and shoes on my feet

In my own little world, population -- me

I try to stay awake through Sunday morning church

I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give 'til it hurts

And I turn off the news when I don't like what I see

It's easy to do when it's population - me

What if there's a bigger picture, What if I'm missing out

What if there's a greater purpose, I could be living right now

Outside my own little world

Stopped at a red light, looked out my window

I saw a carboard sign, said 'Help this homeless widow'

Just above this sign was the face of a human

I thought to myself, 'God, what have I been doing?'

So I rolled down my window and I looked her in the eye

Oh how many times have I just passed her by?

I gave her some money then I drove on through

And my own little world reached population two

(Creator,) break my heart for what breaks Yours, Give me open hands and open doors

Put Your light in my eyes and let me see, That my own little world is not about me

What if there's a bigger picture, What if I'm missing out

What if there's a greater purpose, That I could be living right now

I don't wanna miss what matters, I wanna be reaching out

Show me the greater purpose, So I can start living right now

Outside my own little world,

             We started today’s scripture lessons with another scripture, and in that passage from Luke we are given the sole glimpse into Jesus’ childhood years.  He was sitting in the temple listening to the teachers, learning, growing.  But it caused his parents, who didn’t know where he was, to worry at his absence and to be very upset when they couldn’t find him.  His response was that he needed to be in his Father’s house.  And perhaps we might find this response to be snippy and less than giving.  But this is another time when perhaps our ideas of what is loving, what is giving need to be challenged.  Being loving and giving does not always look like “being nice”.  Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to speak truth to the other, sometimes the most valuable thing we can give is a different way of looking at or understanding something.

            I found myself reflecting on this during this week after looking at our church’s YouTube channel.  As you may know, we have several interviews with Roger Woolsey from his time here, posted on our YouTube channel.  He is well known, and because of his non-fundamentalist ideas about Christianity, he also has quite a few people who really hate what he has to say.  Those who believe in a very judgmental, very angry, very hierarchical God are not going to like what Roger has to say.  As a result, because he is so well known, most of the comments we receive on our YouTube channel are comments left in response to Roger’s interviews and most are proclaiming that Roger is going to hell because of his beliefs in a loving, accepting, compassionate God.  Roger knows his scriptures very well and quotes them often in his arguments for that God.  But those who respond are mostly just angry, attacking, and even threatening.  But as I thought about what giving from our hearts, giving what is most valuable to us looks like, I found myself thinking of Roger.  Despite the commenter’s anger, despite the fact that he is challenging their thinking, their very world view, their rigidity and judgments, he is giving to them a different world view, from his heart, from his sense of call and purpose.  He is giving to God by speaking words of adoration and praise for a God of love, grace, and compassion. 

            We are to follow Jesus and Jesus gave everything – even his life for us.  We, too, are called to be givers, like Jesus, but also like the Magi, of that which is most valuable to us, that which uses the best of who we are, that which is most needed and wanted by those in our world, and that which is a giving back of what has been given to us – our talents, our resources and our time.